SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

After days of breathless anticipation, by the single unemployed loner who still thinks the Spice Girls are cool, the verdict is out on their new single, Headlines (Friendship never ends)… It sucks.

Now Magazine reports,

Despite tickets for their reunion tour reportedly selling out in 38 seconds, the Spice Girls are not having much luck with their comeback single.

Download sales for Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) have been very disappointing and the single has received little airplay on national radio stations.

The song – which is the official Children In Need charity single for 2007 - is released on 19 November but has been relegated to the C-list on Radio 1, meaning it gets barely one play a day.

Now there’s a shock. I can’t believe the Teens that used to listen to the Spice Girls 10 years ago aren’t crowding up the phone lines… I mean, who doesn’t want to listen to a group of 30 something mothers sing about girl power, especially with cool names like Scary Spice and Baby Spice?… I guess it’s because they’re all 30 now.

I can’t believe their reunion tour sold out. I just hope Al Qaeeda bought all the tickets to give their members for “Fun Day”… I don’t want them to die (What sort of person do you think I am? Wait! Don’t answer that!), I just want those terrorists to suffer.

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No comment on the unoriginal title…

After the Spice Girls decided that they didn’t have enough cities to play in, they asked their fans to fill the gap… by choosing a city for them to tour.

A statement on their website read,

“It’s impossible for us to perform everywhere but we thought why not let our fans decide where we play? This is your chance to turn your city into ‘Spice City’! All you need to do is tell us where you want to see us. We are literally in your hands.”

“The city with the most votes will become ‘Spice City’ and we’ll definitely come and play there as part of our tour.”

Unfortunately (fortunately?) the genius that came up with the plan didn’t count on the Spice Girls massive following in Baghdad… It seems a lot of people love them out there… or a lot of people hate them here… something like that.

But seriously… is the part of America’s master plan… No more hot war… Because let’s face it the bombing failed… but now this… The Spice Girls in Iraq might push them over the edge… It’s simplistic… but brilliant.

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With a Spice Girls reunion coming up, Simon Fuller has given the members of the group a list of do’s and don’ts.

It reads as follows,

1. Do not talk about money that you will potentially earn from the reunion.
2. Talk about memories of the Spice Girls with affection and pride.
3. Do not get into spats between yourselves over plans and decisions – is it worth it?
4. Respect each other’s personal lives and commitments.
5. Respect each other’s views.
6. Raise any queries with Nicki (Chapman) and myself at the scheduled meeting.
7. Do not confirm or deny any rumours until everything is in place.
8. Do not worry about schedules and time — this will all be arranged with everyone in mind.
9. Do not become pregnant –please.

How did the Spice Girls get famous? No One I know, ever even listened to their songs. But that may be because I’m a hermit that lives with my Teddy Bear and Playboy Magazine. But I doubt it.

I think they just sucked.

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