SoggyCornflakes Sports

LA Lakers star Kobe Bryant told the Lakers that he would like to be traded, calling the team management “a mess”. Literally seconds later (after talking to Lakers head coach Phil Jackson) he changed his mind (… I mean a couple of hours… but technically around 50 000 seconds later…) saying,

“I want to stay here. This is my team. I love it here,

Phil is a guy I lean on a lot. ‘I can’t blame you for feeling this way. But they are now determined to do something. Let us try to figure things out and I’m confident that we can do that.’

I just have to try to stay optimistic. I can only hope that they do something because I don’t want to go no place else.”

Lakers owner Jerry Buss claims that he had not recieved any official statement from Kobe Bryant, and the Lakers will continue to build a team around his fragile ego.

I really don’t get why anyone would want to build a team around someone as confused as Kobe Bryant. I’ve seen bisexuals who are less confused than Kobe Bryant.

Why would you want to put yourself at the whims of a player who has seven NBA records and is considered to be one of the most marketable people in the game as well as having one of the hottest wives around… why?

Oh… Oooooh!

What a headline, indeed.

The San-Antonio Spurs held of a resilient Utah Jazz to win the Western Conference finals opener 108-100 yesterday.

Tim Duncan (27 points and 10 rebounds), Manu Ginobili (23 points and 10 assists) and Mr. Eva Longoria (ha ha, I’m funny… like a clown! Umm… sorry… 21 points and six assists) led the way for the Spurs who sunk 55% of their shots. Despite a spirited fight back by the Jazz, led by Deron Williams with a career high 34 points, they fell just short.

After the game Mr. Eva Longoria (ha ha, I’m funny… like a clown!) said regarding the second half,

“We didn’t play that well, they got back in the game and we gave them confidence a little bit.”

I knew Boozer wouldn’t (couldn’t) stop Duncan. The stupid c*nt always lets me down. I put 50 bucks on Duncan not getting a basket (at 200 000 to 1)… and look what this c*nt did to me! I could’ve been a millionaire today if he had just been 8 inches taller, a lot stronger and much smarter… and a cyborg. But no. That bast*rd always has to deny me the small pleasures in life. Like a condo in Hawaii.

Oh yeah, the next match is on Tuesday. Maybe I’ll put a 100 bucks on Tony Parker no making an interception (at 100 000 to 1)… Than I’ll have enough to pay the rent and buy the condo in Hawaii! I’m like a genius, man!

Because I have nothing better to do, than checking if my eyeballs are actually filled with jelly and writing this crap (and if you think I’m fishing for compliments… I so am!), I’ve decided to comment on pure speculation. Obviously by comment, I mean make a crap joke that was probably used on some other website a couple of years ago. Obviously. So here it goes.

Gangly German (Dallas) Maverick captain (phew), Dirk Nowitzki is to be named NBA MVP this Tuesday, according to sources within the club. This comes despite the Maverick’s pathetic (read: hilarious) first round elimination at the hands of Golden State, which followed their “league-best” 67 win season. So I think we can safely assume that the voting took place before the playoffs. (*cough* choker *cough*)

Wow! The world really is changing. How did a German win the MVP? I thought the NBA was run by Jews!

Ha! Controversy is my middle name. It lies right between “bigot” and “racist-douche” (note the “dash”, one word).

Note: Nowitzki is the first European honoree as well the first not to have attended a U.S. high school or college.

Boring statistics if you’re a German:

Nowitzki Season 06/07:

Games: 82
PTS: 2,070
PPG: 25.2
RPG: 11.1
APG: 2.4
SPG: 1.3
BPG: 1.0
FG%: .445
3P%: .376
FT%: .878

Yesterday LA Lakers badboy Kobe Bryant broke Michael Jordans record ,of being the youngest player to ever score 19000 points, by a massive 204 days.

However despite his 39 points, Lakers went down against an efficient Denver Nuggets team eventually losing 111-105.

Kobe might think he has it good now but it’s all downhill from here. Soon he’ll get married… wait… so, my editor tells me he’s already married… whatever… soon he’ll have kids… according to my editor he already has kids… yeah… well soon he’ll have an affair and… what the hell is wrong with this guy?!! Why won’t this guys life start sucking like every other married with kids person?

Does he have erection problems yet? No? OK… so soon he’ll get erection problems and his life will suck.

So HA! Kobe. HA!