Mar 10
2008
The bad news keeps rolling in…
OC Star, Rachel Bilson, who is rumoured to be dating The man who single-handedly ruined Star Wars (TM), Hayden Christensen, says that she is ready to leave Hollywood and settle down in the role of a mom.
She says,
“I’ve always been a really maternal person. I really want a family. I love the career I have chosen, but I’d be quite happy as a housewife, at home with the kids. I think I’d be really content.”
One has to ask… Why can’t Hayden Christensen retire?
He can’t act* and he kinda looks like a woman and Hayden is a sexually ambiguous name. It’s a perfect arrangement!
… I’m a brilliant problem solver. Sometimes I think I should join the U.N and y’know… maybe solve the Israel-Palestine conflict… World hunger… stuff like that. But than I think the need is greater here… at home. Otherwise, who’s going to find the TV remote and deduce exactly what time the match is on relative to GMT?
*Not that Rachel Bilson can act. I just think her face is a lot more marketable than Hayden Christensen… a LOT more… I mean the difference between the back of a movie theater filled with masturbating pre-pubescent boys… or nothing.
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Aug 20
2007
Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen have topped the list of movie couples with the most unconvincing on-screen chemistry. The two “won” after their performances in the last two Star Wars movies.
They lead a list including Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez and Madonna.
The full list reads:
1. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
2. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in Gigli
3. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Madonna and Adriano Giannini in Swept Away
5. Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery in Entrapment
6. Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral
7. Kate Beckinsale and Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbour
=8. Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut
=8. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain
10. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic
It’s not really surprising though. Hayden Christensen sucks. He’s managed to destroy every movie that he’s been a part of. You could put the guy in The Godfather, in a non speaking role, and he’d still destroy the movie.
I don’t like him. Did you notice?
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