SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

David and Victoria Beckham have reportedly renewed their wedding vows due to… ummm… just… because they felt like it.

The Daily Mirror reports,

David planned the entire nuptials without Victoria’s knowledge and surprised Posh with a second proposal. Posh was apparently totally surprised and overjoyed — and even managed to get dressed for another trip down the aisle before the end of the day.

The couple married in front of a small group of friends and later had the phrase “De Integro”, which is Latin for “again from the start” etched above their matching wedding date tattoos on their wrists.

Firstly… let’s laugh at how Victoria Beckham tried to make it look like David did all the arrangements. Yes… A guy that can barely speak his mother tongue arranged a full blown wedding… good one!

Secondly… “De Integro”? What the hell’s wrong with these idiots? Do they think that just because they wrote something that no one understands it makes them classy? Do they think that people look at it and say, “I have no idea what that means… Victoria and Dave must be cultured.”?

No! No it does not! It just makes you a douchebag! A massive enormous douchebag with an ego problem! A collossal douchebag with an ego problem and a stupid sign!

God, the Beckhams are douchebags, aren’t they?

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Ok, I’m not sure what exactly I meant by yelling that, but it felt good. Well, no it didn’t, but I’m bitter. I don’t get pleasure from anything, besides other people’s pain. And since the Beckham’s are not in pain, I’m not having any pleasure and the world continues to suck.

Some stupid criminal decided that his loyalty lay with the LA Galaxies, David Beckham’s new team and so he left his criminal friends, who’d been doing the rounds of the nieghbourhood the Beckhams lived in and turned himself over to the police, just because he couldn’t make himself rob the house that held the Galaxies most overpaid player.

While I get the loyalty thing (I wouldn’t be robbing Arsenal players either), the dude doesn’t seem to get the concept of what it means to be a thief. Thieves…steal…which means they take money from the rich and give to the poor.

Oh wait, that’s Robin Hood. Nevermind.

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David Beckham and his wife, have decided to start an intensive new beauty regime to protect their skin from the intensive Los Angeles sun. The couple - who moved to the US last month following David’s move to soccer team Los Angeles Galaxy - have been covering their bodies in an expensive French face cream, recommended to them by close friend Katie Holmes, to prevent premature ageing.

A source tells the Daily Mail,

“They sometimes do it together when they have spare time. Both of them keep talking about the intense heat in Los Angeles and how it is different from the Spanish sun they are used to from their time in Madrid. David and Victoria are both very concerned about their skin ageing.”

“David smiles in front of the mirror to examine how many lines it brings up. He wants to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. He is willing to use bucketloads of the cream if it helps.”

There’re so many things to make fun of in this post… I don’t know where to begin… OK… one by one…

Firstly… They take advice on anti-aging cream from Katie Holmes?! The 29 year old that looks like this? I’m not saying she looks old… I’m just saying I’d rather offer her a wheel chair than a make out session.

Secondly,when you look like Posh Spice, looking old is the least of your worries.

Rather, she needs to find some cream that makes her look less like an alien, in case her new deluded Scientologist friends, mistake her for Xenu.

And finally… David… Just tell Posh you’re gay… I mean… I’m pretty sure she realised it the 50th time she caught you reading Playgirl, “for the articles”.

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Victoria Beckham has reportedly issued a “hands-off” to Paris Hilton, after hearing that Hilton thought her hubby, David Beckham, was hot. She has told friends that Paris and other young Hollywood stars - including Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears – had better keep their hands off David.

A source says,

“This move to Los Angeles means everything to her. She is happier with David than ever and sees this as an exciting chapter for her and their boys. Although she trusts David 100 per cent, she will not tolerate any of the Los Angeles party girls making a move on him, or seeing him as fair game.”

“She wants this to be very clear from the start - David is a devoted family man and these women should forget about trying it on with him. The young Hollywood club crowd, such as Lindsay, Paris and Britney, are positively salivating over David.”

Last week it was claimed that Victoria had turned down Paris Hilton’s offer of friendship. Paris is reported to have said about Victoria: “We could be soul mates.” However, the singer apparently told a pal: “Over my dead body!”

