SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Jennifer Aniston, the poster girl for "Moving on with your life", was spotted at a special screening of Brad Pitt’s new movie, The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford at the Landmark Cinema in Los Angeles. She apparently tried to cover her face with a baseball cap, but despite her masterful assassin level disguise she was spotted. The fact that she was accompanied by Monica Courteney Cox, didn't seem to help. ... You know. I could feel bad for her. Because y'know... It's sad... Lusting after some middle aged man. But I won't. Because I'm mean. I once drowned a kitten. Ok... maybe not drowned... washed might be a better word... and cuddled... before tucking it into my bed and going to sleep on the floor. My point is, Jennifer Aniston is sad and pathetic and I'm a bad boy. Call me ladies.

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed your weekend. I enjoyed sitting miserably for 48 hours, on my table reading piles of crap law notes, all the while preparing for the inevitable crushing failure. Anyway, 1 post today because I have another opportunity to fail tomorrow. Britney Spears was allegedly spotted giving a lapdance to Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback, Tomy Romo. Romo, who has previously been linked with Carrie Underwood and Sophia Bush seemed to be... uggghhh *shiver* .... enjoying the attention. Said Ryan Seacrest,

“I spoke to her for a minute. She seemed to be in a very, very good mood. She had her sunglasses on. I said, ‘Busy day, huh?’ She kind of smiled and laughed and said, ‘Yeah.’ And then I believe I saw her and Tony Romo frolicking.” “Lap dancing?” a co-host asked. “I mean some would say,” Seacrest said. “She’s on his lap,” the co-host continued. “Yeah,” Seacrest replied.

Wow... This guys standards are slipping. From Sophia Bush and Carrie Underwood to Britney Spears? If he doesn't watch out he might end up having sex with coke cans. You know... when you cut a hole in the top and fill it up with vaseline and it's so so great... ummm... That's how I heard they do it... from a friend... He told me. A friend told me he has sex with Coke cans.

kinda'... I mean... It could happen. Paris Hilton, the "star" of "poke my eye out" reality shows like The Simple Life (Did anyone think, The life of Simpletons, would have been a more appropriate title?) and One night in Paris, was set to travel to Rwanda on a "humanitarian mission" (Read: to film another crap reality show). However the visit, is now delayed due to some technicalities by the people in charge of the trip, This statement was issued to People Magazine,

"Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris Hilton has been postponed." "Paris has been a loyal and gracious supporter of Playing For Good but the foundation has to regrettably reschedule this trip. Playing for Good would like to thank Ms. Hilton for her generosity and her continued support of this initiative and is looking forward to rescheduling the trip with her at a later time."

I'd guess E! probably couldn't find ten camera men ready to go to such a dangerous location... I mean... hanging out with Paris Hilton must be terrifying. I hear the camera men on The Simple Life all won medals for bravery... The one that made it, that is. Five are in a psychiatric care... One is in a mental home. That's what I heard.

And not in a good way. Ryan Reynolds had his birthday on Tuesday, and his girlfriend (Scarlett Johansson) gave him the gift that every guy wants from his girlfriend (No, not a night of "anything goes" and no, not her fathers bank details, and no not a Ferrari)... her tooth. Ummm.... Romantic? Scarlett reportedly had her wisdom tooth extracted, before dipping it in gold and presenting it to Reynolds. ... It's nice to see such love in the world. All those girls that buy their lovers watches, socks, back massages and "anything goes" coupons should be ashamed. I'll bet Ryan Reynolds can't wait until his next birthday... He must be shivering in anticipation of the platinum coated toe. PS: I'm serious about the socks though... For shame!

In both body and mind. Us Weekly reports that Nicole Richie is continually pestering her baby's daddy, Joel Madden, about his ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff. A source tells Us Weekly,

"She will ask if he's going to watch Lizzie McGuire DVDs or listen to Hilary's albums, Joel tells her she's being out of line."

