SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Tom Cruise and his beard wife are supposedly going through some marital strife. Katie Holmes is reportedly upset about the fact that Tom Cruise wants her to be a Stepford Wife/Fembot (I used both because I didn't know which one would be more applicable in this case), and is looking to spend some time away from Tommy boy by going to New York to star in a Broadway show. Tom Tom however doesn't see it this way and is apparently determined to follow Holmes to the ends of the earth to make sure that she won't split at the first opportunity. Holmes is also upset at how the Cruiseter crazy guy (The Cruiseter is way too cool for Tom Cruise) calls all the shots on how to raise Suri. A source said,

"Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri. He has a lot of rules, and there's conflict."

That's not surprising to be honest. If you want your child to believe that aliens are coming to get you and to avoid being bombed you have to prepare a secret hideout where people with enough theta neurons will be kept safe... Yeah. You're probably best off getting an early start to the brainwashing. Must be what this guy is trying to in India.

Katie Holmes is apparently buckling under the pressure of being a gay dwarfs wife (Note the disclaimer... You can't sue me Tom! I already said it's probably a lie! Ha! You Homosexual midget!). Holmes is said to be suffering from migraines and dizzy spells. Star Magazine reports,

When Katie recently lunched at her favorite restaurant, L.A.'s Joan's on Third, it was obvious that something was terribly wrong. She seemed exhausted, her skin was pale, and she looked feeble and emaciated. "She gave us a weak smile and wave before leaving out the back door," says an eyewitness at the restaurant. Once outside, a confused and unsteady Katie braced herself against the doorframe before her bodyguard carefully guided her into a waiting SUV."

You know what this reminds me of? Rosemary's Baby... apart from the obvious awesomeness that was Rosemary's Baby. I'm not saying that Tom Cruise is the devil or that Suri is the Anti-Christ. I'm just saying we should kill them before they take over the world in their reign of evil.