SoggyCornflakes Sports

Former Chelsea (and current Juve) manager, Claudio Ranieri, today confirmed that he will not be moving for midfielder Frank Lampard following a breakdown in talks between the player and Chelsea. Lampard reportedly wants wages matching those of uber-flops Andrei Schevchenko and Michael Ballack, but Chelsea’s current offer is said to fall around 10 000 pounds short of Lampards demands.

Ranieri says,

“We are full in midfield and won’t be signing anyone else there. Frank is a fantastic player - I know that better than anyone - but the only player we need before the start of the season is a central defender.”

This comes following Barca’s apparent snubbing of the player. An executive at Barca said,

“He will stay at Chelsea. There is no other option. He has been offered to us, Milan, Inter and Real Madrid. Basically all of the big clubs. But none are interested. We are the same as those clubs are, we’re looking for a player who is more creative and has a greater technique than Lampard. So it looks like he will go nowhere.”

Well you can’t blame Lampard for demanding more money than a player who’s greatest footballing aim seems to be to break the record for most passes to the opposition, before falling on his bottom and pouting prettily. But than again you can blame Lampard for demanding 7 million pounds a year just so he can shoot at defenders asses in the hope that it will ricochet past the keeper.

Aaah! Transfers. The time of the year when seedy agents aim to earn a quick buck and Arsenal’s best player is linked to a move in Spain.

So, to start of…

Sven Goran Eriksson the newly appointed Manchester City boss has moved swiftly to rectify the clubs problem with hitting the back of the net. The Swede is on the verge of bringing in Reggina forward, Rolando Bianchi. Bianchi, had scored 18 goals for Reggina last season, putting him 4th in the race for the Golden Boot. Reggina were 18th in the Serie A last season.

That’s cute. He leaves a club fighting relegation so… he can join fight relegation English-ly? ummm… Yeah.

Chelsea today sealed the signing of midfielder-cum-winger Florent Malouda of Lyon. The fee is reported to be in the region of 13.5 million Pounds.

You know, I’d be surprised if it was any normal club. But it’s Chelsea! They paid 8 million quid for Khalid Bouhlarouz. It would be a surprise if they didn’t waste money! Jose, if you’re reading this, I’m available on a free transfer. I can’t pass, tackle or shoot though. Think about it!

Real Madrid have completed the signing of Porto defender Pepe. He joins Cristoph Metzelder as new coach, Bernd Schuster’s initial signings. The fee is reported to be 28 million euros.

Real = Spanish Chelsea. The End.

And so that’s pretty much it. Conclusion: Football clubs are stupid…

Rafa Benitez continued his summer splash out as Liverpool nabbed long-term Arsenal target Ryan Babel for a fee reported to be in the region of 11 million Pounds.

Although the Premier League say the signing has not been confirmed an entry on the Ajax Amsterdam website states:

“The striker, who had a contract until 2010, will sign a five-year deal with the Champions League finalists.”

Imagine that. They have a website. Just like me.

Anyway, he sounds a decent signing. And if he flops they can just sell him to Hollywood as an extra for the next remake of the Planet of the Apes. Good business all around.

Also Arsenal have confirmed the signing of Bacary Sagna. With a C.

David Beckham and his wife, the once famous Posh Spice arrived at Los Angeles International Airport yesterday night, to begin their new life in the United States. Dozens of journalists jostled to get a view of the Beckham’s before they got into their Black SUV and sped away. Although the children were also on the flight with them they did not exit the terminal with the Beckham’s. I presume the Spice Girl forgot them.

The big question is… can Beckham sell football to the states? And I mean REAL football. Not the American ”I grope you, you grope me, grope-fest”.

What do you think?