SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

In case you're a Britney Spears fan and you think that ex-boyfriend was the worst thing that ever happened to her, you are more than welcome to go hurt him. Says who? He does.

He recently released a kinda sex tape that's doing the round of the internet and has subsequently received death threats from Britney fans, and he says,

"I have had many calls about it from all over the world. In light of the constant calls about the sex tape and threats, I'm taking a break from the industry and keeping a low profile."

Um, he has a role in the industry? Riiiight...(I'm saying that in a Doctor Evil accent, in case I didn't convey that over the blog).

This isn't the first time Adnan was threatened, he was stabbed by a fan last year and he has made his feelings clear, he is a moron and is asking for trouble.

"Yes I was injured. This is still being investigated.

"I can't say much about the cowardly attack other than, a) you better come a lot stronger than that if you want to make a point and b) most will be surprised by those behind it."

Speaking of another Britney ex, Kevin Federline was recently voted "Dad of the Year" by some LA nightclub...just the fact that it's a nightclub nomination tells you that the award is not satirical. On the other hand, when Britney is the mom...

So says mens mag FHM, who have just released their annual 100 sexiest women in the world list. Britney crawled back into the list at number 100 narrowly beating out... I have no idea. FHM doesn't really do consolation prizes. Which is sad because they got one after they lost out on the awesomeness stakes to Maxim. Zing! The top ten go like this...

1. Megan Fox 2. Jessica Biel 3. Jessica Alba 4. Elisha Cuthbert 5. ScarJo 6. Emmanuelle Chriquri 7. Hilary Duff 8. Tricia Helfer 9. Blake Lively 10. Kate Beckinsale

How original. The girl who played the "sexy chick" in a summer blockbuster won. Those folks at FHM earn their money by making such well thought out and profound decisions. Seriously though. I can go through that list and find 25 woman that I wouldn't touch... Well... Ok... I would. But only because I'm a desperate loser... and I wouldn't be proud of it. Britney Spears, Victoria Beckham, The Olsen twins, Lauren Conrad, Madonna, Audrina Partridge, Paris Hilton, Nicole Scherzinger, Eva Longoria (Controversy!), Tara Reid, Shakira (I just don't get her appeal), Katherine Heigl, Heidi Montag, Cheryl Burke, Maria Sharapova (The fact that she could play mens basketball kinda' puts me off), Vanessa Hudgens (WTF?), Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna (methinks it's the forehead)... Ok so that's 18. But it's only because I don't know who 50 of them are... It's a sad state of affairs when a pathetic teenage blogger would feel ashamed to sleep with 18 of the "worlds most beautiful woman"... ... Do you think chicks on other planets are as hot as Natasha Henstridge was in Species? ... I have to wonder, why is Aishwarya Rai not on said list? I know it's "sexiest" and not "beautifulest most beautiful" but how can anyone say Tara Reid's "E's horrific plastic surgery" body is "sexier" than Ms. Rai's? More about it here

Britney's (former?) boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, was attacked and stabbed on Saturday night prompting the JFX photo agency to go on a rant against bloggers instead of blaming it on the simple fact that Adnan Ghalib is a douche... with bum fluff on his chin. The JFX Agency says,

Adnan was attacked and stabbed last night but he is doing OK after receiving medical attention for his wounds. He received a stab wound to his arm, facial lacerations as well as a nice shiner. I’m not sure what to make of this considering that he’s received more and more death threats in recent weeks. Is it coincidence? I don’t know. But in the ever growing Adnan hating world that some blogs live in, the repeated venom spewed at him could have finally boiled over to the real world. We all know there are some crazies out there, I mean, I screen out at least a dozen death threats on our comments every week. Yes we’re tight with Adnan and all but still, this attack pushed this situation into a whole ‘nother level that I’m having trouble accepting. Hopefully the attackers will be found and brought to justice.

I haven't read about Adnan for... well... maybe 2 months? So either the photo agency is lying... Or the stabber has a really slow internet connection. But seriously... Who wouldn't want to stab anyone who has bum fluff under their chin? If you want to make a statement of manliness you grow a full out-of-control crazy beard... not a bit of bum fluff under your chin. (Did I mention he has a piece of bum fluff under his chin?) Oh... And if you think It's wrong of me to laugh at people who got stabbed. Than I think you should know that I'm a very very bad person. I drown puppies. And by "drown" I mean "run away from"... *shiver*... puppies. I hate them almost as much as I hate this woman.

Paris Hilton has shockingly come out top of a poll conducted to guage the "Most Overexposed Celebrity in America". The poll was conducted by E-Poll Market Research and reported by Forbes. Hilton beat out competition from Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. The always drunk trio pushed the once famous Pamela Anderson into fourth place. Forbes explains the poll, thus (Using Pamela Anderson as an example),

“Without the acting career she hoped would take off. It’s her tabloid presence care of multiple marriages (and divorces) and provocative ways that continues to open doors for her celebrity,”

Did they even need to make a poll for this? You could've just asked me and I would've given you the answer... as would any person who picks up a newspaper tabloid from time to time. Paris Hilton doesn't even have a career. She was once a shit pornstar with a wonky eye, and now she's not even that. Now she's just a weird looking chick with a wonky eye. Note: Yesterday's post was an April Fool's joke! Ha!... anyone? Hello?!!!... I sometimes think these jokes would work better if people were actually reading my blog.

Madonna has asked the press to lay off fallen popstar Britney Spears, because her daughter, the weirdly named Lourdes, feels sorry for her. Madonna says,

"(The media) need to step off. For real... Let's go save her. (Lourdes) knows Britney, but she doesn't really watch TV or read gossip stuff. I think she sort of gets the drift of what's going on, and I think she feels very protective of Britney."

