SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Paris Hilton has reportedly decided that she will be cryogenically frozen following her death, so that she can be resurrected in the future... y'know... when they figure stuff like that out. News.com reports,

The hotel heiress is keen to live forever and has invested a large sum of money in the world's biggest suspended animation cemetery, Cryonics Institute. She wants her body to be preserved and then brought back to life, along with her favourite pets, including her famous Chihuahua Tinkerbell and new mutt, Yorkshire Terrier Cinderella. The Simple Life star said: "It's so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. "And if you're immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. "My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

That's classic. These guys took money off Paris Hilton so that they can stick her in a freezer... Or not. Who's going to check up on them? They'll probably throw her out a week after freezing her. Than they'll go back to sipping Martini's on the veranda of the mansion that was bought with Hilton's donated fortune. I guess they might have some problems in hell (Or heaven) when they run into Hilton. But I guess they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.

Hi all! Hope you enjoyed your weekend. I spent mine studying for my Economics exam. That doesn't mean I'll pass. It just means I get to fail in style. Anyway, back to celeb news. After earlier reports that Lindsay Lohan had smoked away all her money (An estimated 7 million Dollars), it seems she has come up with a new source of income... from photo's... of herself. According to Janet Charlton, Lindsay the paps ahead of time so that they can snap her pics... after which they share the profits with Lindsay. Talk about drunk with fame. I suppose she needs something to replace the void in her life, after she quit alcohol. Oops. I don't get it. For photos of Lindsay, newspapers are willing to pay money. But when I send my photo's to CNN all I get back are claims that I'm "harassing them" and "wasting their precious time". I mean... I took those photo's with a digital camera... 8 mega pixels gone to waste. Bast*rds.

After breaking up the marriage of Riley Giles and Breanna Tierney, it seems that the star of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (Don't look at me like that. I didn't watch it. Promise) is set to wed the man of her dreams (Read: Druggie, alcoholic and funny looking). To recap in case you missed yesterdays blog, Riley Giles had proposed to his ex girlfriend with a cheap Zircon ring, which he tried to pass it off as a diamond ring. A radio DJ named JJ confirms the news from the horses mouth. Ok! Magazine has the details:

“I read an article about [Riley’s] ex-fiance; I was trying to book her on my radio show," JJ explains to OK!. "I saw on her MySpace that she was bickering with Riley, so I went back to the article and realized it was Lindsay’s man! This is when I e-mailed him, and tried to get him on the show.” JJ then claims that Lindsay and Riley, who met in rehab at Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah, got engaged, at the Utah resort the actress stayed at after she first exited rehab. JJ tells OK! that it was Riley himself who revealed he was engaged.

This is so sad. It's like Britney Spears II, except Lindsay has no money. Also yesterday I went on to this guys myspace which you can see here (Only click this if you're willing to hear one of the worst songs ever. I don't even know what it's called. I just know that my ears hate me), and for the first time I realized what a sad breed of human most myspace users are. Here's one of the many idiotic comments on his page,

Ur the man dude....I think you pulled off every guys fucking dream pull....and in all places rehab. Don't get caught up in petty back and forth shit...the press will eat you alive...silence is virtue...lata playa

I suppose every guy dreams of dying with 60 STD's...

You know that guy? The one we spoke (wrote and read) about yesterday? The one that slept with Lindsay Lohan? No! Not number 657. I think he might be number 832. He's a snowboarder. Riley Giles or whatever. Yeah? His girlfriend is whining to The Enquirer. She says,

“Lindsay Lohan stole my fiancé and wrecked my life!” “I loved Riley and Lindsay stole him. I met her at a meeting while they were still patients at Cirque, and I just knew something was up. “She came into the meeting with Riley, and she comes over and sits next to me, being overly nice. She was complimenting me on my hair and trying to be my friend. It didn’t seem sincere at all. “A few days later, I get a text message from Riley telling me he wanted to ‘take a break.’ I knew instantly it was because of Lindsay.” “Lindsay has no morals and needs some serious help – besides drug rehab — for all her other problems.”

Can you say drama queen? It's not like Lindsay stole away Brad Pitt or anything. She stole away a crap druggie snowboarder, who is in all likelihood unemployed and dresses like K.Fed is his role model. And for someone to say Lindsay Lohan has no morals... It's like saying the earth is round... Or the sun is shiny... I think, once someone has blown half of Hollywood, it's safe to assume she's not a big "Jesus fan". UPDATE: Ooh, Ooh Update!!! I forgot the best part of the interview. The Enquirer reports, She was stunned to discover Riley had given her a fake diamond engagement ring.

“I went to get it repaired because some of the diamonds fell out,” she recalled. “I wanted to scream when the jeweler told me the stones were cheap cubic zirconias.”

It's amazing how stupid some people are. She expected her unemployed, K.Fed wannabe boyfriend to give her a diamond ring? She's lucky that at least there were zircons and not random pebbles he picked off the ground and stuck to a hollowed out Coke lid.

