SoggyCornflakes Sports

FIFA president Sepp Blatter (spit) has confirmed that there is a backup for the 2010 World Cup in case South Africa is unable to host the event. It is a widely held notion that South Africa is falling further and further behind schedule, and the latest comment from Blatter (spit) is sure to dismay South African football fans. However, Blatter (spit) insists that the tournament will only be moved if there is a “natural catastrophe or a big change in society”.

Blatter (spit) says,

“Definitely we have a possibility to go somewhere else if something happens. It was the same case in Germany. Something can happen. A natural catastrophe or whatever, a big change in society - everybody against football. But then for the time being the plan B is South Africa and the plan C we definitely must have a possibility to go somewhere else, but it must be a natural catastrophe.”

Blatter has named England, United States, Mexico, Japan and Spain as possible step-ins.

OK, I’ve been to South Africa recently and as far as I’m concerned they should screw the stadiums and get to work on an Earthquake machine. Or maybe a tidal wave generator. Or At the very least a 3 year civil war. That’s the only way they won’t be embarrassed (too much).

If they can’t figure out the earthquake machine (or the tidal wave generator) in time for the 2010, I’m sure some High-School will be willing to rent out its ground. Or maybe they could play in the botanical gardens. They have pretty flowers!

Following Manchester United’s superb come-from-behind (Not in that way… homo) win against Everton today, and Chelsea’s draw with UEFA cup aspirates, Portsmouth, it appears the title race is all but over. The results leave a five point gap between first placed United and second placed Chelsea, with only three games left.

The fact that ex-Mancunian Phil Neville scored an own goal that could at best be dubbed “suspicious” (well, not really, but conspiracy theories are cool) should leave Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho fuming.

However Mourinho refuses to give up, saying,

“We have to believe.”

Nice sentiments from Jose, I’m sure we all agree. But it’s so much fun to watch the rich boy with the arrogant saunter, who always gets the best chicks because he can drive them around in his Ferrari get taken down a notch.

I find the best way to handle these guys is to beat them up with my tiny fists of fury. I’m like a Tekken fighter. Except not homo. All Tekken fighters are homo’s… FACT!!!

But Man. United probably couldn’t do that… or could they?

Hey everyone…Yeah, it’s me again. The guys are a bit busy, so I’m just filling in for today…and maybe tomorrow. So for the next 24-hours, I have you all at my mercy…Bwahahahaha-haha-ha…ha? Oh, nevermind!

Let’s talk about the World Cup, which is drawing to an end with the final taking place tomorrow with reigning world champs Australia and Sri Lanka, who might actually be the only team that can beat them. But as we look back over the past month and a half, you will probably remember watching less cricket and doing other productive things, like picking your noses…or binge eating…or kicking your dog. The thing is, the World Cup was a bore and very few matches kept us glued to our seats…praying feverishly that your team wins.

For that boredom, I blame the teams…but some people blame the atmosphere in the grounds, which were hardly ever filled to capacity. This would be because of the high ticket prices, including airfare, board and accommodation. Young people couldn’t afford these prices and older people don’t really get that much into the spirit of the game. My point is that the cricket was boring, the Caribbean sucks, SoggyCornflakes rules and Sri Lanka have to win tomorrow!

After 45 days of empty stadiums, one-sided matches and another Australian cakewalk to the final, ICC chief exceutive, Malcolm Speed, finally admits that the World Cup was too long.

Speed says,

“We listen to criticism, and there has been a lot of it from people saying it’s been too long - so we’ll look to make it shorter, we’ll seek to reduce this 47-day World Cup by seven or 10 days, and hopefully we’ll get it down to somewhere between five and six weeks next time.”

I know how we can make it last one day! Screw that! I know how we can make it last 15 minutes!

Step 1: Step on to the podium.
Step 2: Call up a confused Australian captain.
Step 3: Hand him the World Cup
Step 4: Throw confetti and take photo’s

You know it makes sense!