SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Christina Aguilera was reportedly unhappy when she found out that her People Magazine shoot of her and her baby failed to ignite sales. So unhappy in fact that she went and fired her manager, an assistant and her PR Firm. Aguilera was paid an estimated 1.5 million Dollars for the pictures of her tot (Which was supposedly another reason for her anger... Because... y'know... Most people get paid at least 10 million Dollars for a picture of their kid... My parents got paid 8... But that was only because I was fat and ugly. Thanks for that God!). A Source tells New York Daily News that the actress went "crazy". ... I really don't see how it's her managers' (or her assistant's or her PR Firms) fault that she married one of the ugliest men alive... Nonetheless I am quite surprised that the magazine failed to sell. I mean... people usually have to pay $10 to see the spawn of Satan at the circus. I mean, People Magazine is what? 5 Bucks? (Did you see what I did there? I said the kid is the spawn of Satan because Christina's husband looks like Hitler's definition of a Jew. Comedy Gold.)

Remember the time, when Britney Spears was considered the "hot one" and Christina Aguilera was the "weird emo chick with a nice rack and sexy legs"? Oh, how times change. Since Britney's marriage to K.Fed, Christina has just gotten hotter (Or maybe it's because of her weird looking husband. She looks hot in comparison when she's standing next to him.) while Britney has become... that weird fat thing at the VMA's. Anyway, Christina Aguilera obviously a big believer in kicking a dog when it's down says to Glamour, in reference to Britney's brilliant "performance" at the VMA's,

"Everyone has their own ways of choosing what's best for them. I have no problem with telling someone, 'Hey, I have to do a show tomorrow. I want to do a good job and be on my game'. Sometimes I wish I could go out to a party or a club and just be able to be free, but there's a consequence with the temptation. You know you'll feel it the next day when you wake up. There are too many things I have to accomplish."

Wow that's harsh. It would be less mean if she broke a puppy's legs and then placed fireworks in it's heinie and lit them. And then ate it. Yeah... Christina Aguilera is mean. PS: The above picture is my tribute to Britney that once was. I'm sentimental. I cried when Care Bears Highlander was canceled.

Paris has been on a low-ebb for a while. Not much news about her, which is frankly a relief. But Paris Hilton won't let the world forget about her and since she has no news of her own, she will tell you other people's news. Christina Aguilera has not admitted that she's pregnant, despite being seen with a bump and her shopping sprees that involve blue-themed baby cloths and accessories. But Paris outed her recently at a night-club when she screamed that Christina was "most beautiful pregnant woman in the world". Christina responded by burying her face in her husband's chest. Awww, she's shy!

Paris Hilton, the "star" of The Simple Life and House of Wax, seems to have not had enough attention today (What with Britney's "Save the Whale" act at the VMA's) so she decided to reveal what everyone has known for months... Christina Aguilera is pregnant! US Magazine says,

“Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world, you're gorgeous,” Hilton, 26, said to the packed crowd, while Aguilera, 26 (whose video ‘Candy Man’ is up for Best Director at the MTV VMAs) sat nearby in uncomfortable silence.

That's what you get for telling Paris Hilton anything. You're secrets would be better kept if you decided to write it a 1000 times on a 1000 different pieces of paper and stood on a street corner handing them out. However I think the real question is... How the hell did Jordan Bratman get close enough to Christina to impregnate her... Surely they can't have done it the normal way... Maybe she was sleeping... But they usually wake up when I try that... Maybe he's really small... Yeah... That must be it...

But c'mon, it's so obvious, from the way she's dressing to the way she's holding herself. She's walking around with this new look, trying to kid us into believing that she's trying the boho look. ou ain't fooling no-one lady. We know you have the spawn of Satan gestating inside of you! Out on a recent shopping trip with her husband, when asked about babies, she said:

"It's definitely something we can't wait to begin."

Yeah right...then 5 months from now, she'll appear with a baby and be like "I so got you guys, I bet none of you guessed I was pregnant. Haha!"

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to write b*tch... does it classify as a swear word? Anyway. Christina Aguilera says that her husband, Jordan Bratman, is as supportive a husband as she could possibly wish for. So much so that he's even decided to only wear half a pant. Aguilera says,

"Nobody wears both legs of the pants - we both take a leg. "When I first met Jordan, one of the things I loved was that on my worst days, he'd walk into a room and make me smile. He's one of those people who is soothing." "Even when I feel an outfit's too revealing, Jordan just says, 'What? You have the body, go ahead!' He knows it's all part of my self-expression. I couldn't really ask for a more supportive husband. "My sexuality will never die, just take on a different form. "Just because I may be in love or in a one-man relationship does not mean that I would ever tone it down - that would be conforming."

