SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

According to OK! Magazine George Clooney and Brad Pitt are best buds. Also according to OK! Magazine, Jennifer Aniston still holds plenty of hostility for anything related to Brad Pitt. OK! Magazine says,

The handsome Michael Clayton star - who just happens to be best buds with Jen's ex Brad Pitt - sauntered up to the actress at last Saturday's Night Before gala in Beverly Hills, where she was busy chatting with BFF Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Orlando Bloom, Robert Downey Jr. and his wife, Susan, outside of Bar Nineteen12. "George attempted to be friendly, but Jen wasn't having it," one eyewitness tells OK!. "After enduring a few minutes of the actor's presence, Jen turned on her heels and made a beeline for the Sunset Ballroom, where most of the guests were mingling."

I think Jennifer is regretting the fact that she didn't have a threesome with Msrs. Pitt and Clooney when she had the chance... I mean... They're so pretty! I'd go gay for them! ... Actually I wouldn't... Because that would be kinda' gay. Why is it that when a girl says she'd go bi for some celeb all the males get erections, but when a guy does it it's all, "You're gay" and "I'll buy you lube" and "C'mon over to my house, matey"? Guys don't appreciate the masculine form... and neither do I... Obviously.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, decided that releasing a range of expensive, easily breakable, female... things, wasn't enough. So now they've decided to shove their greedy little hands into the book business. The twins are publishing a coffee table book, Influence, through Penguin Young Readers Group. Us Magazine reports,

It will feature “the most interesting, challenging, creative people we know — the ones who helped pave the way for us and our generation,” Ashley said in a statement. Among them: shoe guru Christian Louboutin, actress Lauren Hutton, photographer Terry Richardson and writer Bob Colacello. “Ashley and I interviewed the people who have inspired us, with the hope that they will inspire and teach others,” Mary-Kate said.

Firstly... What's wrong with these two freaks? Why does one speak... and then the other... and then the first one again... and then the other... It's crazy! If any normal people did that they'd be labelled emotionally attached psycho's and told to see a psychologist for... like... forever. Secondly. I'm sure the book will be inspirational. I can't wait to be inspired by the "shoe guru" and "the photographer". One will tell me the exact shoes to wear when I go to the deans office to collect my expulsion letter, while the other can explain to me how to take the shot in the exact angle so that my tears don't show up that much. Screw you Tony Robbins! I have the Olsen Twins! Sure they won't help me make anything of my life, but at least I can look like the prettiest hobo in all the land.

Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from former porn "star", Rick Salomon (The guy who had "A night in Paris"... get it?). Anderson cited fraud in the divorce papers, although her representatives are refusing to talk. The AP says,

In court papers filed in Los Angeles on Friday, Anderson asked the court not to award spousal support and to keep her and Salomon's income and property separate. On Monday, Anderson filed a request to have a retired judge handle the annulment proceedings — a common practice in celebrity split-ups as it keeps matters private and out of the court.

I'm shocked. I mean a relationship that started with Pamela Anderson sleeping with an equally STD ridden guy to pay off her gambling debts seemed like a sure thing to me. There's no place for romance in the modern world, is there?

When you thought that you couldn't handle another celebrity sister pairing after the Spears and the Simpsons, along comes Ali Lohan tugging on her sisters coat tails. Ali Lohan is Lindsay's 14 year old sister and is set to take part in a new reality show brokered for her by (who else?) White Oprah. Ali tells Teen Vogue,

"I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you…it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph, and it's just a really good feeling to have."

Whoever asked her for her autograph needs to be punched in the face. Really, really hard. Still though, at least we know Ali has a great example to model herself to. She must have been a fan of Tony Robbins with all his "model (copy) someone else and you can achieve the same results they did in one tenth of the time". So... Rehab at 15? I love the Lohan's. They keep me employed. And by employed I mean I blog... and make no money.

Britney Spears, the woman that represents why some people should be forced to have their tubes tied/cut (Depends whether you have a... y'know... or a... y'know), is supposedly pregnant. Again. This time with photographer boyfriend/husband (Depends which source you believe) Adnan Ghalib's spawn. Adnan is reportedly telling anyone who'll listen that he slept with Britney Spears without a condom, going against my advice that he should kill himself. According to Star:

And what do you know! The fallen pop princess' belly is starting to show a little bulge, in spite of hours of classes at the Millennium Dance Complex. "Britney is Adnan's dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he'll be made for life," one friend of Adnan's tells Star.

