SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

After the unparalleled success of her first book (Confessions of an heiress), which outsold Harry Potter, The Ko’ran and the Bible together (At least in Paris’ own mind), Paris Hilton is set to write another book detailing her lifestyle of carefree extravagance.

Her agent said,

“She is thinking of doing a new book, and I don’t believe at this time, it’s contemplated to be a so-called prison diary.”

Anyone who buys this book is in desperate needs of literary cleansing (Read Hitler - me, Gypsies - them). Or they should be exorcised. Or stabbed in the heart over and over and over with a stake. Whatever hurts the most. I’m not very fussy.

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So says Hayden Penettiere.

I guess all of us got her wrong.

Penettiere (It’s her birthday today, y’know) was speaking about how she’ll stay grounded because she has to do chores. When the topic of Hilton came up, she said,

“I’ve known Paris since I was 13. We did a film together before I was famous,” she said. “At 15, I did party with her, but I was just doing what every teenage girl does.

“Paris is a very nice person and a lot brighter than people give her credit for - she’s a marketing genius, but no one sees her like that because she plays this character all the time.

“She just laughs at silly people who judge her and goes, ‘OK, think whatever you like about me, but I’m the one having fun’.”

I don’t get it… Is Paris Hilton really smart? Have we all been fooled? Or is she just the by-product of the worlds obsession with celebrities and whores? Is Paris Hilton really just an evil genius… hell bent on Hollywood domination?

…

dun dun dun dun! (That was the scary music they play at the end of horror movies, in case you don’t get it)

(By the way… No, Paris Hilton is still stupid. Why do I say that, you ask? Because it makes me feel secure that the world is still normal… because if Paris Hilton turned out to actually be smart… than I’d be forced to change all my preconcieved notions and religious agenda’s… and that would mean I’d have to stop throwing stuff at all those Jehova’s witness guys… No… No… Paris Hilton is still stupid… She has the IQ of a rock man… a stupid rock…)

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Donald Trump is said to be interested in bringing together the three names most commonly associated with the words “business success”… Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Trump, reportedly wants the threesome to feature on a “Celebrity Apprentice”.

When asked about it Trump said,

“We’re negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it? We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a [bleep]ing mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.”

Hilton, he adds,

“wants to be on, and we’re thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it.”

When queried about Lohan,

“Another [bleep]ing mess. We haven’t asked her yet, but I’m going to call her this week. It would a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them,”

Trump has reportedly already reeled in Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, original “Apprentice” villain Amorosa, Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon.

He says,

“There are more than a hundred others who want to be on the show,”

How arrogant do you have to be, to be Donald Trump?

Answer: Very Arrogant

I don’t see how appearing on a pathetic reality show, hosted by a balding ginger egomaniac is going to help their careers. I really don’t.

Also if, as Mr. Trump says, 100’s of other celebs want to be on the show, than how come he’s angling for a fat mother of two, A druggie and a druggie with a sleepy eye. It boggles the mind.

And again if 100’s of celebs want to be on Mr. Trumps show, than how come the only luminaries he’s managed to get so far are people who are desperately trying to hold on to their last thread of fame, people who are trying to break into acting and the ugly Judd sister?

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Apparently Maxim magazine is living under a rock, because they don’t seem to know what’s going on with Lindsay Lohan and have judged her as number one in the Hot poll and put her on the cover of their 10th anniversary magazine.

A little quote from the article:

For the past year we’ve all been voyeurs into the paparazzi’s Lindsay Lohan Show. But now the 21-year-old megastar is ready to put her catfights, car crashes, and rehab behind her and concentrate on what’s important. Namely, her work and being Hollywood’s sexiest woman.

Do you consider yourself sexy?
Um, I’m starting to blush. I don’t know how to answer that. Every girl wants to feel sexy, and I like to think of myself as sexy. It’s a matter of confidence and how you hold yourself. Everyone’s sexy in her own way.

So when did Hilary Duff take over Lindsay’s body, because I’m sure she couldn’t have said that. It probably went more like this:

Do you consider yourself sexy?
“Yesh I do” -guttural moan- “lookie here!” -attempts to moon the interviewer but trips over herself and collapses to the floor, snoring-

You all know that that is how it happenned. Everything else is just a lie. Or a PR trick. Tomato, tomaato.

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Or so says Paris Hlton.

Lionel Richie’s adopted daughter, is currently pregnant with her first child with pseudo-rocker Joel Madden (outside of marriage too! What will the church elders say!?). Despite being sentenced to 4 days in jail recently, on-off friend Paris Hilton, reckons Richie will be a “great mum”.

Hilton says,

“She’s really happy. I just got off the phone with her. She’s so excited. I know she’s going to be the best mom ever.”

I assume Paris Hilton’s mum was something like Carrie’s mum… except in opposite… like trying to make sure Paris goes to hell… anyway… Paris Hilton’s mum must’ve sucked if she thinks Nicole Richie will make a “great” mum.

I can imagine Nicole Richie hiding food from her children, as they lie starving on the floor… too weak to even cry. Laughing at them, while assuring them they’ve almost reached their “goal weight”.

If you haven’t noticed yet… I have problems.

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Nick Carter…who’s he again?…has said that he will never date Paris Hilton again…oh, he’s that guy!

Apparently he felt some unconscious urge to tell us that he’s sick of the sight of Paris Hilton and it took a very wise question from a bandmate of his to get the truth out of him.

Howie Dorough asked:

‘You don’t think about her no more? You ever wish you could be back with her?’

He said:

“To be honest, no. I don’t even care anymore. I think half of America doesn’t care either.”

Of course they don’t Nick, because the rest of America is breathlessly hanging on your every word. Please speak! Speak!

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Victoria Beckham has reportedly issued a “hands-off” to Paris Hilton, after hearing that Hilton thought her hubby, David Beckham, was hot. She has told friends that Paris and other young Hollywood stars - including Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears – had better keep their hands off David.

A source says,

“This move to Los Angeles means everything to her. She is happier with David than ever and sees this as an exciting chapter for her and their boys. Although she trusts David 100 per cent, she will not tolerate any of the Los Angeles party girls making a move on him, or seeing him as fair game.”

“She wants this to be very clear from the start - David is a devoted family man and these women should forget about trying it on with him. The young Hollywood club crowd, such as Lindsay, Paris and Britney, are positively salivating over David.”

Last week it was claimed that Victoria had turned down Paris Hilton’s offer of friendship. Paris is reported to have said about Victoria: “We could be soul mates.” However, the singer apparently told a pal: “Over my dead body!”

…

It’s only in Hollywood where you have to tell people that a married man if off limits… Than again it’s hilarious how Posh Spice thinks that she’s better than Paris Hilton in some way. They both “earned” money for doing nothing. Don’t say Posh was part of the Spice Girls! She just stood there in a mini-skirt with that self satisfied pout on her face.

Basically she’s a glorified back up dancer, used to distract people from the faces of the rest of that hideous troupe.

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Many of us were expecting Paris Hilton to make loads of money selling…ummm… whatever it is she sells, to the American public. However, it seems that instead of making money, Hilton has lost a shed load. Around 60 million dollars to be (kinda) precise.