SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

The president of the International Narcotics Control Board (The U.N's drug watchdog) has slammed governments for treating celebrities that take drugs, too lightly. Philip Emafo said that when celebrities took illegal drugs, it glamorised narcotics abuse. He made this statement when the INCB released it's annual report, which called for the targetting of top drug dealers. Emafo says,

"Celebrities are often involved in illicit drug trafficking or in illicit drug use and this is glamorised, If, indeed, they have committed offences they should be dealt with."

It's a brave message, I think. But at the end of the day if a person does drugs because celebrities do it than they probably deserve to die of an overdose. Just like the people that vote for Barack Obama because there's a video on youtube where all the celebs just chant Obama like a mini Hitler club. Yes, I was undecided before but now my decisions been made! How could it not be, when a bunch of overpaid, high school dropouts, with an over inflated sense of self-worth chant Obama into a camera? How I say!?* *I definitely stole that joke from somewhere... I just can't seem to remember where.

We haven't heard much about Pete Doherty in a while, but that's only because he's too busy snorting and injecting things into his eyeballs. And he's doing that in rehab. Kate Moss visited him recently, where he lovingly presented her with a gift of a dead mouse attached to a brooch. Pete Darling, that seriously won't work on the catwalks. Pete, despite cheating on Kate, is supposedly still in love with her and the gift was a symbolic expression of his feelings, just in a slightly dead and gross way. A source says:

“Some people might find it disgusting but it’s still art, if in its extreme sense. Nobody baulks when Damien Hirst puts a shark in formaldehyde and this is very similar. It’s become the latest outlandish fashion statement in Manhattan but Pete is trying to emphasize how he feels without Kate - defeated, crushed and broken, like the dead animal.”

Or maybe he's saying that he's a rat? I think after rehab, a trip to the psychiatrist may be in order.

So I guess he's going to jail. Because asking Pete Doherty to give up drugs is like asking me to give up chocolate...or asking Hannibal Lector to stop eating people's brains...or telling Tom Cruise to stop being a closet homo. It's just impossible. The singer has been given 4 weeks by the judge to even show some remorse and desire to sober up or she'll put him in jail. He then told the judge that he understood her...nice to see you're paying attention Pete. In July, Pete was convicted of possessing quantities of crack cocaine, heroin, cannabis and ketamine...he pleaded "I do"...before changing his answer to guilty. Or at least that's how I see it in my mind. Dumbass. Him, not me.

Kate Moss' former boyfriend, rocker Pete Doherty reveals he wants her back. The troubled Babyshambles rocker, who recently had another anti-heroin implant fitted to help him beat drugs, says Kate is a jealous "nasty old rag" but he still loves her. He says,

"Kate has broken my heart. There's been this lockdown and I can't get hold of her. This is the only way I can get through. I'm here to tell her that I love her. Kate is both jealous and suspicious. She is a nasty old rag and she kicked me in the head. But I love her because of the things she does in bed and because she is a multi-millionaire! When she finished our relationship in a blazing row I decided never ever am I going to go through that again."

And people wonder why Kate Moss fell for him? It's now blindingly clear that it was due to his charm and magnetism. And what a way to win her back! By calling her an old rag! If that doesn't work than he should try punching her in the groin, that'll definitely seal the deal! ... (But if it doesn't he can chuck her into a burning house... Aaah! Romance)

Like being a loser isn't enough, Pete Doherty has proven himself to be a real jerk by cheating on girlfriend Kate Moss...which resulted in his break-up with the supermodel (who by the way, was declared one of the top 10 most beautiful women in the world by some delusional magazine). As the screwed up couple broke up, stories of Pete's infidelity and sex addictions have been revealed to Kate, who is apparently devastated by them. Ugly Pete is supposed to have spent a night with South African model Lindi Hingston (who in my opinion, is prettier than Kate...not that that constitutes as a reason to cheat on your girlfriend). Here's a comparative picture of the two. You decide who's prettier and then we can all contemplate why the universe is so screwed up.

