SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Everyone knew Avril Lavigne was... a bit thick. Ever since she released her first album and went crazy trying to pass herself off as a 5 foot rock demon, everyone knew she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. But after a couple years of relative normaility (Apart from swearing at fans and spitting at the paps), Avril Lavigne has come out and confirmed what we all knew all along i.e. She's dumb. (Did I mention she's stupid?) Ninemsn reports,

Fans at Avril Lavigne's Canadian homecoming were left stunned after the singer displayed an embarrassing lack of geographical knowledge. Lavigne, 23, shocked concertgoers at her Montreal show by incorrectly stating what province she was in. "I love you Montreal, I'm so happy to be back home...in Ontario, Canada," Lavigne said to the crowd. Montreal is actually a city in Quebec."

That's the Canadian Avril Lavigne. Not some Tahitian that burst onto the world stage. The only thing wrong with the above quote is that ninemsn says the fans were "shocked". Shocked? Really? I mean... It's Avril Lavigne. If you're shocked that she's stupid than you probably don't want to touch fire. It's hot. Some might call it... shockingly hot. MUHAAHAHAHAH ... I have no idea why I did that. It just seemed appropriate. Now it's just embarassing... Awkward. ... Still, she's not as stupid as this guy. OK, she is. They're equally stupid.

Actually she didn't say that... But don't you think that's exactly what she'd say if you asked her? To maintain her cool "punk rock" image y'know. She's like a pretty Gene Simmons, if Gene Simmons were a douchebag... Which he probably is. I really don't follow bands that were when my dad was trying to get rid of me... *ahem*... by himself... If you know what I mean. You know... Before I was born...* Anyway. Avril Lavigne has denied rumours that she is pregnant despite the fact that she was out baby shopping with her husband fellow faux "rock" star, Deryck Whibley. Despite her assertations Avril made a point to cover her belly as she left the store. ... So she's pregnant? Because she was shopping in a baby store? Whatever. I don't even think Avril can have babies... I mean... surely she tore out her ovaries in a drug fuelled rage... what with her being a "rock star" and all... No? Well than I'd guess Mr. and Mrs. Whibley are into some really weird shit that involves diapers and dummies... God that's a disgusting thought (Because of Mr. Whibley... I have to admit I'm strangely partial to Mrs. Whibley). *Pssst... I mean... wanking

I mean, why would she go partying after told by the court that she would be randomly tested for drugs and alcohol. The mind of Britney Spears is a strange place. For her, the answer to no drugs and alcohol is more drugs and alcohol, because it'll chase out the old drugs and alcohol...and this totally makes sense, to me and Britney. The has-been popstar was recently seen out partying, with Avril Lavigne, who had reviously dissed Britney for dressing like a showgirl and dancing like a hoe. Those are direct quotes. So either Britney has totally forgotten about that and decided that Avril was a good new BFF, because she's married too. I mean, Britney's and Avril's marriages are so alike! Britney married a wannabe rapper and fell lower than the Grand Canyon (I have to work on my metaphors) and Avril married a relatively decent and not as useless-pathetic-excuse-for-human-life husband and is still going strong. See? Like two peas in a pod! As for Britney's night out, an onlooker said:

"She was dancing on the tables trying to be really sexy, even putting a black sock over her head as a hat, and putting on a show for everyone."

Yes, black socks, that's smoking hot! Too bad she didn't try that at the WMA's, I'm sure she wouldn't have flopped then.

Avril Lavigne wants to give us a truly charming piece of information that no-one really wanted to know. The singer says that after a few drinks, she's known to strip off and run around naked.

"I've been known to run around naked when I'm drunk. One time I was drinking whiskey, and I was so loud, someone called the police." "I have a side to me that's a bit delinquent and I get myself in trouble. I like to drink and party and speak my mind. But when it comes down to it, I'm a good person and I wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone."

Oh well Avril, I do have to give you credit for not running around naked in public, since that's mentally scaring. Seriously. Sorry for the crappy posts and lack of pictures, but I'm in serious pain here. It hurts!

Well, the one's that try to steal her man anyways. The Singer is very protective about her relationship with Sum41 frontman Deryck Whibley and says that she'll beat up any of his groupies and brands girls who steal other girl's guys as just "mean". For such a tough woman, she sure speaks like a little girl. Next think you know, she'll run crying to her mummy that some girls were flirting with Deryck and instead of calling them "Bitches", she'll say that they're "Mean Poo-poo heads".

Well, we all know what a sad pathetic being Britney Spears is, but now she has to hear it from a Sk8ter girl? Now that's too much! Britney had real class, she was a real singer, who sang about real things! (Like schoolgirls wanting masochistic spankings) But Avril Lavigne, what does she know? She's never had a 55-hour marraige! She's never hung out with the ultra-cool celebs like Paris Hilton. She has no right to tell Britney that she doesn't know how to handle fame!

“You can’t complain about the pressures, the paparazzi, the madness because that’s the job.”

Avril must stop being such a tight-ass and party it up like Britney! Go flash some flesh, make bad choices, that's what being a celebrity is all about. Believe me, I know, I read a book on it. I'm preparing for my 15 minutes of fame and if I'm really lucky, you'll see me doing the party scene with Britney and Paris. And by 15 minutes, I mean an hour and by Britney and Paris, I mean my Barbies. Damn, plastic chicks really know how to have a good time!