SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Billy Ray Cyrus has always tried to make sure that (It looks like) he’s raising Miley Cyrus right. So as Hannah Montanah approaches her 16th birthday, the “Achy Breaky Heart” singer has decided that Miley won’t be getting a pretty-car-that’s-so-small-that-it-hurts-your-back-but-it’s-so-shiny. She’ll be driving a broken down Toyota like the rest of us (Except me… I drive a Nissan. Call me ladies… and guys. I have no friends).

Except that Miley didn’t really get the memo. Cyrus Jr. has her heart set on a Porsche 911 Turbo and has apparently already talked to a dealer about the $125,000 car.

According to the stars friends,

‘Miley is getting older now and wants to spend her money any way she wants. She is so confident that she’ll be able to buy herself a Porsche when she turns 16 that she’s already shopping for the car.’

God… Just when you thought the world wasn’t unfair enough, this… kid… gets a Porsche. I mean… what does she know about a Porsche? She can’t even pick up hookers (or whores) in it! Ridiculous.

I mean… at least before you had to be kinda’ pretty to break into Hollywood (Hence you could blame God for being poor)… but with Miley… You can be a gap toothed, gum flashing, Southern drawling, short, skinny, mousy haired… and STILL make it in Hollywood.

Now I have to blame myself for being poor.

I hate that short shit… Where does she get the nerve to make me re-evaluate my life?

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Billy Ray Cyrus was once a respected country singer who sang “Achy Breaky Heart”, before he became his daughter’s bitch on that sh*t Disney show.

When he was still singing country songs and sleeping with groupies left, right and center he managed to impregnate one named Leticia “Tish” Finley (Who he later married). The first child to pop out of her was a kid that she named Destiny Hope. Because she felt that it was destiny that they were together and she hoped that he’d marry her.

That child… Is Miley Cyrus. (Epic Music plays as people in my head applaud me for giving you guys such an interesting fact)

… I always thought Miley Cyrus was a stupid name. Especially when I learned that Miley was basically a bastardisation of Smiley. I mean my name’s not great… but it’s definitely better than Smiley without an S. But Smiley without an S is definitely better than the pornstar name her mum gave her. So… I guess everyone wins.

UPDATE: I thought that this was a really cool interesting fact… Until I looked on Wikipedia and found out that everyone who cares knows about this already. Screw you free encyclopedia’s!

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