First brunette Lindi Hingston, 29, told of her fling with the 28-year-old Babyshambles star which happened two weeks ago. Then Italian rock fan Lara Laghi, 21, also revealed that she had sex with Pete eight months ago when he was reportedly engaged to Kate. Model Lindi, who has dated Hollywood hunk Jared Leto, 35, and rocker Axl Rose, 45, fell for Pete after they met at a London club. She told pals: “I felt like I was cheating on Kate, but I just had to do it.” A friend revealed: “Pete told Lindi he was single. Lindi knew it was insane, but said it was a lot of fun. She said they had great sex.” Lindi’s pal added: “She does seem to really fancy Pete. She told me she has spoken to him on the phone many times this week. And she has agreed to meet him again.” Meanwhile Lara said Pete plucked her out of the crowd at a gig in Rimini, Italy, just 24 hours after Kate returned to the UK. She said: “From the moment we met, Pete made it clear he wanted sex. “He never mentioned Kate at all, despite the fact she had been with him just hours earlier. “I did feel a bit guilty about Kate but Pete was acting like she never existed. “When I asked him about her he just shrugged.”

Well, Lindi might be pretty, but there's no accounting for taste. Is this that theory kicking in, that a pretty girl will have ugly friends to make her look good? So supermodels all date crap like Pete, making them look way more gorgeous than they are. Wow, you know, my friends are really pretty and they...wait a second! Oh crap...

There must be some mistake! Pete Doherty and…-gulp- drugs…Pete would never take drugs! Pete is an angel! Like Saint Peter, except without the halo and wings! Pete Doherty cannot be taking drugs, he just can’t! It’s like, impossible! I bet he could get Scotland Yard in to clear things up, because there is no way that Pete could have been caught on the 5th of May in possession of Class A drugs…there is just no way! Maybe they arrested him for being so good! In this decadent society, it happens. Don’t people get it; Pete Doherty could never ever ever take any form of drugs, not even aspirin. Yes people, aspirin is a drug. It’s a hallucinogenic, it makes you imagine that the headache you had is gone…talk about evil.

Ummm, yeah, I think that's what he said, from what I understand in his stoned-out ramblings. Or he could have been saying that he gave up drugs because he loves his family...but that's about the same thing, right? Anyways, ContactMusic reports that Rocker Pete Doherty has decided to stay off drugs because his family is tired of his ways.

"The people I'm closest to have had enough. They've said it's drugs or them. A lot has changed in the past week."

Pete's family must be dissapointed...I think they were hoping he'de choose drugs and just get lost and die in a ditch somewhere...somewhere classy though, because celebrities like Pete should die in a cool place, like a ditch dug by Paris Hilton...I'm losing the plot, aren't I?

The sad low-life that is Pete Doherty was once again found doing drugs. A friend took a video of Pete snorting what looked like cocaine and horse tranquilliser. Wow, did anyone know that Pete Doherty took drugs? I'm sure I didn't. I mean, just look at him, he looks like an angel...an angel with wings and a halo...and he's covered in white powder. No, the white powder is not crack...it's fairy dust. Pete's night job is being Tinkerbell, and he goes around stealing little boys and taking them to Neverland...I know what you're thinking, that's Michael Jackson's job, but only during the day, Pete the angel takes over at night. You know what? The other night, I found Pete the Angel in an alley, he looked so beautiful, covered in rubbish and piss. It was the pee of angels, how blessed our Pete is.

Mark Brown, 21, of Bristol, has been charged with hacking into police computers to see the police records of celebrities. Apparently, he got information about celebs such as Pete Doherty and Christiano Ronaldo. Oh puh-leez, even without looking at the records, I can tell you the rap-sheet on Pete Doherty...Drugs, drugs, charged with possession of drugs, found high on drugs, found injecting drugs into someone, drugs and more drugs. See? I told you so. Oh, and also being charged with being the 5th dumbest person alive.