SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Her head I mean... She likes her head so far up her butt...Not... y'know... other things... Sicko's. So... Apparently People Magazine have agreed to pay 6 million Dollars for the "privilege" of publishing photo's of the Lopez/Antony litter... Oh... and they have to stop calling J.Lo, J.Lo. Stop Calling Jennifer Lopez, J.Lo I mean... In case you got confused by all the J.Lo's.

TMZ has learned not only has Jennifer Lopez sold her baby pics to People mag for a cool $6 mil -- she got the mag to agree to stop calling her J.Lo! A source tells TMZ J.Lo made the deal and threw in the moniker clause as well. We're also told J.Lo instructed People, in addition to the loot and the name thing, that her hubby, Annie Leibovitz wannabe Marc Anthony, has to be the one to shoot the photos."

She wasn't happy with 6 million Dollars? For photo's of her (probably) weird looking kids? Give me 6 million Dollars and you can have my kids. Not now... But y'know... When they come... Or maybe you can let me guess you're name... and if I do I can keep my kids... Nah... That sounds too troublesome... Keep the kids. NOTE: As you can see, I called J.Lo, J.Lo about 7 times so far in my post. I think this proves what we (The 5 regular readers of this blog) already know. Me >>>> People Magazine.

J.Lo has finally revealed the names of the spawn that crawled out of her... umm... lady parts a couple of days ago. And the names are... (drumroll please)... (hold your breath please)... Max and Emme! Max and Emme? How disappointingly normal... ... Still I don't think I'd mind if I was J.Lo's kid. Sure, I'd be ugly as sin and be the child of one of the most "up-her-own-ass" celebrities in history. But... y'know... I'd be rich... yeah... (Fine, I'm 3 days late with the news... Don't be all smart alecky! I also have other things to do... like... umm... like... eating and stuff)

Finally! Jennifer Lopez is reported to have checked into North Shore University Hospital in Long Island, New York as she prepares to give birth to two Skeletor-ian kids. Lopez, has supposedly had the room booked for the last 2 weeks, forcing thousands if not millions of mothers to give birth to their kids in the hallway (I assume). A source tells Page Six. A patient at the hospital told the site she overheard excited staff members exclaiming,

"J.Lo is here,"

These nurses are bloody stupid... getting all excited because J.Lo showed up. Not that I wouldn't be excited. I would. But only because I look forward to punching her in her face really hard. It's not like her 5'6 hubby can do anything to me, He's only about 2 inches taller than me! Sure her bodyguards might get all aggressive but I'll just say, "What had to be done was done, and there is nothing more that can be done". And than we'll all nod sagely as Jennifer Lopez attends to her own broken nose.

Initial reports say that Jennifer Lopez and her freakish looking hubby are demanding 6 million Dollars for the first glimpse of their spawn (So 3 million each?) HollyScoop.com reports,

Jenny from the block is expected to fetch anywhere from 4-6 million dollars for exclusive rights to the photos, but you know she's not gonna settle for less than 6. And I bet she isn't donating a penny of that to charity like Brangelina would.

I hate her. I mean literally. I know people say you can't hate someone you've never met... but I do. I think it shows the depth of my soul... Or how pathetic I am. I hate her kids too. Any magazine that wants to pay money for her skeletor kids, can be assured that they will no longer have my patronage (Pfft... Don't look at me like that... I read... Mostly manly stuff... I only look at those magazines for the pictures... Promise!). I'm betting it's gonna be those pathetic suck ups at People. *Makes mental note to stop downloading People from torrent sites

Jennifer Lopez has denied claims that she's preganant. She tells Us Magazine,

“No, no! We get this every week!,” says Lopez. “I don’t mind when people talk about this. I get the interest. I’m not the only [celeb] who gets these rumors.”

Yes Jen, we're all desperately waiting week after week to be able to ascertain did you have unprotected sex with Skeletor. Thanks for putting me out of my misery... until next week.

So finally her front will match her derriere...yes I'm mean, I know. I have issues with people who are richer with me. My therapist says I have to stop hitting the baggers at the supermarket just because they live lives of luxury and decadence. An insider reports that she's approximately 12 weeks pregnant, which makes her...um, 12 divided by 4...carry the 2...erm...3 months pregnant? Ok Ok, I cheated, I used a calculator. So in 6 months time, we'll either see a cute Latino baby or a big bum...depending on which genes the little moster gets. She and husband Marc Anthony have been trying to get a baby for a while and finally resorted to in-vitro fertilization (hehe, slow swimmers). The news just gets better for Jennifer who may even be expecting twins. Wow, I wonder how big she's gonna get...and I wasn't talking about her stomach.

Jennifer Lopez speaks about different things all over the place, but I sense a common theme...she wants to get fat, apparently. Firstly, she wants a baby, because she thinks it will solidify her marriage with Marc Anthony. She knows people wonder why she hasn't gotten pregnant yet, while Christina and Britney are pooping out babies all over the place.

"Marc and I just saw the film Children of Men. The message of the movie was, if we don't have children, there's no hope for the future, maybe that's what all the pregnancy rumours are about. Or maybe it's not that deep."

I"m not sure how relevant that quote is, but it's all I could find. Secondly, she talks about her junk food addiction and how she has to use alot of self-control to keep off the pounds.

"If I've got a movie or an album to promote, I'll work very hard to stay in shape for those few months. But I eat McDonald's every now and again, and go through phases where I don't exercise at all. "Even though I always try to eat healthily, I'll often allow myself a nice treat, like a chocolate-chip cookie - I just won't eat the whole packet! "If I'm putting on pounds, I tend to be more careful what I eat but I don't do anything drastic. I'll eat a little bit less and exercise a little bit more. "Also, I'll work out with my trainer twice a week and eat more fish and steamed vegetables but I'll still eat carbs. "Food is a great gift in life - it's there for us to enjoy."

Wow, I have to say I agree with Jen. Chocolate...I want chocolate!!!

Except I’m not exactly sure what she’s saying, I mean, what’s the point of saying that you have a real relationship with your husband? You’re expected to have a real relationship, so unless you had a very different idea of marriage, you shouldn’t be saying this kind of stuff…see? Psychology is finally paying off. I can talk crap and make it sound like I know exactly what I’m talking about.