SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Sheryl Crow has moved to correct rumors that Jennifer Aniston was dumped by Brad Pitt (two and a half years ago… but who’s keeping count, right?), when he went off to fornicate and reproduce with Angelina Jolie.

Crow says,

“For both of us, the perceived idea is that, in our big relationships, we both got dumped. Believe me, this is not true,

Neither one of us has ever gotten dumped. No one ever knows what goes on in relationships. Unfortunately, for some people like Jennifer and me, so much is written about things that you don’t say, and so many emotions are attributed to you that you haven’t had,”

Another friend lend credence to the story, informing that bastion of honesty The National Enquirer that,

“Once Jen saw the writing on the wall, she dumped Brad. She took a cold, hard look at her marriage and realised it was irretrievably broken,

She and Brad had vastly different personal agendas and feelings about love, career and having a family.”

Unlike other bloggers, I don’t act like Jennifer Aniston is hideously deformed (Although Sheryl Crow definitely is… with that weird transvestite face, and scary spindly legs that look like they were a part of a group… of 8. I’m not saying that Sheryl Crow was born an Arachnid. I’m just throwing the possibility out there.), however like other bloggers (and people) I genuinely believe that she should just move on.

I mean… Brad’s repopulating the planet due to his (seemingly) frequent unprotected sex with Ms. Jolie, while Jennifer Aniston and her buddies are still going on about what a survivor she is.

Jennifer Aniston if you say that Brad dumped you. Fine. If you say that you sleep better at night without the guy from Fight Club next to you. Fine. If you say that Angelina Jolie mentally raped Brad Pitt with voodoo torture before she stole him away from you. fine.

Can you and your buds please shut up now? I’m tired of reporting a celebrity divorce case that happened almost three years ago. It makes me remember better days.

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According to OK! Magazine George Clooney and Brad Pitt are best buds. Also according to OK! Magazine, Jennifer Aniston still holds plenty of hostility for anything related to Brad Pitt.

OK! Magazine says,

The handsome Michael Clayton star - who just happens to be best buds with Jen’s ex Brad Pitt - sauntered up to the actress at last Saturday’s Night Before gala in Beverly Hills, where she was busy chatting with BFF Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Orlando Bloom, Robert Downey Jr. and his wife, Susan, outside of Bar Nineteen12. “George attempted to be friendly, but Jen wasn’t having it,” one eyewitness tells OK!. “After enduring a few minutes of the actor’s presence, Jen turned on her heels and made a beeline for the Sunset Ballroom, where most of the guests were mingling.”

I think Jennifer is regretting the fact that she didn’t have a threesome with Msrs. Pitt and Clooney when she had the chance… I mean… They’re so pretty! I’d go gay for them!

…

Actually I wouldn’t… Because that would be kinda’ gay.

Why is it that when a girl says she’d go bi for some celeb all the males get erections, but when a guy does it it’s all, “You’re gay” and “I’ll buy you lube” and “C’mon over to my house, matey”?

Guys don’t appreciate the masculine form… and neither do I… Obviously.

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Ummm… Kinda.

Reports say that former Friends star, Jennifer Aniston, had her eggs frozen so she could forget about her ticking biological clock and concentrate on finding a man. Apparently Jen’s buddy Sheryl Crow told her to adopt a child, but Aniston was desperate for one of her own.

A Source says,

“It was a really smart move, because it buys (Jen) a few years to figure it all out. The pressure has lifted. “(Jen’s) absolutely doing the right thing. She’s giving herself a big break from the intense pressure to find Mr. Right and have kids. She’s in a good place now.”

I wonder… Did she consider the fact that her age is not the only hurdle in her having kids. I mean, first she has to find a guy that’s around her age and wants kids (Good luck with that), and then… Well than she’ll (probably) have kids… but it will be quite embarassing for her when she’s dropping of her kid in grade 1 and his/her friends ask, “Is that you’re grandma?”.

It will be even worse when she’s driving home from school and she’s mugged by a gang who take pleasure in mugging little old ladies.

And it’ll be even worse when menopause kicks in.

And even worse when she dies.

And a lot worse when God asks her, “Weren’t you that whiny b*tch from Friends?”

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