SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Eva Longoria has recently been pictured with a suspicious inflated stomach which has obviously fueled speculation that the Desperate Housewives actress is pregnant.

Even though the actress has seen that she and husband Tony Parker would love to have kids, she has not confirmed that she is pregnant. I mean, Angelina Jolie was walking around with circus tent dresses and was obviously pregnant before she admitted that she was pregnant, so we may have to wait a while before we get any confirmation from Eva. Even then, Jack Black spilled the beans...

Her publicist says,

"We do not talk about clients' personal lives."

Then what the heck are they there for?

Um, I think she has...

Reports suggest that Sienna Miller is tired of boyfriend Rhys Ifans's paranoia and is calling it quits...or is at least demanding a break.

A source reports,

"Sienna broke the news at the weekend in a call from Prague. Things have been awkward for a while after she caught Rhys going through her text messages. She went mad and Rhys said he was looking for what he called 'incriminating evidence'."

Ok, even I think that's a too much. Next he'll be going through her cupboards, looking for naked pool boys and such...um, I think I've read too many dirty jokes.

Even though Sienna is engaged to Rhys, her friends say that Sienna just agreed to his proposals (he proposed 3 times) because she didn't want to lose him but has now decided that the relationship has run it's course and she wants out.

In case you're a Britney Spears fan and you think that ex-boyfriend was the worst thing that ever happened to her, you are more than welcome to go hurt him. Says who? He does.

He recently released a kinda sex tape that's doing the round of the internet and has subsequently received death threats from Britney fans, and he says,

"I have had many calls about it from all over the world. In light of the constant calls about the sex tape and threats, I'm taking a break from the industry and keeping a low profile."

Um, he has a role in the industry? Riiiight...(I'm saying that in a Doctor Evil accent, in case I didn't convey that over the blog).

This isn't the first time Adnan was threatened, he was stabbed by a fan last year and he has made his feelings clear, he is a moron and is asking for trouble.

"Yes I was injured. This is still being investigated.

"I can't say much about the cowardly attack other than, a) you better come a lot stronger than that if you want to make a point and b) most will be surprised by those behind it."

Speaking of another Britney ex, Kevin Federline was recently voted "Dad of the Year" by some LA nightclub...just the fact that it's a nightclub nomination tells you that the award is not satirical. On the other hand, when Britney is the mom...

Or at least, she thinks so. Either that or her brain has melted into liquid goop (which sadly enough is quite likely) making her think that she looks so good making goo-goo eyes at her husband.

Amy Winehouse was warned for flirting in court, when she attended the pre-trail hearing of her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, on the counts of grevious bodily harm and obstructing the course of justice or whatever. She spent the hearing blowing kisses at her husband, and mouthing "I love you". She also cleverly told him to come sit next to her. Eventually the judge told her to stop and she walked out of the court, after telling Fielder-Civil "You're fit". Delusions are funny, aren't they?

When asked how he was looking by the press, Amy said,

"Gorgeous as f**k, haven't you seen him?"

Ah, she might look like hell and smell like crap, but at least she still has a sense of humour.

Which might make him the only person in the world who genuinely cares about Lindsay Lohan, excluding family. Wait, no, including family.

Johnny Depp feels sorry for the messed up starlet and he and longtime girlfriend Vanessa Paradis have offered her their private island to get away from the media and such. The island, appropriately called "F*** off Island" is located somewhere in the caribbean. He invited her after meeting her backstage at the recent MTV Movie Awards.

A source reports,

"Johnny realises the pressures of fame and can see Lindsay could do with a break."

A break from what? Churning out flop films after another? Partying until all hours? While I think that the gesture was very nice, there are more needy people in the world. Like the Somalians...or the Sudanese...or me. I mean, c'mon, bitter little blogger, doesn't that bring tears to your eyes?

I miss the good old days of diamonds. Now to express your love, you apparently have to scar yourself for life.

Jennifer Aniston is still trying desperately to prove to the world that she's over Brad Pitt by scrawling random people's names on her body. Ok, I'm kidding but you get the idea, after 2 weeks to 3 months of dating (depending on your source), Jennifer claims that she in desperately in love with boyfriend John Mayer and wants to prove this by getting matching tattoos.

"John had the idea that they should both have a 'J' tattooed in a secret place as that is both their first initial." "Jennifer is really keen on the idea but is going to wait a few months. He said she's in great shape and her skin is like a baby's bottom."

You know, that phrase "Soft as a baby's bottom" just screams of pedophiliac connotations. How do people know how soft a baby's bottom is? Do they go around feeling up every toddler they see? That's just wrong!

Like mistress, like dog. Ho Ho Ho, and that ain't a Christmas cheer.

You know, I think I've hit a new low as a celebrity blogger, having to write about Paris Hilton's dog and the fact that it's dating Joel Madden's dog. Dog's don't freakin' date! They're more the wham-bam-thank you ma'am kind of animals. Except they won't even say thank you.

Paris has been dating Benji Madden of Good Charlotte fame for a few months now and her good friend (again) Nicole Richie is engaged to Benji's brother Joel, the owner of the aforementioned dog. Recently, Benji left a post on their band website, after a family party at the Hilton's,

"There were lots of babies around and everyone brought their dogs and they were all dressed up. "We just found out that Eazy, Joel's dog, and Tinkerbell are now seeing each other. She seems happy, we wish them the best..."

Kill me! Please, kill me, before I continue writing about this...ugh, whatever it is, you can't even call it a story.

Oh well, I'll stop here. Hope you like the new look SoggyCornflakes and I'll be back tomorrow with more posts. Finally, this website will start getting regular posting again, though I apologise already if you don't find me as funny as TheSman. He's kinda given up on here, except the occasional post or two every week. Have a good day!

This reminds me of that South Park episode when Tom Cruise, John Travolta and R kelly were inthe closet and refused to come out. Someone better chuck Lindsay Lohan in there as well.

I mean, it's so not obvious when Lindsay walks around hand in hand with "gal pal" Samantha Ronson. All girls make out with their best friends and tell their mommies that they're going to marry them. It's just innocent childhood fantasies. Why won't anyone let Lindsay Lohan enjoy her childhood?!?

OK! magazine are so sad. Trying to force an innocent girl like Lindsay to come out with a stupid secret that she's a lesbian. She's so not! Just because she's an affectionate person doesn't mean you offer her $1 million to come out with a story that isn't even true.

These tabloids disgust me, I can't believe how low they'd sink, Lindsay is a clean-living, simple and pure vestal virgin!

Charlie Sheen is now a married man...again. On Friday, 30th May, Charlie married girlfriend of almost two years Brooke Mueller in a quiet and small ceremony. <br>

"Brooke really wanted to walk down the aisle in a big way, but Charlie insisted they keep it simple and small,"

  After a messy divorce with Denise Richards, I'm surprised Charlie was ready to walk down the aisle so quickly, but apparently, he fell in love with Brooke on first sight, <br>

"I sensed our connection straight away, but I didn't want to jump the gun and put her in a position of any kind of pressure. "It was about three days after we met that I mentioned it. We fell in love very fast," 

How sweet. Anyone wanna bet on how long it lasts? I say a year, max.

Don't you hate it when you're the only person that isn't attracted to someone? And everyone keeps on going on about how hot said person is and you're just looking at them like... what? That's how I feel about Paris Hilton lookalike Kareena Kapoor! The actress recently appeared in a bikini in her film Tashan that sent India into an emaciated body craze, and led to her winning the "Cutest vegetarian award" from those PETA people. Read about it here.