SoggyCornflakes Sports

Manchester United have confirmed the signing of “Can-Glish” midfielder, Owen Hargreaves.  The club confirms that Hargreaves will join them on the 1st of July after he returns from his holiday. The transfer fee is expected to be in the region of 17 million pounds.

Hargreaves has agreed personal terms and passed a medical at Old Trafford and all that is left is for him to put pen to paper. Hargreaves has enjoyed 10 seasons at non-Champions League club, Bayern Munich, winning 6 league titles as well as a Champions League medal in 2001. However his last season at Bayern ended in tragedy with Hargreaves only able to play in nine league games.

Hargreaves has been a long time target for Manchester United, and has been angling (read begging… on the floor… grovelling… licking SAF’s ass… begging) for a move to the English Champions for the last season. So he’ll be delighted.

A Manchester United statement confirmed the signing.

“Owen will formally sign his contract when he returns from a holiday at the end of June,”

I don’t get it. One year ago, England fans begged for the sacking of then manager, Sven Goran Eriksson, because he picked Hargreaves. “No hoper”, “Douche” and “Granny raping half-German” were some of the more polite remarks regarding Hargreaves. Now he’s moving to Manchester for 17 million pounds?

I’ve seen Schizophrenics hold on to their views longer. For shame!

English Champions Manchester United have pulled off a surprising (to say the least) coup by signing Sporting Lisbon winger Nani and Porto Attacking Midfielder Anderson, in a move that is sure to send shockwaves throughout the League as well as serving as a statement of intent for next season. They are also set to complete the move for “Cana-Glish” midfielder Owen Hargreaves by the end of next week.

United had reportedly been interested in twinkle toed winger Nani for a while, but the move for Brazilian Anderson who is widely considered to be one of Brazil’s brightest prospects seems to have come from out of the blue. The combined cost of the two players is reported to be in the region of 35 million Pounds.

Who cares? Their both gonna flop anyway… aren’t they? Please tell me they will. I can’t stand another season of the”We’re the richest club in the world, but we earn our money by hiring 3 year old kids at 2c per hour to sew our sweatshirts before we sell them for 50 pounds at our state of the art club shop, so that makes us better than Chelsea” brigade.

If only Arsenal or Liverpool would sign Buffon, Nesta, Zambrotta, Quaresma, Gattuso and Eto’o… So close yet so far…

LA Lakers star Kobe Bryant told the Lakers that he would like to be traded, calling the team management “a mess”. Literally seconds later (after talking to Lakers head coach Phil Jackson) he changed his mind (… I mean a couple of hours… but technically around 50 000 seconds later…) saying,

“I want to stay here. This is my team. I love it here,

Phil is a guy I lean on a lot. ‘I can’t blame you for feeling this way. But they are now determined to do something. Let us try to figure things out and I’m confident that we can do that.’

I just have to try to stay optimistic. I can only hope that they do something because I don’t want to go no place else.”

Lakers owner Jerry Buss claims that he had not recieved any official statement from Kobe Bryant, and the Lakers will continue to build a team around his fragile ego.

I really don’t get why anyone would want to build a team around someone as confused as Kobe Bryant. I’ve seen bisexuals who are less confused than Kobe Bryant.

Why would you want to put yourself at the whims of a player who has seven NBA records and is considered to be one of the most marketable people in the game as well as having one of the hottest wives around… why?

Oh… Oooooh!

Welsh wing wizard, Ryan Giggs, has announced his retirement from International football after Saturday’s Euro 2008 qualifier against the Czech Republic in Cardiff. It seems that Giggs has given up all hope of playing in a major tournament with the Welsh side and is set to focus on his club career with the Red Devils. Giggs is widely considered to be the best Welsh player of his generation (Staving off some tough competition from perennial Liverpool reserve and golfer extraordinaire Craig Bellamy).

Giggs said,

“I feel this is a good time, the right time to retire and it’s a difficult decision for me, I have loved playing for my country and I have loved captaining my country. It wasn’t an easy decision.

It definitely helps myself, I’ll get those breaks in the season, and obviously it will help Manchester United because I’ll be playing less football, But it will also help Wales - I don’t feel that I’ve been performing as well as I could have. Whether it was the amount of football I was playing I don’t know, but I think all three parties will benefit from this. Hopefully this will not only prolong my career but allow me to be fresher and allow me to enjoy the last two or three years.”

I don’t see how this will help Wales. I mean… Bellamy will probably be shunted out to the wing… unless… no… but maybe… Maybe Wales have a dragon that they’re waiting to unleash… Is that against the rules?