SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

While Jessica Biel films another movie that will accentaute he ass and boobs, Justin Timberlake seems to be having a bit of fun with Kate Hudson. The two have been seen together lately and Life and Style reports,

Justin was spotted in early February having lunch at a Whole Foods Market in NYC with Kate Hudson. And on Jan. 11, Justin and Kate were seen at the new club Villa in Hollywood and reports circulated that they kissed.

I’ll be honest and say I’ve never gotten Jessica Biel’s appeal. Apart from her great ass of course. Her face is so-so and she’s kinda built… beat-me-up built. So… I can understand why Justin Timberlake is doing this. Kate Hudson’s hot… in a boobless way and she doesn’t look like she can break a guy in half and she has a pretty face. A pretty face is important in a relationship. Sooner or later you’re going to have to do it face to face, no matter what any porno tells you.

So… Yeah. Well done JT.

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Firstly I’d like to apologize for the scarcity of updates over the last two weeks (read: none), however I have a good excuse… I was holding off an alien invasion single handedly… and I’m on holiday… and who would’ve thought that it’s tough to get an internet connection in the third world… I mean, can’t you swap some beggars for some copper cables you douchebags?

Still, I’m sorry you couldn’t get your celeb news… With me being gone and all… I’m sure you didn’t abandon me and start reading other blogs… did you?

Anyway.

Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, Jessica Biel, has been voted the cleanest-living female celebrity by SoCal Cleanse Detox users, while junkie Amy Winehouse was voted the “dirtiest” and most unhealthy.

The male section of the poll was led by football star David Beckham (and NO I did NOT get that wrong, he plays FOOTball… Not girl rugby i.e American “football”). He was closely followed by Matt Damon and Jake Gyllenhall.

The entire list reads as follows,

Cleanest female celebrities
1. Jessica Biel - 35 per cent
2. Carrie Underwood - 22 per cent
3. Rachel Bilson - 20 per cent
4. Jessica Alba - 16 per cent
5. Tyra Banks - 7 per cent

Dirtiest female celebrities
1. Amy Winehouse - 47 per cent
2. Paris Hilton - 21 per cent
3. Tara Reid - 16 per cent
4. Courtney Love - 13 per cent
5. Heidi Montag (”The Hills” actress) - 3 per cent

Cleanest Male celebrities
1. David Beckham - 28 per cent
2. Matt Damon - 26 per cent
3. Jake Gyllenhaal - 18 per cent
4. Matthew McConaughey - 16 per cent
5. Zac Efron (”High School Musical” actor) - 12 per cent

Dirtiest Male celebrities
1. Tommy Lee - 45 per cent
2. David Hasselhoff - 22 per cent
3. Vince Vaughn - 18 per cent
4. Kiefer Sutherland - 11 per cent
5. Jonathan Rhys Myers - 4 per cent

I only have 2 points to make:

Point 1: I’m pretty sure that in the next ten years all the dirty female celebrities (and probably the males too) will die of overdosing, AIDS and general sluttiness… Oh, and why isn’t Lindsay Lohan there? Rehab… pffft.

Point 2: I’m pretty sure all the cleanest men are gay. Except for Matt Damon. He was in the Bourne Supremacy and you can’t fake that manliness baby.

NOTE: Another point… I only just realized how appropriate Amy Winehouses surname is. Admittedly it would be even more appropriate if her surname were Crackwhore.

NOTE 2: I lied about the aliens. The were actually Nazi’s.

NOTE 3: I lied about the Nazi’s.

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It’s a slow news day, so today all of you get to learn new words like nasal cavity!

Yay!

Anyway, Jessica Biel, who is currently enjoying her 15 minutes of fame (Except they seem to be going on forever!) says that she wants everyone to thinks she’s perfect… or something to that effect.

She says (About the paparazzi),

“It just feels so violating. To walk out of my house in the morning with the dogs, someone’s hiding behind the bush with a camera and someone’s hiding over there with a camera and there’s someone with a video camera and I’m thinking, is my underwear sticking out of my pants? If I reach back there will it look like I’m picking my wedgie? Don’t pick your nose (Nasal cavity… see?) - Just walk! It’s like being stalked - but then fame is something you started yourself.”

At least she admitted she brought it on herself. I despise the celebs that keep saying that they hate being celebs, while they actively seek out new ways to whore themselves out…

I also hate terrorists. And the Nazi’s… Oh… Oh… And I hate Snap (From Rice Krispies)… That arrogant prick… with his pixie dust… and smilie smile… GET A JOB JACKASS!!!

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Jessica Biel, who was recently voted number one in Stuff magazine’s 100 Sexiest Women 2007 says she refuses to strip on screen.

The actress says,

“Im sure I’ve lost some roles because I don’t do it. The other day I read a script that required some nudity, something topless. It’s probably going to be a great movie but I just don’t want to do it.”

They all say that. Than their career starts fading, and in a final gulp for life-giving fame, they go nude in some film in the name of “art”. The film still flops however and they spiral into depression…

At least that’s how I see it… I’ve been waiting 3 years for Jessica Alba… So what if I haven’t put on pants for 3 years? It’s gonna happen people!

It has too…

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Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend Jessica Beil says that she loves dating a bad boy, because there’s always a chance that he’d cheat on you. Apparently she also likes to be tied up, peed on and have her heart ripped out through her throat…same thing, right?

“There’s something about being with a guy who could cheat on you. It’s pretty exciting.”

Firstly, is she talking about JT, because the guy is as far from a bad boy as you can get. Secondly, what’s wrong with you?! Does she honestly expect us to believe that your partner not being loyal to you is funny and exciting? Seriously chick, you need help.

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More pointless news…

Actress Jessica Biel says that she’s attracted only to funny guys.

“Funny is key - funny, silly, someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously, someone who can be ridiculous. That’s the most attractive thing.”

Weird, and she’s dating Justin Timberlake…I never considered him very funny. But I bet she can make him cry…now that’s funny.

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I think…Lindsay Lohan is so not the cute, curvaceous girl she once was. Now she’s a crackwhore of the highest order. So how she was named the “Hottest in Hollywood” by Life & Style magazine is beyond me. It’s like naming my teddy the smartest dude since Einstein or renaming Paris Hilton Princess Diana. Those things just don’t make any sense.

Other people in the superlatives list are Kate Hudson for the shapeliest legs and Jessica Beil for the most athletic body. Matthew McConaughey got the award for the best pecs. And just for an excuse to put Jessica Alba in the list, she’s the starlet with the shapeliest shoulders. Jeez, this is like the time in high school I got nominated for best legs and I wear pants!

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Actress Jessica Beil thinks that Hollywood won’t accept her because she’s just too “hot” for her own good.

She thinks her new movies will help her career though, because she’s not doing sexiest or most glamourous roles.

“I hope all my new work will help producers in getting past my hotness. I try not to make the headlines. I’m self-conscious about this. I try to not make my presence known. I have my own fashion style and do not try to fit in. I don’t have my breasts under my chin, I’m not showing butt cheeks, nor much legs. I don’t go for the trendiest look.”

Now I have a new celebrity to laugh at. You know, even the most gorgeous girls and guys are sweethearts as long as they don’t admit that they’re good-looking. They can be doing cartwheels in their head and screaming “I’m so friggin’ hot!” into their pillows at night as long as they don’t tell us about it. As soon as you admit you know you’re good-looking, then you just become a loser like Paris.

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