SoggyCornflakes Sports

Roger Federer can finally continue his charge for a fifth consecutive Wimbledon title after a 5 day period of inactivity, due to rain and his fourth round opponent Tommy Haas falling out with an injury (Pffft… injury… more like Feder-y… That’s when you’re scared of Federer destroying you in straight sets). Today Federer faces Juan Carlos Ferrero in the quarter-finals, while Andy Roddick takes on Richard Gasquet.

Andy Roddick (who seems to believe that he’ll face Federer in the semi’s) says,

“The time off could work either way for Roger.

On the one hand you don’t have to play a fourth round match and you’re guaranteed a spot in the quarters, which is nice. But at the same time it would be really weird to go five days during a Slam without playing a match.

There’s no question he’s probably not going to be as sharp coming off a five-day lay-off as he would if he’d been playing every day. But fortunately for him that five-day lay-off came at the best possible time. It’s not like it’s been sunny and we’ve all been getting practice in. We’ve been stuck in a locker room for nine hours a day and he’s been chilling out, maybe taking the double decker bus tour of London.

Given the choice, I’d take a living room over a locker room.”

You know… I can’t really think why I hate Andy Roddick… Wait… I can… He dumped Mandy Moore. (Don’t tell me he raised funds for Tsunami victims… I gave funds for Tsunami victims)

I guess it’s a bit harsh to despise someone for doing something that I do all the time. Yes, friends. I spend my whole day dumping beautiful women that are wanted by millions of men worldwide.

Wait… no… I spend the whole day at (My parents) home in my boxers.

Yeah… I still hate him.

Anyway - Soggy Predictions.

Federer to demolish Ferrero in straight sets.

Andy Roddick to almost beat Gasquet before a “random” member of the crowd shoots him…

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After incessant rains in London over the past week, Wimbledon organizers are struggling to finish this years event on time. Today was supposed to be the start of the mens quarter finals, however two third-round matches are still to be played including mens no. 2 Rafael Nadal’s game against Robin Soderling (Which is finally complete… Nadal won in five sets).

With rain falling on seven of the eight days so far and more rainy weather forecasted for today it seems likely that the tournament will continue to fall further behind schedule. The last time Wimbledon failed to finish on schedule was 2001 when wildcard Goran Ivanisevic’s five-set win over Pat Rafter was completed a day late.

… It’s Wimbledon… It rains… Did anyone expect anything else? Did someone think that God would suddenly decide to like English people and give them sunny weather? C’mon guys! What is this?

God hates me, and that’s despite the fact that I don’t work on any of the holy days (ie Friday, Saturday and Sunday) that could be because I don’t work on the other four days either… but I doubt it… I think God is just a tough cookie who expects a lot…

So anyway, if God hates me, he definietly hates the Wimbledon organizers… I hear they work all week!

A typical Wimbledon day (Cold and damp) was greeted with a typical Roger Federer performance (Solid and breathtaking) as he thrashed Marat Safin (He’s a muslim y’know… just saying…) in straight sets 6-1 6-4 7-6 (7-4). The irresistible Federer, outplayed Safin from start to about the second set, before a closely contested 3^rd set left Safin fuming… More than usual… because that’s what he does. He fumes. In what was seen as the last match in which Federer could be stopped, it was a chilling statement of intent from the World number 1.

German Tommy Haas struggled past 21^st seed Dmitry Tursunov, eventually beating him 1-6, 6-4, 7-6 (7-5), 6-4. Haas and Dmitry Tursunov wore shockingly blue pants under their tight white shorts… manly.

(What d’you mean, gay? I’m just saying! It means nothing! Look on top… I said Safin’s a muslim! It doesn’t mean I’m an Islamophobe! I just like to note things! Pfft… whatever… you’re gay)

9^th Seed, James Blake, crashed out in four sets to Spaniard (and 20^th seed) Juan Carlos Ferrero. Despite winning the first set, Ferrero came back to win the last three sets, to send the American packing. Ferrero won 3-6 6-3 6-3 7-6 (7-4).

Tattooed freak (I like his beard though… IT’S NOT GAY!!!… In fact, I’m secure in my manhood… I can look at a guy and say, he’s good looking… Wait… that’s gay) Janko Tipsarevic, pulled off the surprise of the first round as he beat fifth seed Fernando.Gonzalez 6-3 3-6 6-3 4-6 8-6. In a closely contested game, Tipsarevic did just enough (Which was still a lot more than was expected of him) to go past the powerful Gonzalez. The final set was the stuff of legend (lies?) as the unseeded Serb came back from being 5-2 down, saving a match point at 5-6, before prevailing over the shell-shocked Chilean. It reminded me of the time I came back against all odds… I was pulling an all-nighter in anticipation of my Maths exam… everyone said, “It can’t be done… go to sleep!”. I said, “NO!”… I studied and studied… and didn’t fail! Because on the morning of the exam I realised I knew nothing and decided not to go to varsity. Me and Tipsarevic are one and the same! Fighters and miracle workers! A mix of Mother Theresa and Mohammad Ali if you will.

This is getting long (And probably more and more boring) so…

Mandy-Moore-dumper (What a douche) Andy Roddick beat Fernando Verdasco 6-3 6-4 7-6 (7-2), in the process becoming the sole carrier of America’s torch at Wimbledon. I despise Roddick… He dumped Mandy Moore so he could “Improve his Tennis”, before sliding down the rankings quicker than a Steve McClaren led England side. I hope he dies… c***.

And than the Frenchies won. Quick roundup…

Paul-Henri Mathieu beat 15th seed Ivan Ljubicic 4-6 7-5 6-2 6-3.

Twelfth seed Richard Gasquet saw off compatriot Edouard Roger-Vasselin 6-3 6-4 6-2.

Wildcard Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (Lleyton Hewitt’s tormentor) also advanced to the fourth round with a 6-3 7-6 (7-4) 6-3 win over Spain’s Feliciano Lopez.