Victoria Secret model, Miranda Kerr has allegedy broken up with short-term boyfriend Legolas son of Thranduil Orlando Bloom. That is not shocking in itself. Well… it is… because… who the hell breaks up with Legolas? He’s awesome!

… So I guess that in itself is quite shocking. But the really shocking thing is that she broke up with Legolas so that she could hook up with… wait for it… wait for it… wait for it… wa- BRANDON DAVIS! (See what I did there?)

Yes, the same Brandon Davis that invented the word “firecrotch”. The same Brandon Davis that was an STD repository for both Paris Hilton and Mischa Barton. The same Brandon Davis that made sure that solved the problem of world oil shortages due to his fantastic oil bearing glands. The same Brandon Davis that has been disinherited by his Billionaire grandfather (How stupid do you have to be, to be disinherited by your Billionaire grandfather? If I had a Billionaire grandfather I’d make sure that I never made him mad. I’d spend the entire time curled up at his feet, getting up from time to time to hump his leg. Than when he’d die, I’d let out a fearful howl before taking my share of the billions and heading out into the night a strip club). That Brandon Davis.

I think it’s clear what’s happening. The CIA has finally managed to invent mind-control devices and are trying them out on supermodels as they possess the lowest brain frequencies. The cads!

… Or Miranda Kerr’s a gold digger. A really bad one though.