…

It’s only in Hollywood where you have to tell people that a married man if off limits… Than again it’s hilarious how Posh Spice thinks that she’s better than Paris Hilton in some way. They both “earned” money for doing nothing. Don’t say Posh was part of the Spice Girls! She just stood there in a mini-skirt with that self satisfied pout on her face.

Basically she’s a glorified back up dancer, used to distract people from the faces of the rest of that hideous troupe.

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Footballer David Beckham is done with the UK and Europe and has finally arrived in the USA to begin a new life with his wife, Victoria and children. While soccer fans know who the star footballer is, and are looking forward to him playing for the Los Angeles Galaxy in the MLS. Others have no clue who he is. “Who is David Beckham?” asked an 11-year old boy at the airport. Maybe things won’t be as starry for the Beckham’s in their new country after all. After all, they have Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as nieghbours…talk about nieghbours from hell.

Back at home, Rebecca Loos, the “other” woman who almost destroyed the golden couple has the audacity to say that the Beckham’s should thank her. She says her affair with David helped their marriage.

“It’s made them stronger. They even went on to have another kid. Everything happens for a reason, even bad things.”

“I think their marriage is stronger than ever and it’s like Victoria says, it’s bad things like the affair that have made it stronger. Victoria’s stuck by David and that’s the main thing.”

No, you dumb whore, that is not the main thing. The main thing is that you should jump off a cliff and die…I say that about every “other” woman. Guys are dumb (no offence) and it takes a really special one to have some self-control. If every gal was like you and every guy was like David…well, then every normal woman would be screwed.

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Their heads I mean (as the above cleverly distorted picture shows). While everyone shivers at the thought of the girl band making a come-back, the girls themselves are having a few issues backstage. The girls have grown as people since the 90’s, but their ego’s have grown just as much and things are tense between the ladies.

A source said that girl band of five members are having a tough time working out the gig without hitting each one’s ego.

“There are too many egos for them to last more than a tour together. On the outside the girls are pals and everything is fantastic,” News of the world quoted the source, as saying.

“But behind the scenes the Spice Girls’ wars have started again—and the egos have landed,” the source added.

The source also said that Posh Spice is fed up with Ginger’s limelight grabbing attempts and Scary Spice has been annoying everyone with her weird acts.

The source added that Baby Spice is being accused by all for not being supportive and Sporty Spice wants to be by herself for interviews.

”Away from the cameras they are niggling away at each other and all vowing to be top dog. They had pledged to be calmer and collected but it is turning into an ego fest,” the source added.

The source added that Ginger Spice really upset Mel B by reminding her of her baby’s absent dad actor Eddie Murphy.

“Geri saw Angel and said, ‘Doesn’t she look her dad.’ The whole room stopped and the girls looked terrified that Mel would explode,” the source said.

During a press conference, Posh seemed really upset that she was being dumped at the end of the table.

“At one stage she didn’t get a word in for ten minutes and she rolled her eyes. She looked put out. Posh and Mel C came away a bit bruised, as Mel B and Geri had stolen the thunder,” the source said.

“Emma seemed happy to go along with everything, which meant the rest of them felt she wasn’t supporting them,” the source added.

Sorry for that long, long extract but I was too lazy to paraphrase it and it gives a pretty good idea about what’s going on with the gals. Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) went out of her way to say sorry to the others for walking out of the group 2 years before they disbanded in 2000 and she bought EACH of them $40 000 ring to apologise. Obviously they all cried after that…because that’s what you do when you take advantage of someone that badly.

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Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Who in their right mind would want that bag-o-bones to be Godmother to their kid? There’s no guarantee that she’ll even live past the kids 10th birthday!

Anyways, the Spice Girls had a reunion recently when Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice…for all those people who couldn’t move beyond them) held a christening for her daughter Bluebell Madonna (WTF?) and Victoria Beckham is now the kids Godmother…all the SPice Girls were in attendance, except Scary Spice, who’s probably busy with her own baby.

You know, I never had a Godparent…maybe because I was such a cute baby, all the adults were intimidated by me. They had to wear anti-cuteness glasses before they could even glance at me. One guy tried without it and his head blew up. True story.

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