Now I’ll give you a second to get over the fact, that it’s not true… It was a misleading headline… Exactly like they had on Now’s website. Now you too can experience the crushing disappointment I felt after I feverishly clicked at the headline.

… Done?

Paris Hilton is set to star in a production on London’s West End, entitled Prisoner Cell Block H: The Musical. The 23 year old is set to play a dyke in the stage version of the Australian cult show.

A source says,

‘Everyone is very excited. Paris is a major coup,’

‘The casting agents didn’t even think she’d try out but she swotted up with DVDs of the original show that she had flown in especially.

‘She absolutely loved it.’

‘Paris is keen to stretch herself as an actress so she’s happy to kiss another girl for the audience and actually thinks it’ll be fun to play a lesbian,’

‘She’ll also get to stretch her vocal chords and she loves that.’

Good news people… You don’t even have to wait for the show to release… I’ll give you a review now!

It sucks! It sucks worst than being adopted by kinky, horny, homosexual Grizzly Bears. The fact that they considered the signing of Paris Hilton a “coup” tells you all you need to know about the “show”.

I’d rather spend my time trying to extract the jelly from my eyeballs to spread on my toast.

A penny for your thoughts? (Except I won’t really give you a penny… I’m greedy)