SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Harry Potter stars Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson were spotted out together on Valentine’s day at an exclusive London pub. The two arrived 10pm at the Imperial Arms, Fulham, West London - A pub close to Radcliffe’s house.

An onlooker tells the mirror…

“They arrived quite late at the pub - about 10pm - and sat outside, using each other’s bodies for warmth.

“Emma, who was wearing a black top and matching pashmina, kept looking over her shoulder nervously as if she didn’t wanted to be recognised. When people started to notice the couple and began pointing, she wrapped her scarf around her head so only her eyes were peeping out.

“Daniel found her new look hysterical and started laughing. Throughout the night, in fact, he just kept giggling like a love-struck teen.

“The pair seemed totally absorbed in one another’s company, though - they were chatting and joking easily until just before closing time.

“They then left the pub, heads together and whispering, and headed in the direction of Daniel’s home nearby.”

*SPOILER ALERT*

That’s not how it’s supposed to be! No! No! No!

Hermione is supposed to be dating, marrying and making babies with Ron! Someone should have slapped that…

… I mean… I haven’t ever read Harry Potter books… Or watched the movies… Or collected the action figures… Because I’m so cool… and busy… doing stuff… with women…

So… I don’t really care… about… the people from Harry Potter… at all… not even a little bit.

Daniel Radcliffe, who was tipped by Pierce Brosnan to be a future Bond, is set to start his apprenticeship for the role by playing a spy in his next movie. Except instead of nailing some of the most beautiful women in the world, Daniel will take it up the pooper. And by it, I mean a ding dong. And by ding dong I mean cock. And by cock I mean penis… In case you didn’t get it, He’s a homo.

Radcliffe says he’s not trying to be controversial, but enjoys playing characters who are exploring their sexuality.

He says,

“I’d never play a gay character just for the sake of playing a gay character. If the script was good, and it was a good gay character then, I’m 18, and so the parts I’m going to be getting will be open for around that age range.

“And around that age range is when people are exploring sexuality, so those are the parts I think I will be involved in.”

I really don’t get all this “exploring sexuality”… I’m 100% sure that I have no intention of exploring ANY other side of my sexuality… Ever. I repeat. Ever.

I mean… What do you do? Go up to your best friend and say, “Hey Dude, lets lube up our phalluses and stick them into each others anus… Just to explore… We’ll be like Marco Polo… except gayer”

Emma Watson is not impressed by the fake profiles made of her on MySpace, Facebook and other social networking sites. She says she doesn’t have an official page, neither does she use the net alot because she considers it scary, but she rather prefers her cell phone to keep in touch with her friends and with Harry Potter co-stars Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint.

She says, “Oh no, (the Facebook profile) is fake. I have got fakes on Facebook, Bebo, MySpace - the lot - and it’s quite annoying.

“I can’t understand why people put themselves on there. Some of the pictures that they put up of themselves make them vulnerable because anyone can see. I think the internet is very scary”.

Meanwhile Watson admits she relies on her Harry Potter co-stars Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint for advice on boys.

The young actress is a self-proclaimed ‘mad texter’ on her mobile phone in order to keep up with friends while she is away shooting the epic wizard movies.

She says, “I am always texting Dan and Rupert when we are not working. And we are always swapping girl and boy advice when we’re together. It’s quite funny - I am like, ‘Oh, I have got this text from a boy, what on earth do I say? What does this translate to in boy language? I don’t understand,’ and they will be like, ‘Well, this means this.’ “I have got my own personal on-set boy text”

Sweet, one big happy family joined by the superficial blockbuster that is Harry Potter. You know Hermione is going to die in the last book, you just know it. Ron too.

As the days draw closer to the release of the final Harry Potter book, I get more and more excited at the thought. I mean, I don’t give a rat’s ass…yeah, that sounds like the right response for a girl my age. I hate Harry Potter! I read the first four books like 10 times each and only read the others like twice because they sucked…I mean, I never read Harry Potter, I just skimmed through it.

