See what I did there? It’s an article about dogs and I used the term more commonly associated with old hags! God… I’m humourous.

Back to the article.

Paris Hilton is reportedly under investigation by the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services after she announced live on TV that she owns 17 pooches (Legally you’re only allowed three per address).

She said on The Ellen Degeneres show,

“I have 17 dogs — lots, They all sleep in my bed - well, not all of them, but I let some of them.”

“They keep having babies, and I feel bad about giving them away.”

When DeGeneres asked Hilton why she didn’t just get the dogs neutered, she said that they all now were “fixed,” but later added, “well, two of them weren’t.”

…

So dogs are “fixed” when you cut off their penis?

I wish I could have a chance to “fix” Paris Hilton. It would be a high point in my life. Sure it would be a dangerous mission, delving into those diseased caves but I think my life would be a small price to pay if I insured that there would never be any of Paris Hilton’s spawn polluting the earth with their wonky eyes and evil smiles.

Ave!

NOTE: I know millions of dogs are euthanized every month because they weren’t “fixed”. Stop emailing me! It’s not like I killed your mum (Except you Bobby, I in fact did kill your mum… I’m still very sorry. Please stop sending hitmen).