SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

David and Victoria Beckham have reportedly renewed their wedding vows due to... ummm... just... because they felt like it. The Daily Mirror reports,

David planned the entire nuptials without Victoria's knowledge and surprised Posh with a second proposal. Posh was apparently totally surprised and overjoyed -- and even managed to get dressed for another trip down the aisle before the end of the day. The couple married in front of a small group of friends and later had the phrase "De Integro", which is Latin for "again from the start" etched above their matching wedding date tattoos on their wrists.

Firstly... let's laugh at how Victoria Beckham tried to make it look like David did all the arrangements. Yes... A guy that can barely speak his mother tongue arranged a full blown wedding... good one! Secondly... "De Integro"? What the hell's wrong with these idiots? Do they think that just because they wrote something that no one understands it makes them classy? Do they think that people look at it and say, "I have no idea what that means... Victoria and Dave must be cultured."? No! No it does not! It just makes you a douchebag! A massive enormous douchebag with an ego problem! A collossal douchebag with an ego problem and a stupid sign! God, the Beckhams are douchebags, aren't they?

Ok, I'm not sure what exactly I meant by yelling that, but it felt good. Well, no it didn't, but I'm bitter. I don't get pleasure from anything, besides other people's pain. And since the Beckham's are not in pain, I'm not having any pleasure and the world continues to suck. Some stupid criminal decided that his loyalty lay with the LA Galaxies, David Beckham's new team and so he left his criminal friends, who'd been doing the rounds of the nieghbourhood the Beckhams lived in and turned himself over to the police, just because he couldn't make himself rob the house that held the Galaxies most overpaid player. While I get the loyalty thing (I wouldn't be robbing Arsenal players either), the dude doesn't seem to get the concept of what it means to be a thief. Thieves...steal...which means they take money from the rich and give to the poor. Oh wait, that's Robin Hood. Nevermind.

David Beckham and his wife, have decided to start an intensive new beauty regime to protect their skin from the intensive Los Angeles sun. The couple - who moved to the US last month following David's move to soccer team Los Angeles Galaxy - have been covering their bodies in an expensive French face cream, recommended to them by close friend Katie Holmes, to prevent premature ageing. A source tells the Daily Mail,

"They sometimes do it together when they have spare time. Both of them keep talking about the intense heat in Los Angeles and how it is different from the Spanish sun they are used to from their time in Madrid. David and Victoria are both very concerned about their skin ageing." "David smiles in front of the mirror to examine how many lines it brings up. He wants to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. He is willing to use bucketloads of the cream if it helps."

There're so many things to make fun of in this post... I don't know where to begin... OK... one by one... Firstly... They take advice on anti-aging cream from Katie Holmes?! The 29 year old that looks like this? I'm not saying she looks old... I'm just saying I'd rather offer her a wheel chair than a make out session. Secondly,when you look like Posh Spice, looking old is the least of your worries. Rather, she needs to find some cream that makes her look less like an alien, in case her new deluded Scientologist friends, mistake her for Xenu. And finally... David... Just tell Posh you're gay... I mean... I'm pretty sure she realised it the 50th time she caught you reading Playgirl, "for the articles".

Just because a guy has more lotions than me doesn’t make him gay, right? He’s just metrosexual…which means you’re gay without the sex. Yes, I’m crass, I know. But whatever, two big metrosexuals are going to be able to taste forbidden fruits when David Beckham and Robbie Williams play a gay couple on Desperate Housewives. Marc Cherry, the creator of the series, says:

"David and Robbie are perfect to star as the new neighbours' best friends; the gorgeous, eccentric couple flown over from Blighty (Britain). We haven't had that kind of wow for the wives since Jesse Metcalfe left and we want it to cause such a stir when they turn out to be together.” “David's keen, but though the obvious choice was to work with Tom Cruise, we wanted someone who matches him in height and well, Britishness, so Robbie is the one,” “They're both funny, game for a laugh and ridiculously macho, so it should work wonderfully... the English are pitch-perfect for sending themselves up.”

I wonder if Cherry being gay has anything to do with his latest couple on the block. And dude, you’re seriously delusional…David might be good-looking and Robbie is also hot (to some), but watching two guys make out…doesn’t turn on any woman. So please, don’t put your own fantasies in the show and pretend you’re doing it for us. Though I wonder…who’s the ‘man’ in that relationship?

Victoria Beckham has reportedly issued a “hands-off” to Paris Hilton, after hearing that Hilton thought her hubby, David Beckham, was hot. She has told friends that Paris and other young Hollywood stars - including Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears – had better keep their hands off David. A source says,

"This move to Los Angeles means everything to her. She is happier with David than ever and sees this as an exciting chapter for her and their boys. Although she trusts David 100 per cent, she will not tolerate any of the Los Angeles party girls making a move on him, or seeing him as fair game.” "She wants this to be very clear from the start - David is a devoted family man and these women should forget about trying it on with him. The young Hollywood club crowd, such as Lindsay, Paris and Britney, are positively salivating over David."

Last week it was claimed that Victoria had turned down Paris Hilton’s offer of friendship. Paris is reported to have said about Victoria: "We could be soul mates." However, the singer apparently told a pal: "Over my dead body!" … It’s only in Hollywood where you have to tell people that a married man if off limits… Than again it’s hilarious how Posh Spice thinks that she’s better than Paris Hilton in some way. They both “earned” money for doing nothing. Don’t say Posh was part of the Spice Girls! She just stood there in a mini-skirt with that self satisfied pout on her face. Basically she’s a glorified back up dancer, used to distract people from the faces of the rest of that hideous troupe.

Footballer David Beckham is done with the UK and Europe and has finally arrived in the USA to begin a new life with his wife, Victoria and children. While soccer fans know who the star footballer is, and are looking forward to him playing for the Los Angeles Galaxy in the MLS. Others have no clue who he is. "Who is David Beckham?" asked an 11-year old boy at the airport. Maybe things won't be as starry for the Beckham's in their new country after all. After all, they have Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as nieghbours...talk about nieghbours from hell. Back at home, Rebecca Loos, the "other" woman who almost destroyed the golden couple has the audacity to say that the Beckham's should thank her. She says her affair with David helped their marriage.

"It's made them stronger. They even went on to have another kid. Everything happens for a reason, even bad things." "I think their marriage is stronger than ever and it's like Victoria says, it's bad things like the affair that have made it stronger. Victoria's stuck by David and that's the main thing."

No, you dumb whore, that is not the main thing. The main thing is that you should jump off a cliff and die...I say that about every "other" woman. Guys are dumb (no offence) and it takes a really special one to have some self-control. If every gal was like you and every guy was like David...well, then every normal woman would be screwed.