Anyways, rumours are abound to what will happen and which two main characters will die…Author J.K Rowling hasn’t told anyone what will happen (including Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe)…besides her husband and she’s hoping that he keeps his mouth shut until the book is released.

Why does anyone have to die? Can’t good win over evil without all these malicious deaths? Apparently not, according to Rowling. I don’t care…I don’t think I could get through another death…I cried when Dumbledore died…I mean, I laughed at Harry’s pain as another parental-type-figure left him…-sob-

(oh and the pic…the once upon a time when Daniel Radcliffe was cute and not a theater whore).

For anyonw who’s worrying about the cast of the Harry Potter movies, no worries people, you all can sleep easy as all three of the main actors have pledged their loyalty to the movie, espire reports to the contrary. Daneil Radcliffe (Harry Potter), Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) and Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) have all signed on to the last two movies and will stay until the end.

“I feel a huge sense of loyalty to the character of Harry and the fans who have supported these films over the years,” says Daniel.

“I could never let Hermione go, I love her too much and love what playing her has meant to me. I’m excited and honoured to be finishing what I started.” says Emma

Rupert says he “loved every second of being part of [Harry Potter's] world.”

So there’s your qoutes, are you happy now? Harry Potter lives!

Hermione, no dammit…Emma Watson, her name is Emma Watson! Emma Watson, the actress who plays Hermione in the Harry Potter movies was reported to have not signed a new contract, leaving Warner Bros without Hermione for their last two movies. This report has contradicted by a Warner Bros representative that says he’s sure Emma will return for the last two movies.

Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint have already finalised their contracts, but Emma’s is still in the works, which could have set off her rumours for leaving the cast.

Wow, that’s great news. I’m so relieved, I was haunted for months with nightmares that kept asking me the question “What will happen if Harry, Ron or Hermione quit?”, “What would happen if Warner Bros gave up on the movie?”, how would any of us survive? But I know the truth now, Hermione stays and the world will stay safe.

Daniel Radcliffe has signed on for the last two Harry Potter movies, and I’m still pondering what made Disney want to keep him after his displays on stage.

Didn’t those dumbasses read my scenario about what kids would do if they saw their beloved Harry Potter doing a horse? These guys just won’t learn and its going to take a few lawsuits to make them get rid of Dan.

I think I’m gonna write a short limerick about this:

There was once a boy called Dan
Who loved to flash his ok-sized wang
and unlike Harry Potter,
he really turned out to be a rotter,
and instead of the boy-Wizard, he was a dirty man.

C’mon, you have to admit it, that was a real masterpiece!

Basically, Daniel Radcliffe should not be allowed to act in any more Harry Potter movies, because he has recently been displaying some very un-Disney behaviour. And by un-Disney, I mean stripping off and pretending to do it with a horse on stage. Sounds like a something I made up, doesn’t it? But I didn’t! So HAH! Daniel Radcliffe really did do scenes of full-frontal nudity and smoked on stage.

Warner Bros and Children groups are freaking out, Daniel Radcliffe, made famous by his role as the boy-Wizard Harry Potter, darling of million of kids all over the world, is now seen to be encouraging all the children that he is a role model to smoke and perform with horses. Ok, maybe not with the horse, but you can never tell with some kids now a days.

Just imagine:

Mom : Jimmy?
Jimmy: I’m in the garden with Spot, Mom!
Mom: (Going out into the garden) Oh, thats sweet that you’re playi- JIMMY!!! What are you doing!?!
Jimmy: Mom, I’m just doing what Harry Potter was doing, except I couldn’t find a horse, so I’m using Spot.
Mum: Oh Jimmy, please don’t do that to Spot, I’ll buy you a nice little pony.
Jimmy: Ok, Mom (lets go of Spot, and pulls up his shorts)
STUDIO AUDIENCE GOES “AWWWWWWWWW”

Scary, huh?