I don't see why she's acting like they're equal partners... It's so obvious that Bratman's the b*tch (still not sure whether to take or leave the star) in the relationship. That's what you have to put up with when your wife can afford to buy you and your whole family and sell you to Nigerians as sex slaves. What's he supposed to say? "No Christina, I don't like you looking like a slut and having semi naked guys with tennis balls in their speedo's rub up against you"? People please! (I'm politically correct, so I didn't use... the N word)

When they stop being anorexic and start eating real foods...like donuts. Singer Christina Aguilera is still fueling pregnancy rumours by making a pit-stop at a Krispy Creme outlet in Brisbane, Australia. Her husband reportedly went in and got her a box of mixed donuts. Mmmm, dunuts...mmmm, mixed donuts...mmmm, Jordan Bratman...wait, what? EWWWW!

Jennifer Lopez speaks about different things all over the place, but I sense a common theme...she wants to get fat, apparently. Firstly, she wants a baby, because she thinks it will solidify her marriage with Marc Anthony. She knows people wonder why she hasn't gotten pregnant yet, while Christina and Britney are pooping out babies all over the place.

"Marc and I just saw the film Children of Men. The message of the movie was, if we don't have children, there's no hope for the future, maybe that's what all the pregnancy rumours are about. Or maybe it's not that deep."

I"m not sure how relevant that quote is, but it's all I could find. Secondly, she talks about her junk food addiction and how she has to use alot of self-control to keep off the pounds.

"If I've got a movie or an album to promote, I'll work very hard to stay in shape for those few months. But I eat McDonald's every now and again, and go through phases where I don't exercise at all. "Even though I always try to eat healthily, I'll often allow myself a nice treat, like a chocolate-chip cookie - I just won't eat the whole packet! "If I'm putting on pounds, I tend to be more careful what I eat but I don't do anything drastic. I'll eat a little bit less and exercise a little bit more. "Also, I'll work out with my trainer twice a week and eat more fish and steamed vegetables but I'll still eat carbs. "Food is a great gift in life - it's there for us to enjoy."

Wow, I have to say I agree with Jen. Chocolate...I want chocolate!!!

It's that time of the year again, when ugly babies are sure to be born. When beautiful (or ex-beautiful women) feel the need to procreate with really disgusting specimens of men and the result is...A really ugly baby! Because it's like the law of nature that a kid will never get the better genes, they'll get the big nose and the big feet and the receding hairlines. It's the truth, people! So this year's celebrity baby will be Christina Aguilera's which should be fathered by husband Jordan Bratman (who's your caricature Jew) and should be a friggin' mess. The news came from Christina's father, Fausto Aguilera who says:

"I'm so excited. I want Christina to achieve all her goals. I wish her all the happiness in the world."

Man, I can't get over the fact that that poor kid is gonna have Christina for a mom and Jordan for a dad. It's probably how Belle's kid felt in Beauty and the Beast. No, they didn't make it, but I have it all planned out in my head. It's gonna take Disney back to the top!

Christina Aguilera is getting married, oh wait that already happened…LOL! Okay, wait she is reportedly pregnant. How sweet she would look, with the added baby wait, she might look exactly like the real Marilyn Monroe…sensing that she is proud wannabe (I don’t hate her if you are wondering). Anyway, her representative has made comment that both the parents are waiting for the opportunist time to go public with the pregnancy. By the opportunist time, it is meant that it should be the safest time. So there you are sitting and wondering if it was not supposed to go public then what the hell am I doing reading this?!?!?! Here’s a little news flash, celeb world sucks!!! Nothing can be kept a secret…I so want to be a celebrity. But it gives me the benefit to write about them (let me laugh to myself). Mommies is now in Japan, doing something important to her, like performing and getting paid, let’s hope that she confirms soon…so that we all can be happy. And then we can see paparazzi attacking her for pics and she can sue…scandal you got to love it. Anyway until then, we can only hope that the baby looks all like mommy, have you seen daddy?! -Lashanta Singh-