SoggyCornflakes Sports

Well… not yet… But he will… He’s been included in the provisional 30 man England squad for the forthcoming 20/20 World Cup. This is the first time he’s been in the England setup since he went home early from Australia with a stress-related illness.

Other players included in the squad are Chris Schofield and Darren Maddy. Uncapped Essex opener Mark Pettini and Sussex all-rounder Luke Wright are also in, but Andrew Strauss is a surprise exclusion.

…

I’d make a joke… But it’s not nice to make fun of people with mental deficciencies. So when they give you shit as a present, you MUST MUST  MUST accept it with a smile and a nod. Also don’t ever destroy their dreams. If they want to be billionaires say ”You can do it!”, and if they think they can fly, push them off a cliff.

Sure they might (read:will) die. But the DREAM stays alive. And that’s what counts.

Sachin Tendulkar became the first player to ever score 15000 runs in ODI cricket, after he scored 93, against an inexperienced bowling attack, in India’s six-wicket win over South Africa at Stormont.

After South Africa had limped to 226-6 in their fifty overs (Thanks mainly to a steady 82 from opener Morne Van Wyk and a blistering run-a-ball 55 from Mark Boucher), Tendulkar and Ganguly shared an opening stand of 134, reminding fans of a bygone era when they were in the side on talent alone. Although after Ganguly’s dismissal, India became India again as 4 wickets were lost for the addition of 8 runs (Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar and Mahendra Dhoni being the others). However Yuvraj Singh kept his head in the end, scoring an invaluable 49 not out.

He was ably assisted by Dinesh Karthik, who managed 32 not out in an unbroken partnership of 85 that saw India home in the last over of the day.

So now all the Indian fans are going to start screaming “Sachin’s back!!!” from thir rooftops I suppose… and maybe wear little shirts that say “The Little Master”? And how about start serving the “Sachin Cover Drive” in restaurants?

It must be a pathetic existence when your best cricketer is a choker has-been who’s filled his pockets against mediocre bowling attacks on placid pitches… Almost as bad as your best cricketer being a drug-riddled manwhore… Oh… Ohhh!

Yeah… I guess all of us live a pathetic existence.

The Scorecard… in case you care…

South Africa Runs Balls 4s 6s
M v Wyk c Dhoni b Singh 82 126 7 1
A d Villiers run out 0 6
J Kallis b Singh 2 6
H Gibbs c Karthik b Khan 17 28 3
J Duminy c Dravid b Singh 40 59 3
M Boucher not out 55 55 4 1
A Hall b Singh 17 19 2
A Nel not out 1 3

Extras 5W 5LB 2NB 12
Total for 6 Wickets (50.0 Overs) 226

Bowling Overs Maidens Runs Wickets econ
Z Khan 9 2 29 1 3.22
R Singh 6 1 21 1 3.50
I Sharma 7 0 38 0 5.43
P Chawla 8 0 41 0 5.13
R Powar 10 0 46 0 4.60
S Tendulkar 1 0 10 0 10.00
Y Singh 9 0 36 3 4.00
Fall of Wickets 1-2 (Villiers) , 2-7 (Kallis) , 3-46 (Gibbs) , 4-131 (Duminy) , 5-168 (Wyk) , 6-220 (Hall)

India Runs Balls 4s 6s
S Ganguly c Gibbs b Langeveldt 42 75 3 1
S Tendulkar b Tshabalala 93 106 13 2
R Dravid c Langeveldt b Langeveldt 2 10
Y Singh not out 49 63 4 1
M Dhoni b Ntini 0 4
D Karthik not out 32 37 1

Extras 7W 2LB 9
Total for 4 Wickets (49.1 Overs) 227

Bowling Overs Maidens Runs Wickets econ
M Ntini 10 1 37 1 3.70
C Langeveldt 10 1 43 2 4.30
A Nel 10 0 41 0 4.10
A Hall 10 0 54 0 5.40
T Tshabalala 8 2 42 1 5.25
J Kallis 1.1 0 8 0 6.86
Fall of Wickets 1-134 (Ganguly) , 2-140 (Dravid) , 3-140 (Tendulkar) , 4-142 (Peterson)

The West Indies cricket board, has reprimanded opener Chris Gayle for criticising the handling of his selection as one-day captain.

Gayle said (in his cricinfo diary… wait! A diary? What is he? a pre-pubescent girl?),

“I am very disappointed with the West Indies Cricket Board for not having the guys here in England already and ready to play. As the captain I have to say this is disappointing and it is not at all a good start. I also have to mention that I was hurt and disappointed that after I was nominated as captain by the selectors, I did not initially get the support of the board.”

He reportedly refused to apologise for speaking the truth, which led to the West Indies Board releasing a statement, against his actions.

It read,

“After lengthy discussions during which Mr Gayle was made aware of the true circumstances surrounding the matters about which he had unfairly attacked the board, Mr Gayle was requested to issue a public apology to the WICB. He subsequently advised the president and team manager that he was not prepared to apologise. The WICB has issued a very strongly-worded letter of reprimand to Mr Gayle advising him that his conduct is totally unacceptable and that the WICB will pursue this matter at the end of the tour. The WICB is hopeful that [he] will understand the seriousness of his actions and avoid any further statements or behaviour that will force the WICB to take drastic and immediate action against him.”

Oooh! A strongly-worded letter of reprimand! That should fix him right up! I don’t get it, why must we fight? Why didn’t John McClane just send a strongly-worded letter of reprimand? Why didn’t the Terminator? Why doesn’t Bush just send one to Bin Laden?

Obviously it works! Why else would the geniuses at the West Indies Cricket Board use it?

The Jamaican Police today confirmed that the “murder” of Bob Woolmer was not so. After 3 months of constants speculation it was today revealed that Woolmer had died naturally.

Mark Shields, the deputy police commissioner, who was in charge of the investigation revealed,

“I instructed my team… to go back and actually retrieve it from his body… We got it x-rayed and the fact is that the bone wasn’t broken in the first place,”

Wow that’s teriffic! After conducting an investigation in which everyone except the queen was fingered (suspects y’know… all you guys are sicko’s… except me. I’m pure, innocent and virginal… that’s a good thing… being a virgin and all…) you decide that the victim was never actually murdered!

Apparently now the Pakistani team are considering suing the authorities… I wonder why though? Techinically… TECHNICALLY… they DID kill Woolmer. Can anybody honestly say that Woolmer would have had a heart attack if it weren’t for the Gutless performance against Ireland? C’mon guys, you couldn’t beat a bunch of dancing Leprechauns! C’mon! What is this?