SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan has been banned from an exclusive hotel following her trashing of a room along with her former boyfriend, Riley Giles. After hosting Lindsay and her former flame in the hotel for three days, hotel staff were disgusted to discover the mess of cigarette butts and used syringes in the room, besides an unmistakeble stench. The Shutter's on the beach hotel apparently had to call in a cleaning crew to clean up the mess. An insider says,

"There was also a bloody syringe that someone left lying on the bedside table on a room service tray. Hotel security photographed it before calling someone to remove it because it was considered hazardous waste."

I can't believe this! I mean... SHE WAS IN REHAB! She met her boyfriend in rehab! She was rehabilitated! I'm honestly very shocked... It took a month for her to be found with drugs again? For shame tabloid journalists... For shame!

Sacha Baron Cohen, who plays Johnny Depp's rival in the upcoming Tim Burton flick, Sweeney Todd, insisted that that his pants be *ahem* "filled out" while the camera's were rolling. Designer Colleen Atwood said:

"We augmented Sacha's costume. It was his idea. We stuffed his pants with a little quilted thing. We tried different materials and different sizes and positions." "You kind of forget what you're doing, and you're just sort of looking at what looks the best, I would like it if a lot of people think it's real."

Ha! I feel sorry for these losers that have to fill out their pants when they go out. Why not just be happy with what you have? Like me? I mean, I could not be more grateful for my long flowery sundress and my realistic wig, which I wear when I go to nightclubs and make out with drunk girls. Hey! Don't judge me!

Firstly I'd like to apologize for the scarcity of updates over the last two weeks (read: none), however I have a good excuse... I was holding off an alien invasion single handedly... and I'm on holiday... and who would've thought that it's tough to get an internet connection in the third world... I mean, can't you swap some beggars for some copper cables you douchebags? Still, I'm sorry you couldn't get your celeb news... With me being gone and all... I'm sure you didn't abandon me and start reading other blogs... did you? Anyway. Justin Timberlake's girlfriend, Jessica Biel, has been voted the cleanest-living female celebrity by SoCal Cleanse Detox users, while junkie Amy Winehouse was voted the "dirtiest" and most unhealthy. The male section of the poll was led by football star David Beckham (and NO I did NOT get that wrong, he plays FOOTball... Not girl rugby i.e American "football"). He was closely followed by Matt Damon and Jake Gyllenhall. The entire list reads as follows,

Cleanest female celebrities 1. Jessica Biel - 35 per cent 2. Carrie Underwood - 22 per cent 3. Rachel Bilson - 20 per cent 4. Jessica Alba - 16 per cent 5. Tyra Banks - 7 per cent Dirtiest female celebrities 1. Amy Winehouse - 47 per cent 2. Paris Hilton - 21 per cent 3. Tara Reid - 16 per cent 4. Courtney Love - 13 per cent 5. Heidi Montag ("The Hills" actress) - 3 per cent Cleanest Male celebrities 1. David Beckham - 28 per cent 2. Matt Damon - 26 per cent 3. Jake Gyllenhaal - 18 per cent 4. Matthew McConaughey - 16 per cent 5. Zac Efron ("High School Musical" actor) - 12 per cent Dirtiest Male celebrities 1. Tommy Lee - 45 per cent 2. David Hasselhoff - 22 per cent 3. Vince Vaughn - 18 per cent 4. Kiefer Sutherland - 11 per cent 5. Jonathan Rhys Myers - 4 per cent

I only have 2 points to make: Point 1: I'm pretty sure that in the next ten years all the dirty female celebrities (and probably the males too) will die of overdosing, AIDS and general sluttiness... Oh, and why isn't Lindsay Lohan there? Rehab... pffft. Point 2: I'm pretty sure all the cleanest men are gay. Except for Matt Damon. He was in the Bourne Supremacy and you can't fake that manliness baby. NOTE: Another point... I only just realized how appropriate Amy Winehouses surname is. Admittedly it would be even more appropriate if her surname were Crackwhore. NOTE 2: I lied about the aliens. The were actually Nazi's. NOTE 3: I lied about the Nazi's.