SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Firstly I’d like to apologize for the scarcity of updates over the last two weeks (read: none), however I have a good excuse… I was holding off an alien invasion single handedly… and I’m on holiday… and who would’ve thought that it’s tough to get an internet connection in the third world… I mean, can’t you swap some beggars for some copper cables you douchebags?

Still, I’m sorry you couldn’t get your celeb news… With me being gone and all… I’m sure you didn’t abandon me and start reading other blogs… did you?

Anyway.

Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend, Jessica Biel, has been voted the cleanest-living female celebrity by SoCal Cleanse Detox users, while junkie Amy Winehouse was voted the “dirtiest” and most unhealthy.

The male section of the poll was led by football star David Beckham (and NO I did NOT get that wrong, he plays FOOTball… Not girl rugby i.e American “football”). He was closely followed by Matt Damon and Jake Gyllenhall.

The entire list reads as follows,

Cleanest female celebrities
1. Jessica Biel - 35 per cent
2. Carrie Underwood - 22 per cent
3. Rachel Bilson - 20 per cent
4. Jessica Alba - 16 per cent
5. Tyra Banks - 7 per cent

Dirtiest female celebrities
1. Amy Winehouse - 47 per cent
2. Paris Hilton - 21 per cent
3. Tara Reid - 16 per cent
4. Courtney Love - 13 per cent
5. Heidi Montag (”The Hills” actress) - 3 per cent

Cleanest Male celebrities
1. David Beckham - 28 per cent
2. Matt Damon - 26 per cent
3. Jake Gyllenhaal - 18 per cent
4. Matthew McConaughey - 16 per cent
5. Zac Efron (”High School Musical” actor) - 12 per cent

Dirtiest Male celebrities
1. Tommy Lee - 45 per cent
2. David Hasselhoff - 22 per cent
3. Vince Vaughn - 18 per cent
4. Kiefer Sutherland - 11 per cent
5. Jonathan Rhys Myers - 4 per cent

I only have 2 points to make:

Point 1: I’m pretty sure that in the next ten years all the dirty female celebrities (and probably the males too) will die of overdosing, AIDS and general sluttiness… Oh, and why isn’t Lindsay Lohan there? Rehab… pffft.

Point 2: I’m pretty sure all the cleanest men are gay. Except for Matt Damon. He was in the Bourne Supremacy and you can’t fake that manliness baby.

NOTE: Another point… I only just realized how appropriate Amy Winehouses surname is. Admittedly it would be even more appropriate if her surname were Crackwhore.

NOTE 2: I lied about the aliens. The were actually Nazi’s.

NOTE 3: I lied about the Nazi’s.