The (fake) Hulk says,

“He (Benoit) was peaceful and kept to himself. I think it had to be something personal, a domestic problem between him and his wife. She was into devil-worship stuff. It was part of her (wrestling) character, but (she was) somebody who gets so close to their character, someone who gets into their character too much. Sometimes these people believe their own publicity.”

Far be it for me to judge the (fake) Hulk, but someone who named himself after a big, green, strong, scientist-y guy and takes off his shirt at the age of 50 something to reveal his beer gut, really shouldn’t be telling people to leave their character at work.

Hogan looks like the type who, when his daughter brings a guy home for a date, tears off his own shirt, leg drops him before screaming, “Hogan Knows BEST!!!”

… Scary thought

Ranieri says,

“We are full in midfield and won’t be signing anyone else there. Frank is a fantastic player - I know that better than anyone - but the only player we need before the start of the season is a central defender.”

This comes following Barca’s apparent snubbing of the player. An executive at Barca said,

“He will stay at Chelsea. There is no other option. He has been offered to us, Milan, Inter and Real Madrid. Basically all of the big clubs. But none are interested. We are the same as those clubs are, we’re looking for a player who is more creative and has a greater technique than Lampard. So it looks like he will go nowhere.”

Well you can’t blame Lampard for demanding more money than a player who’s greatest footballing aim seems to be to break the record for most passes to the opposition, before falling on his bottom and pouting prettily. But than again you can blame Lampard for demanding 7 million pounds a year just so he can shoot at defenders asses in the hope that it will ricochet past the keeper.

Sorry, I can’t carry on… who even cares about the Winter Olympics? It’s like the Olympics for people who enjoy dying of pneumonia. The basic gist of the article is, a place I’ve never heard of, beats two other places I’ve never heard of to host an event I’ve never watched (To be fair, I’ve heard of Salzburg, but admitting that would kinda step on my point).

Anyway, carrying on with the story…

Sochi secured 51 votes at a meeting of International Olympic Committee (IOC) delegates in Guatemala, beating its South Korean rival by just four votes. Salzburg had been eliminated earlier.

The announcement sparked wild celebrations in Sochi amongst the half-a-dozen* strong crowd. The “crowd” that showed up to view the announcement in Pyeongchang (A lady with her 8 kids apparently) were crestfallen.

Pyeongchang Restaurant owner Son Chang-min said,

“It’s worse than four years ago, because this time we really thought we would win,”

I’m guessing he speaks the truth. I hear four years ago their were only six sheep and a lost-looking shepherd waiting for the announcement. This years crowd must have been mayhem. Where did they organize the two nannies they needed to look after all the kids?!!!

So, to start of…

Sven Goran Eriksson the newly appointed Manchester City boss has moved swiftly to rectify the clubs problem with hitting the back of the net. The Swede is on the verge of bringing in Reggina forward, Rolando Bianchi. Bianchi, had scored 18 goals for Reggina last season, putting him 4th in the race for the Golden Boot. Reggina were 18th in the Serie A last season.

That’s cute. He leaves a club fighting relegation so… he can join fight relegation English-ly? ummm… Yeah.

Chelsea today sealed the signing of midfielder-cum-winger Florent Malouda of Lyon. The fee is reported to be in the region of 13.5 million Pounds.

You know, I’d be surprised if it was any normal club. But it’s Chelsea! They paid 8 million quid for Khalid Bouhlarouz. It would be a surprise if they didn’t waste money! Jose, if you’re reading this, I’m available on a free transfer. I can’t pass, tackle or shoot though. Think about it!

Real Madrid have completed the signing of Porto defender Pepe. He joins Cristoph Metzelder as new coach, Bernd Schuster’s initial signings. The fee is reported to be 28 million euros.

Real = Spanish Chelsea. The End.

And so that’s pretty much it. Conclusion: Football clubs are stupid…

Although the Premier League say the signing has not been confirmed an entry on the Ajax Amsterdam website states:

“The striker, who had a contract until 2010, will sign a five-year deal with the Champions League finalists.”

Imagine that. They have a website. Just like me.

Anyway, he sounds a decent signing. And if he flops they can just sell him to Hollywood as an extra for the next remake of the Planet of the Apes. Good business all around.

Also Arsenal have confirmed the signing of Bacary Sagna. With a C.

The big question is… can Beckham sell football to the states? And I mean REAL football. Not the American ”I grope you, you grope me, grope-fest”.

What do you think?

Other players included in the squad are Chris Schofield and Darren Maddy. Uncapped Essex opener Mark Pettini and Sussex all-rounder Luke Wright are also in, but Andrew Strauss is a surprise exclusion.

…

I’d make a joke… But it’s not nice to make fun of people with mental deficciencies. So when they give you shit as a present, you MUST MUST  MUST accept it with a smile and a nod. Also don’t ever destroy their dreams. If they want to be billionaires say ”You can do it!”, and if they think they can fly, push them off a cliff.

Sure they might (read:will) die. But the DREAM stays alive. And that’s what counts.

He said (about Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas),

“He is one of the few players in his position that can carry a team.”

Earlier speculation had indicated that Real were courting Arsene Wenger (refuted by Arsenal), Ronald Koeman and Michael Laudrup for the role as well.

Ramon Calderon had said,

“Once we decided that Capello would not continue, Madrid sporting director Predrag Mijatovic underwent talks with Schuster, Ronald Koeman, Michael Laudrup and Wenger. It appears logical that Schuster will be the next coach,”

That makes sense. Ignoring a manager with 16 trophies to his credit, to hire a man that wasn’t good enough for Levante… score?

If anything this deal is even more dodgy as earlier today, West Ham chairman, Eggert Magnusson, insisted that the 23 year old belonged to West Ham and would be going nowhere.But Joorabchian’s lawyers say the deal has progressed with the “knowledge and permission” of the Upton Park outfit.

This deal stinks worse than Paris Hilton’s performance in House of Wax!

Not funny? I didn’t think so either, but successful people realize that there is no such thing as failure… just results. So the result of my failed joke is that I didn’t make you laugh.

I’m successful now!

Andy Roddick (who seems to believe that he’ll face Federer in the semi’s) says,

“The time off could work either way for Roger.

On the one hand you don’t have to play a fourth round match and you’re guaranteed a spot in the quarters, which is nice. But at the same time it would be really weird to go five days during a Slam without playing a match.

There’s no question he’s probably not going to be as sharp coming off a five-day lay-off as he would if he’d been playing every day. But fortunately for him that five-day lay-off came at the best possible time. It’s not like it’s been sunny and we’ve all been getting practice in. We’ve been stuck in a locker room for nine hours a day and he’s been chilling out, maybe taking the double decker bus tour of London.

Given the choice, I’d take a living room over a locker room.”

You know… I can’t really think why I hate Andy Roddick… Wait… I can… He dumped Mandy Moore. (Don’t tell me he raised funds for Tsunami victims… I gave funds for Tsunami victims)

I guess it’s a bit harsh to despise someone for doing something that I do all the time. Yes, friends. I spend my whole day dumping beautiful women that are wanted by millions of men worldwide.

Wait… no… I spend the whole day at (My parents) home in my boxers.

Yeah… I still hate him.

Anyway - Soggy Predictions.

Federer to demolish Ferrero in straight sets.

Andy Roddick to almost beat Gasquet before a “random” member of the crowd shoots him…

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