SoggyCornflakes Sports

Ian Chappell (Brother of Indian coach Greg Chappell… shocking, I know) called for Sachin Tendulkar to retire following his poor showing in the World Cup. He said (wrote) in his column for Mumbai’s Mid Day newspaper,

“If Tendulkar had found an honest mirror three years ago and asked the question: ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the best batsman of all?’ It would’ve answered: ‘Brian Charles Lara’. If he asked that same mirror right now ‘mirror, mirror on the wall should I retire?’ The answer would be ‘yes’.”

Although I must admit that this is an admirable attempt to protect his brother, it just comes out sounding a bit pathetic to be honest.

Firstly if Tendulkar is so bad… why wasn’t he dropped in the first place? Secondly asking an Indian cricketer to retire is like asking your wife for sex – the chances of it happening are pretty much 0. (Unless of course, you didn’t do it before marriage which would make your wife desperate…but whatever… I’m not the pope… just a man being paid $3.50 an hour to write on a blog…sexlessly…).

These people need to be forced to do things, as in grab ‘em by the hair and throw… By these people I mean Indian cricketers, not wives. Wives don’t like that.

So anyway… Yeah… ummm… Greg Chappell sucks… So does Ian… and so does Sachin… yeah. That’s basically my point.

After reading about a cricketer that should retire here’s a news piece about on that just has. Anil Kumble announced his retirement from ODI today, quite unsurprisingly in my opinion after he was left out of the final World Cup game to accommodate Harbajhan Singh (and no. I will not call him “the Turbanator”… Turbanator my arse… It’s an insult to the real Terminator… if he got whipped around like how Harbajhan does we could have all just watched the 1st movie and gone home… so yeah… no Turbanator).
36 year old Kumble said,

“I would like to officially announce my retirement from ODIs, I had thought about this over the past few years and I am now available only for Test matches. I still think I have some cricket in me. Let me see if I can achieve 600 wickets in Tests.”

Not much to say, except I guess I’ll miss his bug eyed gazed… Although truthfully the only clear ODI memory of him for me, is watching him take a pasting at the hands of Saeed Anwar in front of his home fans. And him sticking his buggy eyes out after every six. And I was all like, “bowl better, instead of staring like that, you c***” and my wife was all like, “wash the dishes, you c***”… So that was the end of the match for me…

Good times.

Yesterday it was announced that David Beckham had been awarded the “Outstanding Contribution to British Sport accolade” at the 2007 Sports Industry Awards. David received his award from French forward Thierry Henry and Sebastien Coe (Chairman of the 2012 London Olympics).

British PM Tony Blair said,

“In a world where celebrity comes too easily, David deserves his fame. He’s been a huge cultural icon for our country but most of all he plays football brilliantly and whenever he wore the England shirt, he wore it with pride.”

Thanks for that Tone. Shouldn’t you be out somewhere making up stories about WMD’s and Terrorist threats? Because, I have a great one. You see it goes like this. There’s a terrorist. And he bombs stuff. And he plans to bomb Downing Street. This is obviously before you come in with a cape and black latex and save the day… mmmm…. latex…

If you don’t like the story, than at least think about the latex Tony. Actually screw the story. I wanna see latex! Ooh! Ooh! And the cape!

It was announced today that the France GP could be absent from the 2008 F1 calendar - for the first time in over 50 years! The reasons being cited are…

• difficult to access
• poor attendances
• lack of accomodation

The FFSA said in a statement,

“The Executive Committee has decided to suspend the inscription of the French Grand Prix on the 2008 calendar as the conditions of a successful event are not guaranteed. The Executive Committee will re-examine the situation during its next session in July 2007.”

Knowing the French they’ll probably be this close to ensuring their status next year, before saddeningly, missing out.

It’s the French, that’s what they do!

Case in point. So close to winning World Cup. Zidane goes crazy. THE END. I see hot French chicks in magazines. Look closely. Hairy armpits. THE END. I hire a  French gigolo. No Penis. THE END.

I mean… ummm… what?