SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Sorry for not updating the last few days. I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only let me go this morning...or something to that effect. If I told you that our internet was down, would that be more believable? Ok, then that's what happened. So SoggyCornflakes will be back up, until we stop paying our webhosting bill, which will hopefully be never. And we'll be updating throughout the week as usual...well, Saturday's and Sunday's if we feel like it. Welcome back to crapness, may you never leave.

Jamie Hartman, the guy who belongs to some band and isn't famous enough to get his picture on google image search (yes people, that is the source of all my powers), says that he won't take drugs like other celebrities... So wait, let me get this straight... You think you're a celebrity? Ok dude, you just keep telling yourself that. Self-affirmation is the key to success. That's why I keep telling myself I'm a millionaire, even though I don't even have monopoly money.

"Close mates have had overdoses and I realised than that it's not a good look. When I lived in New York a few years back my mate collapsed, hit his head on the pavement and had convulsions." "If drugs are what you need to be creative, then you are p*****g in the wind."

That word is 'pissing' by the way, in case you can't read stars like me. While I seriously admire his ideals, he's only saying that because he isn't a celebrity yet and no-one has started giving him drugs for free yet. His band's name is Ben's Brother...apparently he has some unresolved childhood issues or someone called him "Ben's brother" and he never got over the fact that he has no identity of his own. You can totally tell I do psychology, right?

Just wanted to tell you guys, we've opened up a new section on SoggyCornflakes: Features. Give us a visit here. The link will also be on the main page soon. Happy Reading! -Tigger-

Is anyone interested in Link Exchange? You don't have to have the same content as this blog, but just be a respectable website/blog (that means no porn, cheap viagra or dirty jokes...ok wait, dirt jokes are ok, they make me laugh, I have a filthy mind anyways). So just leave a comment and I'll get back to you as soon as possible or feel free to link me and I promise to link you back, cross my heart and hope to die. -Tigger-

Slow news day...or maybe I have a psychological need to make fun of Salman Rushdie. He is not a celebrity, he just pisses me off, but I take pleasure in laughing at his misery, so here goes. His fourth wife, Ladma Lakshmi, is leaving him, most likely because she became immune to the drugs and realised what a sad little midget she married. He has frequently been accused of marrying her for her looks, which he has denied, but my question is, what did she marry him for? If I was a cynical person, I'd say for money, but I really believe that he's a clever, sensitive human being and she married him for his charming personality and witty conversation. Oh man, I couldn't even write that witha straight face! Of course the whore married him for his money!

Ok, so I got bored of my last theme and Bomberboy said it looked like a website of Satan worshippers...and since I'm a strictly non-practicing Satanist, I had to change it. I hope you like it, I'm still trying to sort it out, so if you see anything wierd for the next few days, please ignore it. Happy Reading Tigger

It’s been 10 years since the death of Princess Diana and Dodi Al Fayed, and guess what? The inquest still hasn’t started because Mohomed Al Fayed needs more time to prepare. I really don’t see the point of this. Making a huge deal out of this isn’t going to bring them back. Believe me, I tried. I had the whole court set up, with the Honourable Judge Teddy presiding. But it didn’t bring Diana back! -sob- It didn’t work! -sob-

Christian Chavez (I'm sure you have no idea who he is and niether do I), a singer from the Mexican group RBD has announced he's gay after pictures emerged of him kissing a man.

I don't want to keep on lying and lie to myself because of fear, I feel bad for not having shared this with all my fans before, as they are the ones that worry and it is because of them that I decided to be honest."

Dude, no one knows who you are and no-one cares! Except maybe some Mexicans who are probably be crossing the border right now, so they don't give a shit either. You can be as gay as you want, so there, you have my blessings, fly away, little gay bird, be free.

Ok, so it doesn't, but I just liked the sound of it. Alliteration rules, Baby! I gota make this quick because I have class just now. A Sports Illustrated party ended up as a health scare when it was revealed that a caterer was positive for hepatitis and may have exposed the stars that attended the bash to Hepatitis A. People who ate uncooked food (gross!) may have been more likely to have been exposed to the virus. Serves them right, who eats raw meat? It's like the richer you are, the more like a caveman you become. Soon celebrities will invent their own language, that consists of grunts and more grunts! There's exclusive classiness right there!

Do any of you know who Ryan O’Neal is? Isn’t he the guy who gave the voice for…ummm, wait, he’s that guy who played the uncle in…-that’s not right. Ok, so sue me, I don’t know who this guy is, but he was arrested for attacking his grown-up son with a gun at his Malibu home. I don’t know what his son did, but that’s just good old discipline right there. I mean, when Mary misbehaved in “Little House on the Prairie”, I know for a fact that her dad pulled out his rifle and shot her in the knee-cap…or was it a fork in the eyes? Was that why Mary was blind? Anyways, I encourage all parents to discipline their kids with guns…you know why? Because the constitution says I have a right to bear arms…even though I’m not American, it applies to me, right? Awww, God bless America.