SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Or at least, she thinks so. Either that or her brain has melted into liquid goop (which sadly enough is quite likely) making her think that she looks so good making goo-goo eyes at her husband.

Amy Winehouse was warned for flirting in court, when she attended the pre-trail hearing of her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, on the counts of grevious bodily harm and obstructing the course of justice or whatever. She spent the hearing blowing kisses at her husband, and mouthing "I love you". She also cleverly told him to come sit next to her. Eventually the judge told her to stop and she walked out of the court, after telling Fielder-Civil "You're fit". Delusions are funny, aren't they?

When asked how he was looking by the press, Amy said,

"Gorgeous as f**k, haven't you seen him?"

Ah, she might look like hell and smell like crap, but at least she still has a sense of humour.

Dun Dun Dun... Don't you love the starting music from The Exorcist? It's so wonderfully creepy... kinda like Amy Winehouse. Who coincidentally happens to need an exorcism. According to Reverend Bob Larson anyway. The good reverend is currently promoting his show, The Real Exorcist, in America and feels Amy Winehouse could be a prime candidate for a celebrity guest role on the show. He says,

"She is obviously suffering from drug addictions and other problems but the likelihood is that is not all. People are more susceptible to being possessed when they have bruised souls and I think Amy is a classic example. A lot of the time people appear utterly ordinary to the outside world but inside they are in living hell."

(Yes... Amy Winehouse looks so utterly ordinary to the outside world) He also feels he could help Britney Spears saying,

“Britney is another classic example. She obviously has multiple personalities which is another tell-tale sign.”

...So this guy makes money... from this... show? Wouldn't that be against the churches latest "jazzing up" of the seven deadly sins? You know, the one where it says "ye may not hoard excessive wealth"? I suppose he's like me. I too stuck my finger up at the church when they told me to stop hoarding excessive wealth... What? I did tell the Church to leave me and my family fortune alone! (See what I did there? I acted like I was rich, so some girl would post her number in the comments along with a sexy comment like "call me" or "sniff my underwear" and by the time she realizes that I'm actually poor and doing the most boring degree ever in university she'll feel bad for me and we'll engage in pity sexual congress... I love the way my foul little mind works!!!)

Yesterday, Amy Winehouse kicked off her UK Tour with a "performance" in Birmingham. Her performance consisted mainly of warbling drunkenly, mutterring and swearing at the audience. When she dedicated a song to her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil who is in prison for witness tampering. The crowd started booing which elicited a response from Amy before dropping the microphone and walking off stage. According to the BBC:

"To them people booing, wait 'til my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that." Some fans have contacted the BBC to say they would be seeking a refund.

Wow. I'm sure everyone in the crowd must have been awestruck with fear. Her husband is a terrifying sight. All 112 pounds of him (Yes that's him in the picture... the gaunt fellow). Bring him together with the 95 Pound Amy Winehouse and who knows what could happen? They might scare away a puppy or something.

Isn't true love wonderful? It gives me such hope of finding a great and meaningful love when I hear about Amy Winehouse and the gorgeous and committed man she has for a husband. In August, Amy and Blake were having a normal day, taking drugs until they ran out. A great tragedy struck however and unusually, Amy had an overdose and had to be taken to the hospital. That's so shocking, I know, when we all know what a responsible and caring person Amy is. Her husband however, came through, and he took her to the hospital, laying her on the bed with his own shaking hands (shaking from love of course, not because of the drugs). While he watched Amy get better, he thought that the best way to repay her love would be to go out and get her some more heroin. So off he went, imagining the love and affection that would shine from Amy's face when he got back with the smack. Except somewhere, he got sidetracked and started taking the drugs himself, leaving his lady-love in hospital. Obviously, that was a mistake on his part. He must have been influenced by satanists, or the care bears to leave his hearts desire in such a state. He fought his demons though and eventually returned, alas, without the heroin. -Sniff- that was such a beautiful story!

Paul Weller, former Jam frontman, has weirdly enough praised Amy Winehouse for her drunken behaviour, insisting that she's still a good role model.

"She is one of my favourite all-time singers. "I've been lucky enough to work with her - she is an amazing, great talent and, despite what all the papers say, she is a great role model for people and I don't think the drugs and the drink and all that make a scrap of difference really. "I think you should judge people on their talent and on that level she's up there, a major talent."

Of course Paul is right, alcoholism and scary, bleeding from your feet drug abuse is totally disregarded when people look for a role model. Role models are ugly singers with a few hits, who show the world that no matter how ugly you are, you can make it! Especially if you have a coke-sniffing soul-mate by your side who supports you in all your binges. I wonder who's Amy's heroin injecting buddies? I'm not pointing at you Paul...but I'm just saying.

Only because Lindsay Lohan isn't a proper singer. Coutney Love, who's known for her demure life as a nun wants us to know that Amy Winehouse abuses the most drugs in the music industry. The singer (Amy, not Courtney) is staying at home and waiting to stop puking before she can go out on a another self-destructive binge.

"I've never seen anyone take as much coke as Amy. Even I wasn't that bad."

What is she going on about? Coke is great! I can drink like loads and even when I get full, I just have to burp and I can start drinking all over again. Once I told someone that and they asked me why I never sniffed it...so I tried, but then the ice-cubes got stuck to my nose.

What do you do when you're on the brink of a mental and physical breakdown? You turn to your friends of course! I never really thought that Amy Winehouse would have any friends, being the scary-ass looking chick that she is, but I'm sure it'll lift her spirits to know that while she's facing her inner demons and the voices in her head, Snoop Dogg is there for her. The singer isn't in rehab, but it's obvious she needs help and isn't getting it. Snoop's the man though and he said that she's welcome to come to hos nieghbourhood at any time...what the hell? Just your nieghbourhood? You cheap b*****, you couldn't even offer your house? Oh...wait, I get it now. Snoop also sees Amy as a bit of an inspiration, saying that she made him want to do a solo album, reminding him of the stars like James Brown...so...drugged up White chick equals the King of Soul...Yeah, that makes so much sense. You and Amy shop at the same dealer Snoop? Sorry for the late/very early updates. Internet problems, as usual.

She has openly dismissed the thought of ever going to rehab, but I am sure that there are millions (Okay maybe a little bit more, something like 6 billion people) that will agree that she needs to get the help that she NEEDS! The big haired, big headed, painted faced, slightly skinny legged singer went completely bonkers at an interview this week. Her boyfriend, who was present at the time, did not behave quite sober himself. The singer got a hold of a mirror and broke it, creating a weapon of passion; she then went on to cut herself in the stomach, she was performing a live caesarian section…I know “ouch!”… Okay that was a lie…she was actually Engraving her stomach with the words “I love Blake” (she may well have performed a caesarian!). She is obviously in love, otherwise what else will drive a celebrity to do something so weird to their body?! Can anyone answer me?! And to make matters worse, her boyfriend, Blake Fielder-Civil, got up and grabbed the broken mirror piece and threatened to slit the throat of any reporter that had a problem with the actions of Amy. Shoo! Thank god that he did not, the poor reporter may have died from alcohol poisoning through the exchange of blood, never mind the fact that he may gotten some weird mind altering disease that all celebrities pass on to each other. So rehab in Amy’s case is going to a psych ward and have tests done, you know like the one done in “X- Files”…Hahahaha! Well, the good news is that Amy is well in recovery and nothing bad really happened to her (Damn!). All we can do is carry on tuning into this website for more weird and extra-ordinary things that Amy will definitely do. -Shanta Singh-