SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Owen Wilson has apparently gotten tired of having sex with the pretty (yet sadly boobless) Kate Hudson and has moved on t pastures… umm… less green, shall we say. Reports from the set of Wilson’s new movie, Marley and Me, say that he is having a ball of a time with… wait for it… Jennifer Aniston!

Star Reports,

“The hugging didn’t end when the cameras stopped rolling,” one crew member tells Star. “They were very flirty together, far more than you would expect. In between takes they were hanging onto each other. They are very friendly.”

I have a hard time believing this is true. Sure, Kate Hudson’s no supermodel… But she’s still miles ahead of Jennifer Aniston. And didn’t Owen Wilson try and kill himself because Kate Hudson dumped his ass? Perhaps he has a death wish?

…I’m becoming a really good detective of late… Any one else think I should change the sites name to Soggy Sleuths?

… And as I become a better detective the jokes get worse and worse… Sorry readers… I’ll try harder tomorrow…

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While there’s still no official confirmation about what happened with Owen Wilson, the actor is still in hospital and he was well enough to release this statement.

“I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time,”

And he said that to Reuters. Tell me, why do they get all the news and quotes. I know they’re like this big news agency…oooh, but what about growing websites like ours? Someone tell us something too! All I hear about is how the neighbour’s cat coughing up another hairball.

And the queen of tact Kate Hudson has decided to come out with her new romance as her ex-boyfriend is in hospital and her soon-to-be-ex-husband is still moping around. Way to go girl, that’s how women empower themselves. By being the worst organism known to man.

The actress is going out with comedian Dax Shepard…He can’t be funnier than me. No-one reaches the levels of self-debasement and self-hate like I do. Do you think people would pay attention to me if I pulled an Owen? Yes, I made up a new adjective. What you gonna do, huh huh?

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The more famous brother Own Wilson has reportedly been hospitalised because he tried to commit suicide. Before I go into details, I’d like to say “DUMBASS!!!” I mean, first you’re stupid enough to try and attempt suicide and then you can’t even do it right. If you’d read SoggyCornflakes, you’d know our frequent motto…it’s down the road, not across! Then you wouldn’t be looking stupid, everyone would just be mourning your death and analysing why you could have been so troubled.

The story doing the rounds:

“Owen Wilson has now been transferred from St. John’s to another Los Angeles area hospital. His brothers Andrew and Luke are with him.

“Andrew found him after the suicide attempt and called an ambulance. Both of Owen’s wrists were slashed superficially and Owen had taken an overdose of pills.

“Owen was found with a nearly empty bottle of pills next to him. He was at his house in Santa Monica.”

Superficially? C’mon, stupid sissy. I wonder why he would want to commit suicide though. That’s never the answer…unless you’re stupid, then in that case, go ahead and shoot yourself.

So the guy has his brothers with him and according to another source, his parents as well. Seriously, they didn’t teach us anything in psychology. They told us that men usually use more violent means of killing themselves…though I guess they didn’t take celebrities into account, because they’re like a whole other species.

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So another celebrity couple bites the dust and a marriage was ruined for…well, nothing.

Kate Hudson have officially split up…wait, not officially, but that’s the news doing the rounds today. A source says that they are still good friends. Hmmm, I wonder how Kate feels that she broke her marriage up for a friend? Hollywood is so messed up.

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