SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Katie Holmes, the poor enslaved actress has been let out of the house by Hubby Tom Cruise. And I thought she was worse off than the Taliban women, but I guess I was wrong. I swear Tom must be controlling her with the Imperius curse (No, I don’t read Harry Potter, I just pick things up here and there…NO! I didn’t read the book 10 times…I didn’t! I didn’t! Ok…I did).

Katie is back on set working on Mad Money and she’s glad to be away from her psycho husband and could-be-a-cute-alien child. Though she is quick to tell us that Suri is growing, walking and saying “mama” and “Lord Xenu rules all”. Clever kid.

No Comments Yet »

Nicole Kidman is reportedly a bit miffed that her adopted kids with ex-husband Tom Cruise are getting along well with their new step-mommy Katie Holmes. Well, why wouldn’t they get along well? Katie is their age! They probably all sit together and eat ice cream and go the McDonald’s and play on the swings. Katie is a great mom!

But Nicole’s spokesperson says it’s utter crap and Nicole didn’t even read the stuff about Katie Holmes and the kids. So I guess Nicole’s given up on her children? Left them to rot with Lord Xenu and Tom Cruise until they’re model children for Scientology? Yeah, I’m right, I know I am, I’m always right.

No Comments Yet »

Jeez, it’s like Katie Holmes has become the dumb pigeon that just keeps slamming into the glass window again and again. Even when she’s bleeding from the eyes and has serious brain damage, she won’t realise that Tom Cruise is a midget Scientologist and there is something seriously wrong with her that she’s still with him.

And no-one lecture me about love and other nonsense. Katie wants to have another baby with Tom, or that’s what’s being reported…I think it’s another publicity stunt to show that Tom is a “man” (we all know he’s not, he’s Lord Xenu, seriously) and that Katie is happy with him. The pregnancy rumours are floating around after Tom and Katie turned one of the rooms in their new house into a nursery…for Suri maybe? DUH!!!

No Comments Yet »

Nah, it’s not the countdown for the apocalypse, the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie or anything remotely cool like that. It’s the countdown for something we all knew was going to happen from day one…the end of Tom “Saviour” Cruise and Katie “What the hell is wrong with you, girl” Holmes.

Newindpress reports that Newsweek reported seeing Katie Holmes flirting with her Mad Money co-star Adam Rothenberg. Apparently, they were getting a bit more chummy than what was asked of them from the script.

A set insider said: “They shot a scene in which Adam wrapped his arms around Katie’s waist, then the two of them had an intimate discussion. They lingered after the director said cut, and it got everyone talking.” The insider added: “There’s definitely been some off-camera flirting. One day, Katie was touching Adam’s arm while they were talking, like girls do when they like somebody.”

Tom Cruise isn’t worried about these reports however, because he knew that at the end of the day, Katie would have to come home to him where he could brainwash her again. And what’s this about girls touching guy’s arms when they like them? What a stupid way to do things, especially when guys don’t take a hint. My tried and tested method? Jump on their backs screaming “I love you, I like you! Don’t ever leave me!” Then they’ll know that your interested.

No Comments Yet »

Tom Cruise has been busy with the “New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project”…which was founded by Tom to help people who had developed lung problems after 9/11 when exposed to toxic waste. I’m not exactly what’s meant by toxic waste…does he think 9/11 was a nuclear holocaust which left traces of radioactive waste inside the firefighters? Does he think all that smoke caused liuttle alien eggs to be fertilized in the lungs of the victims? Yeah, I’m not making much sense, but neither is Tom.

Anyways, while Tom is out doing pointless crap, Katie took time off to connect with her family and friends at home in Ohio and even wants daughter Suri to start attending Catholicism classes…that won’t be pleasing old Tom, who probably wants Suri to learn the old testament, except in his version, there’s space overlords and he’s Jesus.

No Comments Yet »

We’ve all heard the stories, seen the pictures and listened to the hysterical wails coming from Tom Cruise’s house. Despite all this, some people still seem in denial that he isn’t trying to brainwash Katie Holmes into accepting his f***ed up cult.

Actress Jenna Elfman says that

“Honestly, do you have a great boyfriend or girlfriend? It’s not a big deal, right? You have fun hanging out, and you like talking and sharing your ideas. It’s exciting. That’s their relationship.”

I would like to point out that she is a fellow Scientologist, so no-one believes her. She’s lucky that people don’t kick her down and pee on her, because that’s what I do with people who believe in overlords and think that midget actors are saviors of their cult.

2 Comments »

What a great role for Tom! He gets to play a midget self-important megalomaniac in Bryan Singer’s new film about a real-life German plot to assassinate Hitler…maybe he will, it’s not certain what role Tom will have in the movie, but it’s pretty obvious, right?

I mean, look how similar they are! Hitler was short, Tom Cruise is short. Hitler had dark hair, so does Tom Cruise. Hitler believed in crap conspiracy theories of the Aryan race and well…Tom Cruise believes in space overlords, same difference, right? Heil Tom Cruise! The saviour of the crazy race called Scientologists…by the way, the crazy lady who lives down the road is a scientologist; she told me that she loves cats. I said that I did too. She asked whether I liked them roasted or fried. Because that’s what scientologists do! They eat cats and tell me they taste like chicken!

4 Comments »