Sheryl Crow has moved to correct rumors that Jennifer Aniston was dumped by Brad Pitt (two and a half years ago… but who’s keeping count, right?), when he went off to fornicate and reproduce with Angelina Jolie.

Crow says,

“For both of us, the perceived idea is that, in our big relationships, we both got dumped. Believe me, this is not true,

Neither one of us has ever gotten dumped. No one ever knows what goes on in relationships. Unfortunately, for some people like Jennifer and me, so much is written about things that you don’t say, and so many emotions are attributed to you that you haven’t had,”

Another friend lend credence to the story, informing that bastion of honesty The National Enquirer that,

“Once Jen saw the writing on the wall, she dumped Brad. She took a cold, hard look at her marriage and realised it was irretrievably broken,

She and Brad had vastly different personal agendas and feelings about love, career and having a family.”

Unlike other bloggers, I don’t act like Jennifer Aniston is hideously deformed (Although Sheryl Crow definitely is… with that weird transvestite face, and scary spindly legs that look like they were a part of a group… of 8. I’m not saying that Sheryl Crow was born an Arachnid. I’m just throwing the possibility out there.), however like other bloggers (and people) I genuinely believe that she should just move on.

I mean… Brad’s repopulating the planet due to his (seemingly) frequent unprotected sex with Ms. Jolie, while Jennifer Aniston and her buddies are still going on about what a survivor she is.

Jennifer Aniston if you say that Brad dumped you. Fine. If you say that you sleep better at night without the guy from Fight Club next to you. Fine. If you say that Angelina Jolie mentally raped Brad Pitt with voodoo torture before she stole him away from you. fine.

Can you and your buds please shut up now? I’m tired of reporting a celebrity divorce case that happened almost three years ago. It makes me remember better days.