SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Like mistress, like dog. Ho Ho Ho, and that ain't a Christmas cheer.

You know, I think I've hit a new low as a celebrity blogger, having to write about Paris Hilton's dog and the fact that it's dating Joel Madden's dog. Dog's don't freakin' date! They're more the wham-bam-thank you ma'am kind of animals. Except they won't even say thank you.

Paris has been dating Benji Madden of Good Charlotte fame for a few months now and her good friend (again) Nicole Richie is engaged to Benji's brother Joel, the owner of the aforementioned dog. Recently, Benji left a post on their band website, after a family party at the Hilton's,

"There were lots of babies around and everyone brought their dogs and they were all dressed up. "We just found out that Eazy, Joel's dog, and Tinkerbell are now seeing each other. She seems happy, we wish them the best..."

Kill me! Please, kill me, before I continue writing about this...ugh, whatever it is, you can't even call it a story.

Oh well, I'll stop here. Hope you like the new look SoggyCornflakes and I'll be back tomorrow with more posts. Finally, this website will start getting regular posting again, though I apologise already if you don't find me as funny as TheSman. He's kinda given up on here, except the occasional post or two every week. Have a good day!

Nicole Richie, Lionel Richie's adopted daughter, has recently increased the population of the worlds idiot's by one, after giving birth to her and Joel Madden's demon love child. I know it's kind of mean for me to pick on a kid, without giving him a chance, but... look at his parents! God didn't give this kid a chance. Anyway, Nicole isn't happy with the one good thing that comes from pregnancy... Massive Jugs! She says,

"I'm bustier now, and I really don't like it. It doesn't really fit with my wardrobe, it's not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra I really don't like it," "I like wearing vintage hippy see-through shirts that aren't slutty on me because there's nothing to look at. Now I have boobs so I can't really wear it because it sends out a different message."

That's why no one likes their wife... or their baby's mommy. Before the guy agreed to be her bitch for life, She would always dress pretty and put on some nice perfume and make up... After the guy gives up his freedom, the only time the woman will put on make up is when she goes out with her own friends... So other guys can make moves on her and make her "feel sexy". Oh How I despise commitment. NOTE: I understand the same can be applied to males... But men are stupid... If they wear fresh underwear every day, they're doing you a favour. Because I promise you he didn't used to do it before he committed himself to you.

In both body and mind. Us Weekly reports that Nicole Richie is continually pestering her baby's daddy, Joel Madden, about his ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff. A source tells Us Weekly,

"She will ask if he's going to watch Lizzie McGuire DVDs or listen to Hilary's albums, Joel tells her she's being out of line."

I guess that always happens with insecure women. They think their man is looking at every single woman in the world... Which he probably is... But still. It doesn't help saying it all the time. It just disturbs the woman watching experience... Which is a lot like bird watching... except with more masturbation. Not me though. I'm like a monk. I just look down and walk straight...* *Into hot girls. That's what monks do, right?

After Nicole Richie was released from prison after 82 minutes (A story which SoggyCornflakes.com obviously missed... it's what we do... Unlike other celeb sites that copy and compete with each other to break the latest news we just ignore news completely... It's what makes us special... High-Five!), her attorney said she was pleasantly surprised. He said,

"Nicole was aware that most people with sentences similar to hers are booked and released in a matter of hours and she was hoping to be treated like everyone else, Nevertheless, she was prepared to serve her entire four-day sentence had the Sheriff's Department required her to do so." "Of course, she was pleasantly surprised to be released so quickly,"

I hate rich people. I wonder what surprised her more though. The fact that she actually had to go to jail or the fact that she was there for 82 minutes. C'mon Man. She could have snorted 4 lines of Coke in that time... Or eaten an entire years worth of her personal food intake. Why must these authorities be so mean to the rich?