People have been making fun of Britney incessantly for the last 3 years. In this period, she's lost her career, her husband, her children and her last remaining smidgens of self respect. And now... after Britney's lost it all... Madonna wants the press to stop? Because her daughter doesn't like it? Really? God this b*tch is crazy vain. Someone needs to judo chop her. Or stab her. Or gun her down in cold blood. Or sit down and explain to her that the world doesn't revolve around her inflated head contrary to what her hubby tells her. Whatever.

Dun Dun Dun... Don't you love the starting music from The Exorcist? It's so wonderfully creepy... kinda like Amy Winehouse. Who coincidentally happens to need an exorcism. According to Reverend Bob Larson anyway. The good reverend is currently promoting his show, The Real Exorcist, in America and feels Amy Winehouse could be a prime candidate for a celebrity guest role on the show. He says,

"She is obviously suffering from drug addictions and other problems but the likelihood is that is not all. People are more susceptible to being possessed when they have bruised souls and I think Amy is a classic example. A lot of the time people appear utterly ordinary to the outside world but inside they are in living hell."

(Yes... Amy Winehouse looks so utterly ordinary to the outside world) He also feels he could help Britney Spears saying,

“Britney is another classic example. She obviously has multiple personalities which is another tell-tale sign.”

...So this guy makes money... from this... show? Wouldn't that be against the churches latest "jazzing up" of the seven deadly sins? You know, the one where it says "ye may not hoard excessive wealth"? I suppose he's like me. I too stuck my finger up at the church when they told me to stop hoarding excessive wealth... What? I did tell the Church to leave me and my family fortune alone! (See what I did there? I acted like I was rich, so some girl would post her number in the comments along with a sexy comment like "call me" or "sniff my underwear" and by the time she realizes that I'm actually poor and doing the most boring degree ever in university she'll feel bad for me and we'll engage in pity sexual congress... I love the way my foul little mind works!!!)

Britney's (former?) pap boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, stopped by the singers gated community to see her yesterday. Unsurprisingly, he was turned away at the door, prompting him to take out his iPhone and start looking at pictures of Britney. TMZ.com reports,

The security guard turned Adnan away -- who immediately had to hear about the rejection from the surrounding paps.

I get why he got rejected... What I don't get is why he suddenly took out his phone to start looking at pictures of Britney Spears... What was he trying to get across? Was he... a)Trying to act like a love shorn teenager (creepy)? b)Or a crazy stalker (even more creepy)? c)Or is he just one of those douchebags that take out their iPhones to prove what douchebags they are? I'm guessing option c)... My guess is based on the bum fluff he has on his face.

Britney Spears, the woman that represents why some people should be forced to have their tubes tied/cut (Depends whether you have a... y'know... or a... y'know), is supposedly pregnant. Again. This time with photographer boyfriend/husband (Depends which source you believe) Adnan Ghalib's spawn. Adnan is reportedly telling anyone who'll listen that he slept with Britney Spears without a condom, going against my advice that he should kill himself. According to Star:

And what do you know! The fallen pop princess' belly is starting to show a little bulge, in spite of hours of classes at the Millennium Dance Complex. "Britney is Adnan's dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he'll be made for life," one friend of Adnan's tells Star.

Is Britney stupid? Ok... I know she's stupid... but this level of stupidity astounds me. Every single person in the world could see that this guy only wanted her money, and yet she still got knocked up by him?! The guy just looks evil! Like one of those weird Arab terrorist types that they show in those Harrison Ford movies. With that bum fluff under his chin and too much hair gel. And I'm not racist. It's Mr. Ghalibs own fault, he's made himself into a stereotype. Like how I force fed myself every day for the last 6 months while watching porn incessantly so that I could really get that "blogger look". Sure, people will be mean and call you fatty but I just look at them and say, "I'm a blogger.". Maybe that's what he was looking for? When people laugh at the fact that he can't grow a real beard or the fact that he just emptied another box of hair gel on his head, he just looks at them and says, "I'm the smarmy, shady Middle Eastern guy marrying for a green card". Smart.

After three weeks of dodging, ducking, dipping and diving Sam Lufti finally stopped playing dodgeball long enough to be served his restraining order outside his apartment. The restraining order would mean that Lufti can't communicate with Britney Spears in any way whatsoever. TMZ.com however, reports that the papers had to be served by 1:30PM on the 20th of February, and so because of the delay, perhaps the papers aren't valid and Lufti may have to be re-served (re-served not reserved... I'm pretty sure Lufti is available all the time without having to reserve anything. I mean... his "job" is to handle Britney's career. He has a lot of time on his hands.). I wonder about restraining orders... Imagine if there was a massive fire and Britney was in her house burning to death... and only Sam Lufti could save her... would he be allowed to? Or say even if he was allowed to but he didn't know that he was allowed to, and he let her die... would he be charged with murder? Or would the judge just give him a medal for obeying the law so well? As you can see, I put a lot of time and thou - Ooh! Look! A Booger! UPDATE: Apparently the papers are still valid

Victoria's Secret model, fraulein (It's German people... I'm trying to keep it classy here!) and overall hottie, Heidi Klum, has offered a helping hand to a (supposed) victim of drugging, kidnapping and extortion... Britney Spears (Who else?)! The model who lives with her husband Seal has offered Britney a safe haven from the paparazzi... her home! (Do you wonder why I keep doing the ellipsis (better known as the three dot thingy) with the exclamation mark at the end?... me too!) Heidi is reported to have told the Associated Press,

"She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months."

If Heidi told me that I can come live with her it would be the happiest day of my life! She supposedly has nekkid pictures of herself all over her house! And then she'd serve me Bratwurst and Eierkuchen (Still German), before we could settle into a nice evening of me watching her and Seal get jiggy with it. Good times.