SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

You know when people say “Money can’t buy you the important things in life”?. Yeah. They’re lying.

If you have enough money you can buy anything. Including the right to engage in sexual congress with a supermodel and the hottest thing to ever come out of Mexico, including that weird shaped Jalapeño I ate last week.

Meet Francois-Henri Pinault. Despite looking like an odd mix of a bulbous eyed freak and Frankenstein, Mr. Pinault, has managed to father Salma Hayek’s upcoming child as well as Linda Evangelista’s son, Augustin James. His other main achievement is being the son of a rich daddy.

Do you think I’m jealous? Because yes. Yes, I’m very very jealous. I feel like just grabbing that Jalapeño on my desk and grinding it between my teeth…

Oooh, Oooh, it burns so bad!!!

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Or so they say. With her being so pregnant, I can’t see the hotness beyond her bulging tummy…but maybe they have a point about that motherly glow…maybe everyone sees that and that’s why they call her sexy.

In an internet poll:

The top fifteen sexy celebrities - and the percentage of the population who found them sexy - is as follows: 1 Salma Hayek - 65 per cent 2. Jessica Alba - 64 per cent 2. Carmen Electra - 64 per cent 4. Shakira - 63 per cent 5. Halle Berry - 59 per cent 5. Beyonce Knowles - 59 per cent 5. Eva Longoria - 59 per cent 8. Catherine Zeta-Jones - 57 per cent 9. Jessica Biel - 56 per cent 9. Elizabeth Hurley - 56 per cent 9. Raquel Welch - 56 per cent 12. Jennifer Lopez - 54 per cent 12. Alyssa Milano - 54 per cent 14. Pamela Anderson - 53 per cent 14. Angelina Jolie - 53 per cent

Wow, Angelina got beat.

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Well, Salma Hayek is nearing the end of her pregnancy…or is she somewhere in the middle. Aaah, who cares? She’s getting fat and that’s just funny. She must be having some mood swings too. It must be cool to be pregnant, you can be fat and a b**** and no-one cares. They just tell you “Awww, you have a motherly glow”.

Photo credits to Yahoo…if I’m breaking copyrights, and I probably am…just lemme know at writer@soggycornflakes.com.

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Salma Hayek must be pretty far gone in her pregnancy and I guess she’s expecting a girl, she she went all out and bought pink things. But whatever, it’s Hollywood, everyone can get away with wearing pink, even baby boys.

The biggest clue? As Salma had baby boutique Bel Bambino cleared of other shoppers for an hour so she could browse in peace, a shopper heard Salma says “It’ll be perfect for her” in Spanish as she examined a pacifier. Now we will have to conduct a huge investigation on why Salma would say that. What was perfect about the dummy? Was it the colour? Was it the shape? Was it the size? Was it the quality? The questions are endless!!!

Oh…wait, I get it now. She said ‘her’…maybe she was talking about her mum. Some mothers use pacifiers. Ahhh, whatever, Salma’s having a girl. Girls are good. I’m a girl.

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Or something equally stupid and pointless. Isn’t it funny when celebrities speak out and act like they’re caring or noble or something. You feel like screaming at them to get back on the set or go vomit some more, you are so FAT. And no, your fatness has nothing to do with you being pregnant. Salma, that kid of yours better be gorgeous and clever…though a case of that hasn’t been reported since I was born.

Yeah, I think I just pissed Salma off bigtime. The Mexican actress has hit out against unfairly high expectations of women, that they are expected to do it all before they can be considered successful.

“Society thinks if you don’t have children, you’ve failed as a woman, even if you are chief executive officer of a company. “You’ve got to be beautiful, smart, skinny, tall, rich, successful at your job, married to the right guy and have genius children. And by the way, you also have to be a nun.”

Nah Salma, believe me, no one expects you to be a nun. Believe me!

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Is it just me, or is everyone in Hollywood getting knocked up? HAHA, you know what would be a fun twist, if she was expecting Tim Brady’s baby…because his sperm is certainly doing the rounds, so far he’s got two women pregnant at the same time.

Anyways, back to Salma. She’s 40 and is engaged to businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, English translation Frank-Henry Pinhead who’s 44. Aren’t these people a bit too old to be pregnant and impregnating? Nah, but in my psychology classes I learned that you only stop having sex when you’re 90…I think it might have something to do with being dead. Education rules, man!

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