SoggyCornflakes Sports

A typical Wimbledon day (Cold and damp) was greeted with a typical Roger Federer performance (Solid and breathtaking) as he thrashed Marat Safin (He’s a muslim y’know… just saying…) in straight sets 6-1 6-4 7-6 (7-4). The irresistible Federer, outplayed Safin from start to about the second set, before a closely contested 3^rd set left Safin fuming… More than usual… because that’s what he does. He fumes. In what was seen as the last match in which Federer could be stopped, it was a chilling statement of intent from the World number 1.

German Tommy Haas struggled past 21^st seed Dmitry Tursunov, eventually beating him 1-6, 6-4, 7-6 (7-5), 6-4. Haas and Dmitry Tursunov wore shockingly blue pants under their tight white shorts… manly.

(What d’you mean, gay? I’m just saying! It means nothing! Look on top… I said Safin’s a muslim! It doesn’t mean I’m an Islamophobe! I just like to note things! Pfft… whatever… you’re gay)

9^th Seed, James Blake, crashed out in four sets to Spaniard (and 20^th seed) Juan Carlos Ferrero. Despite winning the first set, Ferrero came back to win the last three sets, to send the American packing. Ferrero won 3-6 6-3 6-3 7-6 (7-4).

Tattooed freak (I like his beard though… IT’S NOT GAY!!!… In fact, I’m secure in my manhood… I can look at a guy and say, he’s good looking… Wait… that’s gay) Janko Tipsarevic, pulled off the surprise of the first round as he beat fifth seed Fernando.Gonzalez 6-3 3-6 6-3 4-6 8-6. In a closely contested game, Tipsarevic did just enough (Which was still a lot more than was expected of him) to go past the powerful Gonzalez. The final set was the stuff of legend (lies?) as the unseeded Serb came back from being 5-2 down, saving a match point at 5-6, before prevailing over the shell-shocked Chilean. It reminded me of the time I came back against all odds… I was pulling an all-nighter in anticipation of my Maths exam… everyone said, “It can’t be done… go to sleep!”. I said, “NO!”… I studied and studied… and didn’t fail! Because on the morning of the exam I realised I knew nothing and decided not to go to varsity. Me and Tipsarevic are one and the same! Fighters and miracle workers! A mix of Mother Theresa and Mohammad Ali if you will.

This is getting long (And probably more and more boring) so…

Mandy-Moore-dumper (What a douche) Andy Roddick beat Fernando Verdasco 6-3 6-4 7-6 (7-2), in the process becoming the sole carrier of America’s torch at Wimbledon. I despise Roddick… He dumped Mandy Moore so he could “Improve his Tennis”, before sliding down the rankings quicker than a Steve McClaren led England side. I hope he dies… c***.

And than the Frenchies won. Quick roundup…

Paul-Henri Mathieu beat 15th seed Ivan Ljubicic 4-6 7-5 6-2 6-3.

Twelfth seed Richard Gasquet saw off compatriot Edouard Roger-Vasselin 6-3 6-4 6-2.

Wildcard Jo-Wilfried Tsonga (Lleyton Hewitt’s tormentor) also advanced to the fourth round with a 6-3 7-6 (7-4) 6-3 win over Spain’s Feliciano Lopez.

Sachin Tendulkar became the first player to ever score 15000 runs in ODI cricket, after he scored 93, against an inexperienced bowling attack, in India’s six-wicket win over South Africa at Stormont.

After South Africa had limped to 226-6 in their fifty overs (Thanks mainly to a steady 82 from opener Morne Van Wyk and a blistering run-a-ball 55 from Mark Boucher), Tendulkar and Ganguly shared an opening stand of 134, reminding fans of a bygone era when they were in the side on talent alone. Although after Ganguly’s dismissal, India became India again as 4 wickets were lost for the addition of 8 runs (Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar and Mahendra Dhoni being the others). However Yuvraj Singh kept his head in the end, scoring an invaluable 49 not out.

He was ably assisted by Dinesh Karthik, who managed 32 not out in an unbroken partnership of 85 that saw India home in the last over of the day.

So now all the Indian fans are going to start screaming “Sachin’s back!!!” from thir rooftops I suppose… and maybe wear little shirts that say “The Little Master”? And how about start serving the “Sachin Cover Drive” in restaurants?

It must be a pathetic existence when your best cricketer is a choker has-been who’s filled his pockets against mediocre bowling attacks on placid pitches… Almost as bad as your best cricketer being a drug-riddled manwhore… Oh… Ohhh!

Yeah… I guess all of us live a pathetic existence.

The Scorecard… in case you care…

South Africa Runs Balls 4s 6s
M v Wyk c Dhoni b Singh 82 126 7 1
A d Villiers run out 0 6
J Kallis b Singh 2 6
H Gibbs c Karthik b Khan 17 28 3
J Duminy c Dravid b Singh 40 59 3
M Boucher not out 55 55 4 1
A Hall b Singh 17 19 2
A Nel not out 1 3

Extras 5W 5LB 2NB 12
Total for 6 Wickets (50.0 Overs) 226

Bowling Overs Maidens Runs Wickets econ
Z Khan 9 2 29 1 3.22
R Singh 6 1 21 1 3.50
I Sharma 7 0 38 0 5.43
P Chawla 8 0 41 0 5.13
R Powar 10 0 46 0 4.60
S Tendulkar 1 0 10 0 10.00
Y Singh 9 0 36 3 4.00
Fall of Wickets 1-2 (Villiers) , 2-7 (Kallis) , 3-46 (Gibbs) , 4-131 (Duminy) , 5-168 (Wyk) , 6-220 (Hall)

India Runs Balls 4s 6s
S Ganguly c Gibbs b Langeveldt 42 75 3 1
S Tendulkar b Tshabalala 93 106 13 2
R Dravid c Langeveldt b Langeveldt 2 10
Y Singh not out 49 63 4 1
M Dhoni b Ntini 0 4
D Karthik not out 32 37 1

Extras 7W 2LB 9
Total for 4 Wickets (49.1 Overs) 227

Bowling Overs Maidens Runs Wickets econ
M Ntini 10 1 37 1 3.70
C Langeveldt 10 1 43 2 4.30
A Nel 10 0 41 0 4.10
A Hall 10 0 54 0 5.40
T Tshabalala 8 2 42 1 5.25
J Kallis 1.1 0 8 0 6.86
Fall of Wickets 1-134 (Ganguly) , 2-140 (Dravid) , 3-140 (Tendulkar) , 4-142 (Peterson)

Did you see what I did there? I put REAL as in Real Madrid in the title… to replace real… It’s called a pun… It’s funny… I’m funny… like a Seinfeld or something…

Anyway.

Real Madrid have sacked manager Fabio Capello just 11 days after he guided them to their first league title in 4 years, Despite him still having two years to run on his existing contract. Reports indicate (and by “reports”, I mean this is what I think… which is obviously fact, due to my wit… did you read my pun on top there?) that Real were tired by his boring and dour tactics and blamed him for letting go of David Beckham.

He is tipped to be replaced by Getafe coach Bernd Schuster.

Real’s sporting director Predrag Mijatovic said:

“We have taken the decision not to continue with Fabio Capello next season.

“It was a difficult decision but a unanimous one based on an exhaustive report I made to the board.

“We don’t think Capello is the right person to lead Real Madrid into the future given what we want this club to achieve.

“Now we have time to think over who will be the next head coach.”

I could make a joke… no… no I can’t… my head is sore… and I had to listen to boring drivel for the last 2 hours… so yeah… just amuse yourself with the pun… funny… ha… ha… ha…