Nic Richie

Nicole Richie has been rumoured to be back in rehab for drug addiction but her representatives are furiously denying these rumours…while Nicole wipes white powder off her nose, ok, joking, about the white powder I mean. Everyone knows that Nicole’s drug of choice is heroin.

Richie’s spokespersons were reacting to reports published in The National Enquirer and US magazine Star which suggested that she had entered rehab on 11 May to cope with anorexia and her dependence on painkillers.

“She is not in rehab, she is at home in Glendale. Sobriety is an ongoing process but she is sober,” Richie’s rep Nicole Perna told E! News.

I’m not exactly sure what’s wrong with Nicole, whether she’s anorexic, bulimic, a drug-addict, and alcoholic or what, but she clearly has problems. Maybe it’s because she looks like some kind of marsupial and not a cute one either. You don’t like me saying that? Talk to my spokesperson! But since he’s a 3 foot hairy teddy who sleeps on my bed, good luck with that.