SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

... The money will go to charity, of course. What did you think I meant? That she was a 15 year old hooker? C'mon people! Get your head out of the toilet.

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has started a new charity, to honor her late grandfather, Ron Cyrus.

The Pappy Cyrus Family Foundation aims to help deprived children across the U.S. by providing improved health care, education and community support.

Miley has decided to kick start the charity by allowing a lucky (*cough* chump *cough*) fan to accompany her to the premiere of her upcoming film Bolt.

Miley is also auctioning off some of her personal effects. The auction is set to start on Tuesday night (tomorrow) and end on the following Tuesday.

This sounds like a great idea! I mean... a 15 year old offering a date (Which is exactly what they offer on escort sites by the way... ummm... I've heard... from people... who visit such sites... immoral fiends!) and used undergarments. What could go wrong?

Regardless, I think it's quite admirable that a 15 year old has started a charity to help the poor. Even though it's all publicity, it probably won't matter to the kid that gets health care that he's part of Miley Cyrus' heinous scheme to take over the world.

You know why I dislike Jennifer Lopez? Firstly because she acts in crap like Monster in Law and secondly because even when she does something kinda nice, she does something else with it, just to remind people that she's amazingly rich despite having a talent rating of "little" to "none".

The Mirror UK reports that Mrs. Marc Anthony (Who himself happens to be Mr. Lopez), was approached by a charity to donate some clothes for a charity auction. She agreed and presented the charity with a $10000 dress. She then proceeded to offer them her children's clothes. When the charity told her that they only deal in adults clothing, J.Lo said,

"That's a shame. I never let Max or Emme repeat clothes."

Get that? Her kids never wear the same clothes twice.

... I wear the same clothes loads of times. My mum won't even let me put my clothes into the wash basket until I've worn them twice.

Once I was really sick and vomited on my clothes just after I had changed and my mum wouldn't let me change out of them until I had worn it for two whole days. You haven't really lived until you've kept passing out because of the smell of your own sick. It's magical.

Yeah, my mum's cruel. But let no one say she's wasteful.

Note: To be fair my mum says I can change my clothes as often as I want as long as I wash them myself. Pfft... I'd rather be dirty than a slave, mother.

The Hottie and the Nottie star, Paris Hilton, has somehow managed to pass herself off as a modern day sex symbol, despite her hawkish nose, gorilla feet and wonky eyes. However it seems not everyone is fooled.

Portuguese football (It's football people. Not soccer. And American football isn't really football either. It's rugby with shoulder pads) star, Christiano Ronaldo, is currently recuperating from pissing off his manager and an ankle injury by hitting up every club in Los Angeles. It was there that the wonky eyed one's eyes fell upon the twinkle-toed star and she rushed towards him.

Squeezing through the throng of women already surrounding Nike's most beloved sportsman (And by Nike... I mean the sports company... Not the Greek goddess.) she tried to chat up the Portugeezer. When he ignored her she took drastic measures.

"At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him."

However her boobs were not enough to attract the attention of a man already surrounded by a 100 others and so Paris Hilton skulked off and slept with some drunk guy.

How does Paris Hilton get anyone (not drunk) to sleep with her? I mean... everyone knows she has every STD known to modern man plus some. I mean... sure she's going out with Benji Madden... But he must just be happy that he get's to touch a girl so he doesn't really count.

Do you think her master plan is to infect every person in Los Angeles with herpes before opening a clinic that deals exclusively in Valtrex?

... Nah. She's just a whore.

Victoria Secret model, Miranda Kerr has allegedy broken up with short-term boyfriend Legolas son of Thranduil Orlando Bloom. That is not shocking in itself. Well... it is... because... who the hell breaks up with Legolas? He's awesome!

... So I guess that in itself is quite shocking. But the really shocking thing is that she broke up with Legolas so that she could hook up with... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... wa- BRANDON DAVIS! (See what I did there?)

Yes, the same Brandon Davis that invented the word "firecrotch". The same Brandon Davis that was an STD repository for both Paris Hilton and Mischa Barton. The same Brandon Davis that made sure that solved the problem of world oil shortages due to his fantastic oil bearing glands. The same Brandon Davis that has been disinherited by his Billionaire grandfather (How stupid do you have to be, to be disinherited by your Billionaire grandfather? If I had a Billionaire grandfather I'd make sure that I never made him mad. I'd spend the entire time curled up at his feet, getting up from time to time to hump his leg. Than when he'd die, I'd let out a fearful howl before taking my share of the billions and heading out into the night a strip club). That Brandon Davis.

I think it's clear what's happening. The CIA has finally managed to invent mind-control devices and are trying them out on supermodels as they possess the lowest brain frequencies. The cads!

... Or Miranda Kerr's a gold digger. A really bad one though.

Shah Rukh Khan, the hero from Om Shanti Om and the villain from Don recently showed why he should have been in the running for Krrish when he saved a group of schoolchildren from a horrible, monstrous...

Click here to find out what the monster is. Hah, made you click!