SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

A family source tells People Magazine that mini-moron Jamie Lynn Spears is engaged to the father of her baby, Casey Aldridge. Even though previous reports had suggested that the Spears family wasn't happy at the thought of an underage Jamie Lynn getting married, but when your older daughter is losing it, a little engagement doesn't harm anyone. The source reports,

"She's got an engagement ring. She's been showing it off, talking about it."

Casey was the president of his high school class and now lays pipes for a living in his small Mississippi town. Could they be any more White trash? I thought class presidents were supposed to be pegged for success and Ivy League colleges. No official confirmation has been received and no one knows when the wedding is supposed to be.

After getting knocked up at 16 and (reportedly) offering her body to random underage boys all over Louisiana, Jamie Lynn Spears has supposedly decided that it's actually not that cool to be an underage single mother (Surprised? I bet you are!). Her answer to this mind numbing conundrum? Make sure that f***** Casey Aldridge pays... by marrying her. Page Six says,

Brit's expectant little sis, 16, is hoping to make things legal with beau Casey Aldridge, 18, during a ceremony this summer, her dad, Jamie, and mom, Lynne, are definitely not onboard. "Jamie thinks she is too young," says a snitch. "Her mom, Lynne, is stressed out about the whole thing."

That's sweet. It's like how the next door neighbour's kid plays "Wedding time" with her dog... Except replace the cute kid and the pit bull that has mauled 3 people already, with two semi-retarded teens. One that has a baby inside. Aah Love! It's bliss, isn't it?

Despite the fact that Jamie Lynn Spears got knocked up by who knows who, she recently managed to obtain her GED (The American equivalent of a high school diploma). She is now set to write her ACT (I'm guessing a college entrance exam) and wants to attend Louisiana State University. A friend of Spears says,

“She wants to take her ACT. She’s not wasting any time. People don’t know her. When she gets something in her head, she’ll make it happen. Everybody is so supportive of her.”

I bet now everyone's going to start patting her on the back saying what a brave soldier she is, and how she's setting a great example to knocked up hicks girls everywhere. Here's some food for thought. Most pregnant teens can't afford 2 nannies to babysit their kids while they're off getting sozzled in universities. I'm deep that way.

And by dirty stuff... I mean... the s word... You know... intercourse... Sorry... I can't say it. Still affected by my highly conservative childhood. Anyway. Jamie Lynn Spears, the other inbred mong from the Spears clan is allegedly setting a great example for her tweeny fans, by going around and doing *it* (shudder) with any guy she can get her hands on. A source tells Star,

I know for a fact that Casey was not the first guy she slept with -- or the last," says one fellow teen in Kentwood, La. "There were at least two others. I know that 110 percent." Another friend says that before her pregnancy Jamie Lynn partied hard but always in private. "Some people drink to have a good time. But she drank to get wrecked. She drank to get messed up and forget about her mother, her sister and all of that." Just days before announcing her pregnancy in December, Jamie Lynn shocked a boy at a party by asking him for sex. "It's cool, I'm pregnant," she said. "I can't get pregnant again!""

Isn't that sweet? Can you imagine the grunts and moans coming out of room 101 at Pacific Coast Academy, before the inevitable "I'm starting to feel sick... UUUURRGGHHH.... Oh... Sorry... are you gonna eat that?". All the while Chase will be outside, amidst his sobs I'm sure he'll find time to touch himself. (So what if I watch Zoey 101? I'm a television connoisseur people! I have to watch it! Also... it's either watch that or study Applied Maths... what would you do?!)

There's another Spears baby coming into the world people! Shockingly enough it's not Britney's. 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears, star of Nickolodeon's Zoey 101 (Which I never ever watch... ever... because it's girly... and I'm all man, baby), has been knocked up by her boyfriend of a year and a bit, Casey Aldridge, who she met at church (No jokes). The Associated Press reports,

Spears is 12 weeks along and initially kept the news to herself when she learned of the pregnancy from an at-home test and subsequent doctor visit, she told the celebrity magazine, which hits stands in New York on Wednesday and the rest of the country by Friday.

Nickolodeon released the following statement,

"We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being."

I suppose by "well being" they mean "being fired". ... Wow... why is everyone in such a hurry these days? I mean... I knew for sure that she would be an unwed (possibly teenage) mother... what with my sixth sense, and amazing ability to read people (Oh, and she's Britney Spears sister)... But at 16? Come on! At 16 I was still figuring out how to tie my shoelaces and she has to figure out hwo to bring up a kid! What're you people laughing at!? The poor girl has to bring up a kid with a husband that more likely than not dreams of being head packer at Walmart. Almost as bad as a wigger husband who dreams of being a rapper. Still though... this whole situation could have been avoided if these losers had actually listened to someone (The priest or their slutty friends)... Either don't do it, or cover up when you do... Dumbass... that goes for Britney too.

Yesterday Britney Spears and her little sister, Jamie Lynn, were getting sushi when a short rude lady rushed at them screaming "Nobody wants you in this neighborhood! You're making the neighborhood unsafe!" The paparazzi defended Britney by yelling at the woman, and then Jamie-Lynn stepped in and shouted in her face, "Then move the fuck out of the neighborhood!" She than ran behind the group of paps instead of facing of to a women that looked like she's be comfortable in a coffin. She left from the back door of the restaurant. Charming. If you needed proof that class is hereditary than look at the Spears. Britney who's a model mum. And Zoey... I mean Jamie Lynn... who screams at retirees. I wonder what the mum does... Shoot Vietnam veterans?

Britney Spears just keeps falling lower and lower, but I'm not talking about that...yet. Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's small sister and now "the prettier sister" recently went with her dad to a Justin Timberlake concert. Awww sweet, my dad won't even take me to the cricket. So let's review: Britney Spears: Started out as the most desirable woman in the world...now mother of two, fat, alone and pathetic. Cannot keep underwear on or has a tendency to lose it just before photos are taken. Jamie Lynn Spears: Started out as cute and annoying, famous only because her sister was and often has Britney come in to fight her battles. Now still ok and doesn't hate her parents. Has to put up with the flack of having a cow as a sister. They should do a reality show together.