SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Madonna has asked the press to lay off fallen popstar Britney Spears, because her daughter, the weirdly named Lourdes, feels sorry for her. Madonna says,

"(The media) need to step off. For real... Let's go save her. (Lourdes) knows Britney, but she doesn't really watch TV or read gossip stuff. I think she sort of gets the drift of what's going on, and I think she feels very protective of Britney."

People have been making fun of Britney incessantly for the last 3 years. In this period, she's lost her career, her husband, her children and her last remaining smidgens of self respect. And now... after Britney's lost it all... Madonna wants the press to stop? Because her daughter doesn't like it? Really? God this b*tch is crazy vain. Someone needs to judo chop her. Or stab her. Or gun her down in cold blood. Or sit down and explain to her that the world doesn't revolve around her inflated head contrary to what her hubby tells her. Whatever.

The Queen of England, Madonna, is set to adopt another Malawian baby after it was revealed that she stood a good chance of keeping, David Banda, her first adopted child, following some legal mishaps (The biggest being, that David's father thought David was on a holiday). She is set to adopt a Malawian girl known only as Mercy. She has been described as "a smiling angel". However this time Madonna has made sure there are no problems and has her lawyer covering all legal bases. A source close to the family says,

"Madonna's over the moon that she's been told she can take Mercy. She didn't want another complicated adoption." "Mercy is a beautiful baby girl. She's so joyful and happy and giggles every time she's picked up. Madonna just loves the way she claps her hands and laughs constantly. She has huge, dancing eyes. Madonna calls her her smiling angel."

That's great for Mercy, but what about me? Why isn't any crazy rich person adopting me? Sure, I have two perfectly good parents right here... but so did David Banda and that didn't stop Madonna. Anyway... I'm sure if she told my parents that she was taking me away to live a life of care free debauchery with the only side effects being having to follow a fruity non-religion and having a crazy mum, they'd say I could go. Or she could just say, "Give me your child"... Or she could just say "Give"... Or she could just show up... I sometimes think my parents want to get rid of me... Anyway Madge... call me. But not in that way... Paedo

Today’s posts seem to be about Britney Spears or dead people or people who look like they’re dead (i.e Madonna). I’m not sure which is worse but this whole story kinda grosses me out. John F Kennedy Jr. was the son of former president JFK, though he never knew his dad. There’s always been rumours that the president wasn’t particularly good at keeping his little generals at base camp (rumours of affairs with actress Marilyn Monroe and others) and they often went AWOL and I guess John picked that up from his dad, along with his taste in women…and men. John found an iconic blonde of his own and the only thing that stopped him from doing the deed with Madonna was lack of a condom…gross thought, considering what Madonna looks like now, but at least they practiced safe sex. In a recent autobiography, it was written about the un-finished relationship between the presidents son and Madonna, and some confidantes accounts of John's relationships with men. Gross. I know we're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but the dead mustn't give me reasons to speak ill of them!

Oh my God, Madonna, the legendary singer once slept in a hell-hole where prostitutes frolic and junkies dance around. Ummm, yeah, maybe my verbs are a bit off, but Marc Almond of Soft Cell revealed that before Madonna started her career, she borrowed his apartment for a few days.

"It was a hell-hole. There were prostitutes upstairs, and junkies downstairs. I've always felt ashamed she stayed in such a pit. If I'd known how big she'd become, I'd have sold my bedsheets on Ebay!"

Charming.

I can't remember where I read this before but Kevin Costner was pissed off at Madonna because she made fun of him. Now he has forgiven her after she apologised in mid-concert.

He tells the Los Angeles Time newspaper, "She was performing about three or four years ago, so I decided to take my daughters to see her. "I didn't call anybody for tickets, I just got the tickets and we went down... And about the third song in, the lights were down, and she said, 'I want to apologise to someone.' "All of a sudden, my face starts to get hot... And she says, 'I want to apologise to Kevin Costner.' She just said it very simply. "Ninety eight per cent of that audience didn't know what she was talking about. But I really respected that... Whatever possessed her, whatever was inside her, she came to her own decision and a bigger thing came out of some kind of humiliation."

Well, I can't pretend like I really care, my acting isn't that great but I would like to take this opportunity to blow a big raspberry: Pltltlrlrlrlrlrlrrrr! There, now that was a lot more fun except I have to wipe the spit off my screen now.

Well, that’s if the counselling doesn’t work, but whatever. Who would want a controlling, manipulative, domineering and Kaballah-obsessed psycho as a wife? I know Kaballah is supposed to be some form of Jewish mysticism or something, but if I had a sect/organisation I laughed at, Kaballah comes right after Scientology. Apparently, the pop queen and director husband Guy Richie are having serious problems, ranging from who’s hogging the blankets (leading them to sleep is separate beds) and Madonna’s obsessive-compulsive need to wear bits of red string and declare spiritual enlightenment. Yeah, so in essence, Madonna’s a has-been, Guy Richie is a never-been and I’m queen of all cocopops. The End.

I gotta make this quick because I’m going to watch the build-up to the Cricket World Cup, I’m sure Bomberboy will be writing about it in his sports section, so go read their of you’re curious. Madonna’s ex-nanny is planning to write a memoir about her time with Madonna, her husband and kids, including the controversial adopted baby David Banda, and about Madonna’s involvement in Kaballah. Oh man, I wish I had the time to make fun about this, there’s so much I could say. But let’s just leave it at how mentally scarred the nanny must be with all the ritual sacrifices and praying to the space Overlords…ok, wait, I think that’s Satanism and Scientology, but is there really a big difference? Whatever, I’m off to watch the cricket. More tomorrow.