Is Britney stupid? Ok... I know she's stupid... but this level of stupidity astounds me. Every single person in the world could see that this guy only wanted her money, and yet she still got knocked up by him?! The guy just looks evil! Like one of those weird Arab terrorist types that they show in those Harrison Ford movies. With that bum fluff under his chin and too much hair gel. And I'm not racist. It's Mr. Ghalibs own fault, he's made himself into a stereotype. Like how I force fed myself every day for the last 6 months while watching porn incessantly so that I could really get that "blogger look". Sure, people will be mean and call you fatty but I just look at them and say, "I'm a blogger.". Maybe that's what he was looking for? When people laugh at the fact that he can't grow a real beard or the fact that he just emptied another box of hair gel on his head, he just looks at them and says, "I'm the smarmy, shady Middle Eastern guy marrying for a green card". Smart.

Following the completion of Natalie Portman's latest movie, The Other Boleyn Girl, in which she stars with Scarlett Johansson, Portman was filled with praise for her co-stars... umm... anatomy. Portman told The Sun,

'Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts, She's got beautiful ones,'

F*ck off Natalie Portman. Seriously. F*ck off. I know it's supposed to be all hot and stuff when two hot girls start touching each other, but you can't just jump to the front of the queue just because you played Queen Amidala in those crappy Star Wars prequels. I've been devising a master plan to get my hands on Scarlett's boobs since I saw Home Alone 3. And she didn't even have boobs than! And I was 9! My plan involves daring, deception and a masterful escape. I think they might make a movie about it, once it reaches fruition. I hate people that jump queues.

Ummm... Kinda. Reports say that former Friends star, Jennifer Aniston, had her eggs frozen so she could forget about her ticking biological clock and concentrate on finding a man. Apparently Jen's buddy Sheryl Crow told her to adopt a child, but Aniston was desperate for one of her own. A Source says,

“It was a really smart move, because it buys (Jen) a few years to figure it all out. The pressure has lifted. “(Jen’s) absolutely doing the right thing. She’s giving herself a big break from the intense pressure to find Mr. Right and have kids. She’s in a good place now.”

I wonder... Did she consider the fact that her age is not the only hurdle in her having kids. I mean, first she has to find a guy that's around her age and wants kids (Good luck with that), and then... Well than she'll (probably) have kids... but it will be quite embarassing for her when she's dropping of her kid in grade 1 and his/her friends ask, "Is that you're grandma?". It will be even worse when she's driving home from school and she's mugged by a gang who take pleasure in mugging little old ladies. And it'll be even worse when menopause kicks in. And even worse when she dies. And a lot worse when God asks her, "Weren't you that whiny b*tch from Friends?"

Despite the fact that Jamie Lynn Spears got knocked up by who knows who, she recently managed to obtain her GED (The American equivalent of a high school diploma). She is now set to write her ACT (I'm guessing a college entrance exam) and wants to attend Louisiana State University. A friend of Spears says,

“She wants to take her ACT. She’s not wasting any time. People don’t know her. When she gets something in her head, she’ll make it happen. Everybody is so supportive of her.”

I bet now everyone's going to start patting her on the back saying what a brave soldier she is, and how she's setting a great example to knocked up hicks girls everywhere. Here's some food for thought. Most pregnant teens can't afford 2 nannies to babysit their kids while they're off getting sozzled in universities. I'm deep that way.

Paris Hilton is set to return to the small screen following the "success" of her initial foray into the market (i.e The Simple Life, A show that involved Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie acting like idiots and being fired from job after job before they are sent back home and they say to the camera's "See? We can live without our money!"... Douchebags). Hilton is set to star in a new show as yet untitled where Hilton will be searching amongst "normal" (read: not semi-retarded) people for someone to be her friend. A source tells Us Magazine,

"The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend, Paris is tired of the haters and she's looking for someone new. She's looking for someone new and cool who she can trust."

I should so be on this show. I could be nice and sweet to Paris for about a year and then in the final episode where Paris Hilton would choose me as her BFF I'd say in a really posh English accent, "I'd rather not. I think you're a douchebag" and then I'd spit in her mouth. Television gold. I really need to phone those producers.

Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn were spotted together at Elton John's Oscar after-party, leading celebrity experts (i.e people that have nothing better to do than read celeb news the whole day... fine... me) around the world to go, "What the F***?!" (I could've written WTF, but I wanted to keep it classy.). This is Petra's second high profile romance since her fiance passed away in Bali following a freak tidal wave. The first relationship was with James Blunt which compounded in him cheating on her with a string of less attractive females including Australian actress Tania Xaetta and Hollywood's village bicycle Lindsay Lohan. ... All this does is prove that Petra Nemcova likes ugly rich guys. Which puts me in good standing. Except for the fact that I'm not rich. But I really am ugly. Apart from my pillowy lips and my puppy dog eyes. And my masculine stubble which I keep in an attempt to look like I'm a go getter who doesn't have time to shave. Oh... And my nose... I like my nose. It's straight and free from any nasal residue... Oh Screw it! I can't get Petra Nemcova. I guess I'll just look at myself in the mirror and console myself. There you go! Rawr!