SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Like mistress, like dog. Ho Ho Ho, and that ain't a Christmas cheer.

You know, I think I've hit a new low as a celebrity blogger, having to write about Paris Hilton's dog and the fact that it's dating Joel Madden's dog. Dog's don't freakin' date! They're more the wham-bam-thank you ma'am kind of animals. Except they won't even say thank you.

Paris has been dating Benji Madden of Good Charlotte fame for a few months now and her good friend (again) Nicole Richie is engaged to Benji's brother Joel, the owner of the aforementioned dog. Recently, Benji left a post on their band website, after a family party at the Hilton's,

"There were lots of babies around and everyone brought their dogs and they were all dressed up. "We just found out that Eazy, Joel's dog, and Tinkerbell are now seeing each other. She seems happy, we wish them the best..."

Kill me! Please, kill me, before I continue writing about this...ugh, whatever it is, you can't even call it a story.

Oh well, I'll stop here. Hope you like the new look SoggyCornflakes and I'll be back tomorrow with more posts. Finally, this website will start getting regular posting again, though I apologise already if you don't find me as funny as TheSman. He's kinda given up on here, except the occasional post or two every week. Have a good day!

In both body and mind. Us Weekly reports that Nicole Richie is continually pestering her baby's daddy, Joel Madden, about his ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff. A source tells Us Weekly,

"She will ask if he's going to watch Lizzie McGuire DVDs or listen to Hilary's albums, Joel tells her she's being out of line."

I guess that always happens with insecure women. They think their man is looking at every single woman in the world... Which he probably is... But still. It doesn't help saying it all the time. It just disturbs the woman watching experience... Which is a lot like bird watching... except with more masturbation. Not me though. I'm like a monk. I just look down and walk straight...* *Into hot girls. That's what monks do, right?

Does it really matter? Nicole Richie's baby is still going to be born out of wedlock and be a little b******...I don't know why I put stars in. It isn't swearing when it's the truth, right? I'm just scared some teacher might try and read this blog...then I'll be in trouble. Ca you get detention even after you're out of highschool? I think so! While at a party thrown by Perez Hilton (how low can you go?), DJ Kane announced to the crowd that Joel recently got engaged...Joel Madden didn't acknowledge the announcement exactly...

"Joel did not say anything about the engagement other than to wave to the crowd and acknowledge the roar when the radio personality made the announcement. He then walked off stage,"

That's obviously from some source, who obviously wanted to stay anonymous since he breathed the same air as Joel...how humiliating! Anyways, even if he did propose, will it really make a difference? You know he's just doing it so Lionel Richie doesn't kill him...or something equally menacing, like being molested by Care Bears. I'm not making sense anymore, am I? I think I'll shut up now.

Or so says Paris Hlton. Lionel Richie's adopted daughter, is currently pregnant with her first child with pseudo-rocker Joel Madden (outside of marriage too! What will the church elders say!?). Despite being sentenced to 4 days in jail recently, on-off friend Paris Hilton, reckons Richie will be a "great mum". Hilton says,

"She's really happy. I just got off the phone with her. She's so excited. I know she's going to be the best mom ever."

I assume Paris Hilton's mum was something like Carrie's mum... except in opposite... like trying to make sure Paris goes to hell... anyway... Paris Hilton's mum must've sucked if she thinks Nicole Richie will make a "great" mum. I can imagine Nicole Richie hiding food from her children, as they lie starving on the floor... too weak to even cry. Laughing at them, while assuring them they've almost reached their "goal weight". If you haven't noticed yet... I have problems.

In the worst kept secret of the year (accompanied by the most over used cliché of the year), Nicole Richie is pregnant! The Simple Life star confirmed that she is expecting a baby with pseudo-rocker, Joel Madden. She said (When asked about the pregnancy rumours),

"We are. I'm almost four months,"

I’m not sure what they asked her… but… “we are”?... is this woman’s lib gone crazy where when a women is pregnant the daddy is too? Or maybe Joel Madden is a shemale… It would explain a lot of things... like why I think he has nice eyes... I mean... ummm... Do you want to take a look at my chainsaw and power tools... and my Playboy collection?

We wouldn't want a pregnant mother to suffer, would we? Yeah we would, if it was Nicole Richie and the baby was Joel Madden's. She'll probably get a small suspended sentence for driving under the influence, which probably won't be served until the baby is born...then Nicole will get sick and weak from the pregnancy and still won't be able to go to jail...then she'll develop another eating disorder after seeing how fat she got from the pregnancy and will need psychiatric evaluation...end result? Nicole Richiw on't go to jail. This world isn't fair.

Nicole Richie was reported a few weeks ago to be pregnant with Singer Joel Madden's child, by my esteemed colleagues from SoggyCornflakes - Sports and I'm here just to confirm...well, fuel the rumours. The actress is also reported to be engaged to Joel Madden. No Nicole, being pregnant is not a good reason to get married. Well, that's just my view, but I'm always right. Awww, more ugly babies can be born into the world to two more people who aren't at all equipped to deal with kids. That is the sad but obvious truth with regards to Nicole and Joel...hey, that rhymes! Gross...Daddy Lionel Richie says he has no idea what's going on with Nicole since she doesn't tell him anything...great communication skills, I see.

You know, I hadn't heard anything about Nicole Richie for a while now...I though she had died of starvation or something. But people who die from anorexia do not cry when their boyfriend dumps them...the just go POOF and disappear in a cloud of dust. Apparently, Nicole is alive and kicking and appears again after being dumped by boyfriend Joel Madden of Good Charlotte when he declared her as too clingy and dumped her at the MTV Movie Awards after-party.

A source told the Daily Star: "Joel was acting like a single man at the awards party and they openly argued. Nicole was in tears at one stage."

I don't know whether to feel sorry for her or laugh...I think I'll laugh. Hehe...he? It's just not funny enough. I give up, I'm going to sleep. Sweet dreams people.

Hilary Duff says that the pressure of staying thin is really hard, because no-one seems to be happy with her and have always branded her as too fat or thin. The singer and actress (or would singing actress be more appropriate?) says that she's never had an eating problem (unlike many actresses her age including rival Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen Twins). Her new album ("Dignity") will be out tomorrow, so guess who'll be using LimeWire tomorrow? Ummm, no, wait! I mean, guess who'll be waiting three months before the album is released in this hellhole of a city? Hilary recently broke up with rocker Boyfriend Joel Madden and while she isn't willing to talk about it, she'll sing about it. My therapist says that's a very healthy way of expressing yourself, especially when people die when they you sing...now that's real power.

That’s how far they’ll go to make Nicole Richie eat. You ask, who are the mysterious ‘They’…They are the men in black, the New Zealand cricket team, who were the only team in the opening ceremony to have any kind of fashion sense…Ok, I’m rambling here, sorry, I have to lay of those smarties. Nicole Richie and boyfriend of 3-months Joel Madden have reportedly decided to tie the knot (which I’m sure won’t be amusing Hilary Duff). Lionel Richie, Nicole’s adopted father has approved of Joel, especially since he’s been watching for Nicole’s weight…isn’t that sweet? He doesn’t want his girlfriend to get too fat…What? You mean he wants her to put on weight? What the heck kind of a boyfriend is that? My ex-online boyfriend was better than that, he loved me just the way I am, and there was nothing possessive about him not letting me chat to other boys online, that’s called L-U-R-V-E…it’s so sad I had to delete his ass when he wanted me to put out. Cyber-sex is so not kewl girls, so don’t do it until you’re married.