Does it really matter? Nicole Richie's baby is still going to be born out of wedlock and be a little b******...I don't know why I put stars in. It isn't swearing when it's the truth, right? I'm just scared some teacher might try and read this blog...then I'll be in trouble. Ca you get detention even after you're out of highschool? I think so! While at a party thrown by Perez Hilton (how low can you go?), DJ Kane announced to the crowd that Joel recently got engaged...Joel Madden didn't acknowledge the announcement exactly...

"Joel did not say anything about the engagement other than to wave to the crowd and acknowledge the roar when the radio personality made the announcement. He then walked off stage,"

That's obviously from some source, who obviously wanted to stay anonymous since he breathed the same air as Joel...how humiliating! Anyways, even if he did propose, will it really make a difference? You know he's just doing it so Lionel Richie doesn't kill him...or something equally menacing, like being molested by Care Bears. I'm not making sense anymore, am I? I think I'll shut up now.

Nicole Richie isn't the smartest tool in the shed, but at least we know she has enough brains to go to the hospital if she's bleeding when she isn't supposed to be. Luckily (I think), she didn't lose her baby, but doctors did tell her to eat more to feed the child, and she's supposed to have a hormone deficiency as well. You see, anorexia and pregnancy just don't mix. That baby will be born thinking that it's fat. You can just picture Nicole cooing to her stomach: "Who's my little baby? Who's my little nunus? You better stay little and keep me thin my sweetums, or mommy might have to take desperate measures. Yes, you're gonna be my shining star, the apple of my eye...mmmmm, apples...No, Nicole! Apples make you fat! Do you wanna be fat? No! Me and my baby are gonna be thin together."

Or so says Paris Hlton. Lionel Richie's adopted daughter, is currently pregnant with her first child with pseudo-rocker Joel Madden (outside of marriage too! What will the church elders say!?). Despite being sentenced to 4 days in jail recently, on-off friend Paris Hilton, reckons Richie will be a "great mum". Hilton says,

"She's really happy. I just got off the phone with her. She's so excited. I know she's going to be the best mom ever."

I assume Paris Hilton's mum was something like Carrie's mum... except in opposite... like trying to make sure Paris goes to hell... anyway... Paris Hilton's mum must've sucked if she thinks Nicole Richie will make a "great" mum. I can imagine Nicole Richie hiding food from her children, as they lie starving on the floor... too weak to even cry. Laughing at them, while assuring them they've almost reached their "goal weight". If you haven't noticed yet... I have problems.

In the worst kept secret of the year (accompanied by the most over used cliché of the year), Nicole Richie is pregnant! The Simple Life star confirmed that she is expecting a baby with pseudo-rocker, Joel Madden. She said (When asked about the pregnancy rumours),

"We are. I'm almost four months,"

I’m not sure what they asked her… but… “we are”?... is this woman’s lib gone crazy where when a women is pregnant the daddy is too? Or maybe Joel Madden is a shemale… It would explain a lot of things... like why I think he has nice eyes... I mean... ummm... Do you want to take a look at my chainsaw and power tools... and my Playboy collection?

We wouldn't want a pregnant mother to suffer, would we? Yeah we would, if it was Nicole Richie and the baby was Joel Madden's. She'll probably get a small suspended sentence for driving under the influence, which probably won't be served until the baby is born...then Nicole will get sick and weak from the pregnancy and still won't be able to go to jail...then she'll develop another eating disorder after seeing how fat she got from the pregnancy and will need psychiatric evaluation...end result? Nicole Richiw on't go to jail. This world isn't fair.

Nicole Richie was reported a few weeks ago to be pregnant with Singer Joel Madden's child, by my esteemed colleagues from SoggyCornflakes - Sports and I'm here just to confirm...well, fuel the rumours. The actress is also reported to be engaged to Joel Madden. No Nicole, being pregnant is not a good reason to get married. Well, that's just my view, but I'm always right. Awww, more ugly babies can be born into the world to two more people who aren't at all equipped to deal with kids. That is the sad but obvious truth with regards to Nicole and Joel...hey, that rhymes! Gross...Daddy Lionel Richie says he has no idea what's going on with Nicole since she doesn't tell him anything...great communication skills, I see.