SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

We know that while Brad Pitt is playing happy families (well, mostly happy) with Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston hasn’t had the same luck in the dating apartment as her ex-husband. The actress has gotten a new boyfriend and his name is Brad.

Well, it’s Bradley Cooper (that’s him above you, looking strikingly handsome), but it’s obvious that she can’t seem to let go of the memory of Brad. And the new Brad is in the process of divorcing his wife too, and her name is Jennifer. Um, Jen? Isn’t that telling you he already hates all women called Jennifer?

Jennifer was surprised by the coincidences, and the obvious source says:
“Jen was amazed and laughing at the fact that they might have been in a Twilight Zone scene about parallel worlds colliding,”

Is it just me or are there a lot of people named Source in Hollywood? Just joking…I know his first name is Close.

So let’s analyse this, because I like wasting time. Jennifer is going out with a man named Brad…before, she was going out with a British model who shared quite a lot of physical resemblances with Brad Pitt…so what was Vince Vaughn? Brad Pitt’s alter-ego?

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It’s reported today that Jennifer Aniston sent a message to to former hubby Brad Pitt saying, “See – I told you so”, on what the actor faces now with a self-admitted “moody” Angelina Jolie.

The message came after Brad had discouraged Aniston from avoid visiting his mum, due to it irritating Jolie.

Tiffany Law, (apparently) a close friend of Jennifer Aniston, revealed,

“Jen felt all along that Brad’s new romance may not be all it was cracked up to be. The news that Brad and Ange are reportedly on the rocks come as no shock. Jen told Brad: ‘You have made your bed – now you have to lie in it’. Angelina has started to boss Brad around in a way Jen never did.”

There’s a shock! Jennifer Aniston whining! Who would believe that?!

I mean with her great cinematic career that includes masterpieces like Along came Polly and Leprechaun, you’d think she’d be too busy to be bitter. What with all the hard work that goes into all those Oscar winning roles.

I guess not.

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Not like it’s particularly exciting news, no-one was particularly aware that Jennifer Aniston was even dating the British model, but I suppose she was. Now they are broken up and still no-one cares.

A source close to Jen says:

“There was chemistry, but the truth is that Jen wants to settle down with a reliable man and start a family.

Paul travels a lot and is constantly surrounded by beautiful women. They remain friends, but are just in difference places”

Yeah, the guy’s name was Paul Sculfor, if you didn’t get it, yeah, he’s not very cute though I do like the pic above. Kudos to the person I stole it from.

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How weird, the rest of us use chocolate to dim the pain when someone break’s our heart, but Jennifer Aniston apparently feels better by twisting her body and breathing deeply. Oh well, whatever works for you.

Jen was completely devestated when her marriage to Brad Pitt fell apart (and who wouldn’t be? The guy was that hot!) and felt that the only way to let out her anguish was to cry to Alicia Keys and meditate. She says it was better than therapy. Well, chocolate is good to…excpet it makes you fat…so maybe Jen is on to something here.

Guy breaks your heart + yoga = looking so good that he’ll be regretting it for the rest of his life.

On the other hand, she was up against Angelina Jolie…I thing chances of guilt-trips by Brad are considerably lower.

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Angelina Jolie cannot be happy about that…I did read somewhere that she told Brad Pitt if he took their daughter to meet Jennifer Aniston again, their relationship would be over.

A source tells British magazine Heat, “They met for just over an hour. It was very emotional. Jen held the baby and called her ‘adorable’.” The pair have reportedly stayed in contact since, with a series of email conversations. The source adds, “They are trying to be adult about the whole thing. Now that they have properly moved on, they can move towards building a friendship.”

That’s nice…oh, and Brad wasn’t trying to hide the meeting or anything, because he took the nanny and maid with. Why does a little kid need a maid? Doesn’t the nanny do that stuff? Wow, the life of the rich and famous…I don’t have anyone…just 250g of chocolate to keep me happy…that works better than a nanny, I’m sure!

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Celebrity Babylon today managed to grab pictures of Brad Pitt’s mom, visiting Brads ex, Jennifer Aniston.

It’s well known that despite her son dumping Rachel… I mean Aniston, Jane Pitt, mantains a close relationship with the girl from Friends… the one that did David Schwimmer.

I’d like to speculate on the thrilling conversation they had:

Jane: How are you dear… Oh my god! You’re chin looks HUGE!!!
Jennifer/ Rachel: You bitch! You’re like Angelina Jolie!
Jane: No, you’re like Angelina Jolie!
Jennifer/ Rachel: No, you’re like Angelina Jolie!

and so it would go on… I hope you guys were simulated by the witty banter that went on between the two.

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In Celebrity news today…

Everyone’s favourite Royal Harry (wait, does anyone even have a favourite royal? I think I’ll put a poll up for it and get back to you) is in Namibia with his South African girlfriend Chelsy…erm, ya and that’s it. No drunkenness, No sex (from what we see anyways) and no Nazi costumes.

Lindsay Lohan crashes her car…again. What’s this? Does this girl have a death wish? Chick, if you wanna die, just slash your wrists! Incidentally, this is her fourth accident in 18 months…you go girl!

Ok, Demi Moore is delusional…she wants more kids…with Ashton! OMG, this is just sad. Demi says having a 28-year old toy boy for a husband is her idea of happiness. While I’ll agree and say having a cute husband is great, how does she wake up every morning knowing that he will always be hotter and younger than her, no matter how much nip-and-tuck she has? That’s my idea of depression…oh well, hold onto him for as long as you can Demi.

While I think Angelina is kewl…you know, by helping out orphans and all that shit…seriously, can’t she give Jennifer Aniston a break? Jenny invited her former in-laws over for Thanksgiving dinner (who had arrived to meet Brad and Ange, but didn’t know they were in India and thus, didn’t have a place to go). Now come on, that was sweet of Jennifer…Angelina, you got your man, now shut up! And go adopt another orphan while you’re doing it!

Blah, blah, blah. I know there’s other celeb news out there, but you can’t expect me to tell you all! I’ve only got 2 hands! If you have something ultra-juicy that you wanna tell me…email me: celebnews@soggycornflakes.com

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