SoggyCornflakes Sports

So the Champions League (and thus the football season) ends with AC Milan winning 2-1. It just had to happen. After Inzaghi chested the ball in to the back of the net in the first half, it was always going to be a tough task for Liverpool. Especially when they conceded a second eight minutes before the end of the match (Kaka throughball, Inzaghi goal).

Despite Kuyt managing to pull a goal back two minutes before then end, it was always going to be too little too late.

The classic Big-Match player Steven Gerrard, who had never before failed to score in a Cup final was unable to do the business when it mattered hitting a one-on-one chance straight at the goalkeeper with the crap hair (ie Dida).

The Beeb should hire me to do previews rather than the douche Alan “100% sure” Hansen. I blame him. He jinxed it for Liverpool. Liverpool would’ve been better off walking under a ladder holding hands, before splitting at a pole and then allowing a black cat to walk in front of each of the players. And then starting with a 15 goal disadvantage. They would surely have had a chance than.

Other interesting things…

- Gerrard refused to touch Gattuso’s hand when he passed him at the end. Great sportsmanship Stevie! Maybe I’m being harsh. Maybe after the match Gattuso game to Gerrard and said, “I eez got a leetle eecky on my hand… smayl!”

- Inzaghi is still a cheating whinger. The most blatant display of time wasting seen since I was waiting to start studying for my Maths exam.

- Players who cried :

Gerrard – seemed a bit teary

Kewell – Rubbed his eyes a lot. The poor Australian fairy!

Inzaghi – Cried with happiness, before spitting into the Cup! YAY!

Note: Excellent support by both sets of fans. There was also a pitch invasion at the start of the second half. I assume (hope?) it was a streaker, because the camera’s refused to show her. It was a her… and she looked like Angelina Jolie 5 years ago. At least that’s how my mind see’s it. My minds a Perv

Manchester United followed Chelsea, after crashing out of the Champions League at a wet San Siro yesterday.

Like Chelsea they entered the second leg with a one goal advantage. Unlike Chelsea they were completely outplayed. Sir Alex Ferguson’s (la dee da da) first mistake was to play the just returning Nemanja Vidic in defense. His second mistake was not hiring a sniper to take out the electrifying Kaka.

The match ended 3-0, with the goals coming from Kaka (teehee… Kaka… comedy gold!), Seedorf and Gilardino.

United failed to create anything of note… unless they made a sandwich at half-time that I wasn’t aware about… But I doubt it.

Manchester United manager, SAF (That’s Sir Alex Ferguson… I’m cool so I say SAF), was surprisingly gracious in defeat saying,

“They were sharper and quicker to the ball and I think they’ve been good winners. We were on the back foot all the time and found it difficult. In fairness, we never looked like we were going to score.”

And so, the final that nobody wanted (except maybe Liverpool fans… and AC Milan fans… and people who bet on Liverpool or AC Milan…) has been confirmed. Milan vs. Liverpool.

It’s probably going to be really boring. Along the lines of,

Maldini with the ball, Boots it up, Carragher intercepts, boots it upfield, Nesta intercepts… and… OH… OH… did you see that Andy? He took it down on his chest, and passed it with his left foot… extraordinary! Let’s see that again!

(Don’t say their last final was great! That was a fluke! A massive fluke! As massive as the time I couldn’t get it up! MASSIVE I SAY!!!)

Yesterday Chelsea crashed out of the Champions League at the hands of (pseudo)rivals Liverpool. Despite taking a single goal lead with them to Anfield, Chelsea conceded after a clever Liverpool free kick, which was duly put away by Daniel Agger.

The rest of the match was a bore fest, apart from Kuyt hitting the post and having a goal disallowed for off-side…which was not… off-side I mean…(Ok, Maybe not that boring)… until the penalty shootout, which Liverpool won 4-1. The only player that managed to hit the back of the net for Chelsea was Fat Frank Lampard.

Chelsea manager, Jose Mourinho, was livid following the defeat saying,

“It is a moment when everybody has to be strong, my players have a lot of reasons to be proud. We were the best team today, even against a team only playing for the Champions League.”

Liverpool chief executive, Rick Parry, however laughed off Mourinho’s claim saying,

“I don’t care what he says, I don’t listen, I guess when you’ve invested £500m it’s a fantastic season to win the League Cup. He’s welcome to his opinions, we care about Liverpool.”

Harsh. But a fair assessment. With 500 million pounds even I could have built a World Class team. Or maybe I’d just try and take the money for myself and run. Maybe I’d buy Silvestre for a fiver and tell Abramovich that I’ve just bought the greatest defender in the world for 500 million pounds. Than I’d run.

Bayern Munich and Germany captain, Oliver Kahn, has lambasted his Munich team-mates after their exit from the Champions League at the hands of AC Milan, saying that they lacked “fighting spirit”.

Kahn said,

“We’ve got a lot of players who need to improve, I would rather have lost 2-1 in the first leg (in Milan) so that we would have had the right attitude, the right fighting spirit, we were only going to beat a first class team like (Milan) if everyone played over 100 percent. We didn’t do that.”

Yes, Ollie. The team let you down. You were like Jesus out there with ten Judas’s. I’m surprised that UEFA don’t offer you a place in any team in the semi-finals… What the hell is wrong with these Germans? They can’t take the blame for anything!

World War I? Blame it on the Turks
World War II? Blame it on the Japs
My erection problems? Blame it on me!

Look in the mirror you fat German b****!!!