Britney Spears has had her visitation rights suspended, until she complies with court orders. TMZ.com reports,

The order by L.A. County Commissioner Scott Gordon came after K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, went to court yesterday for an emergency hearing. The order reads, "Petitioner's (Britney's) visitation with the minor children is suspended pending Petitioner's compliance with the court orders." Brit's next shot at getting the kids is October 26, when she's been ordered back to court."

No one can tell me that Britney didn't want this. You know I think Britney might be an evil genius. Everyone knew she was going to lose the kids, but she carried on partying because "She was so worried that she would lose the kids". Then when the kids were supposed to visit her she refused to open the gate. What's the bets she misses the October 26 hearing? While we're all here laughing at Britney, she's probably sitting on one of those chairs that can spin around stroking a hairless cat, while laughing evilly. Maybe that's why she went bald... To get the authentic look. Enough of this fantasy world. Britney's stupid. If she turned out to have an IQ a point above 65, my whole world would collapse and I'd be sucked into a black whole.

You know when people say "Money can't buy you the important things in life"?. Yeah. They're lying. If you have enough money you can buy anything. Including the right to engage in sexual congress with a supermodel and the hottest thing to ever come out of Mexico, including that weird shaped Jalapeño I ate last week. Meet Francois-Henri Pinault. Despite looking like an odd mix of a bulbous eyed freak and Frankenstein, Mr. Pinault, has managed to father Salma Hayek's upcoming child as well as Linda Evangelista’s son, Augustin James. His other main achievement is being the son of a rich daddy. Do you think I'm jealous? Because yes. Yes, I'm very very jealous. I feel like just grabbing that Jalapeño on my desk and grinding it between my teeth... Oooh, Oooh, it burns so bad!!!

Ever heard of Riley Giles (What kind of name is that anyway...)? Yeah, me neither. Apparently he's a snowboarder, and Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend. She met the guy in rehab, which is pretty much the most romantic story I've heard since those two high school kids hooked up drunkenly after prom, producing an unwitting human spawn. The girl ran away 6 days after giving birth, leaving the guy heartbroken. It's a very Romeo-Julietesque love story. Anyway. Riley Giles was allegedly engaged to his girlfriend, Bree Tierney, before he met Lindsay. And obviously Lindsay can't meet a guy without spreading her STD's. Long story short, he got STD's, his girlfriend only found out when she read the paper. Bree's mum says,

“Riley just stopped calling Bree and never told her about Lindsay. She found out by seeing photos. It destroyed her.”

Shame for Bree. But good, for Lindsay. Luckily she's managed to get someone to recover with. Except they both decided to celebrate their newfound recovery buddies, by going for a drinking binge. Shocking news indeed. ... It's so nice to see love blossom. Especially when it ends with both lovers vomiting in the dark alley behind the pub and then getting mugged. Aah Romance!

Britney Spears turned up at a Los Angeles police station and turned herself in for charges of hit and run and driving without a license. The AP Reports,

Officer Mike Lopez said Spears turned herself in around 9 p.m. and left about 45 minutes later. Spears was fingerprinted and photographed, he said. "She was fine, cooperative," Lopez said. "She did her business and came out."

It's nice to see the LA Police force working so hard. I suppose they just sit inside their Police stations waiting for criminals to show up? And then maybe once in a while they send a lone ranger outside to buy Donuts? That makes me feel safe. Mainly because I don't live there.

Paris Hilton says she has found a flaw in her perfect existence that left her felling empty inside. Paris says,

"Before, my life was about having fun, going to parties -- it was a fantasy. But when I had time to reflect, I felt empty inside. I want to leave a mark on the world."

Luckily she'll get a chance to leave her mark on the world (Along with the worst porno ever of course) when she goes to Rwanda to help the sick and starving children. You know so she can highlight their plight. Except... wait. She's using the trip to highlight... Paris Hilton! Shocking! Hilton says (regarding the film crew that will be following her),

"I love having everything documented. It shows people what everyday life is like for me, how hard I work."

Has there ever been a more self absorbed cow than Paris Hilton? I really can't imagine it. I'd assume it'd be sucked up in the vortex of it's own absorption. Hilton is borderline. Hopefully one or two more days is all it will take.

In news that will fill Brandon Davis' heart with joy (Bless his tiny little heart), News of the World reports that Lindsay Lohan has about as much cash to scrub together as the "50c a handjob" hooker on the corner. NOTW reports,

HOLLYWOOD superstar Lindsay Lohan is BROKE after blowing her fortune on a massive orgy of booze and drugs. In recent months the wayward actress has squandered a staggering SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS on her wild partying. And now the 21-year-old is so skint she can't afford her own place—and has become a lodger at a rich pal's mansion. Hard-up Lindsay has had to sell both her plush properties—a $2.85MILLION apartment in LA, plus her $1MILLION New York flat—because she could not manage to keep up with the huge mortgage payments.

... I thought they said she was broke? Since when is having a 3 million Dollar mansion to sell, broke? You know what the NOTW are? They're phonies! Like Lindsay Lohan's boobs! Ooh controversy!