I guess that always happens with insecure women. They think their man is looking at every single woman in the world... Which he probably is... But still. It doesn't help saying it all the time. It just disturbs the woman watching experience... Which is a lot like bird watching... except with more masturbation. Not me though. I'm like a monk. I just look down and walk straight...* *Into hot girls. That's what monks do, right?

I know! I couldn't believe it either! I'll give you a moment to calm yourself. ... Yes. It's true. Pamela Anderson, the star of Baywatch and VIP, is addicted to the white powder known as cocaine. Jonathon Jaxson (A celebrity blogger... Is this now the most common thing in the world? Every second blog is a freakin' celebrity blog... It makes it tough for us low level blogs to complete... B*stards!) reports a source as saying,

“She knows she is going to die soon, so she continues to party out of control thinking nothing of it. Never does she mention her kids. Her marriage to Rick Solomon, nicknamed by Pam and friends as “Scum,” was something to full-fill her immediate emotional needs. We have all known one another for years and nothing ever sparked between them until recently!” “The 3-4 days a week cocaine binges are insane. There isn’t a day that goes by in the past 4-5 years of knowing her that I have seen Pam sober. She won’t even take care of her health properly and the drugs are only further causing her liver trouble.” “I have witnessed her using several drugs over the past few years. Including: Crystal Meth, Methadone, Ecstasy, Marijuana and her nearly daily drug of choice, Cocaine.” “I hope she gets the message soon before it is too late. I am so worried about her and she won’t listen to a soul.”

... I still can't believe it! I mean... A women who lives in Los Angeles... Who's been married to 2 (3?) B Grade Rockstars and a Z Grade pornstar... Who hangs out with Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton... is addicted to crack? Shocking! If people like her aren't safe... Who is? We might as well just lock ourselves in a little shack in the Sahara to stay away from the evil beast that is cocaine. Note: Seriously though, how is this considered to be an exclusive? I mean... My grandma knows that Pamela Anderson does drugs... And my granny doesn't even have a TV... Or a radio... Or a house... Seriously from now on I should start with well known facts and label them "Exclusives"! I'll start now, "Lindsay Lohan has sex with random people... EXCLUSIVE!". Yay! Second Note: The worst part is... I'm reporting other people's "Exclusives".

And by Lohan, I mean Mr. Lohan... Lindsay's father. I have no idea what his name is. So I'll call him Pippen. Pippen Lohan is impressed with the new man (read: loser) in Lindsay's life. He is also upset about how the media are treating Riley. Pippen Lohan says,

“Riley is a good kid. He comes from a good family. It’s not about what we did in the past. It’s about righting those wrongs. I don’t think anyone has the right to judge Riley. They [Lindsay & Riley] keep each other in line. They go to meetings with one another.”

How dare he say I don't have a right to judge Riley? I'll judge him however much I want. Like in the picture above. He has stubble... so I assume (i.e judge) that he doesn't have a home... and he's wearing a back to front baseball cap... so I assume (i.e judge) that he suffers from a mild form of mental retardation... and he's hanging out with Lindsay Lohan... so I assume (i.e judge) that he has STD's that most of us have never even heard of. To put it mildly... I'll judge him all I want! Note: Lindsay's dad's name is Michael.

Hi all! Only one post today. I have a test tomorrow which I have to pretend I'm studying for so today you only get to waste your time for about two minutes instead of the usual five. Jennifer Aniston is reportedly ready to dish all on her ex-husband, Brad Pitt and his lover, Angelina Jolie. The problem is that no one cares, since they broke up around the same time the last dinosaurs were dying. One of Jennifers friends (I'd guess it's a select group of two),

“Jen is absolutely incensed, How dare he try and pretend everything is great between us? What right does Brad have to say these things?"

She also said, that Aniston said,

"Angelina can say all she likes that she didn’t steal my husband, and Brad can try and say he was all innocent. But you do the math! It doesn’t take much working it out,’”

OK Jen. I'll do the math. Brad wanted a kid + Your ovaries were in free fall + Hot women tells Brad Pitt to fertilize her = Divorce + Shiloh I'm so gonna ace my maths test tomorrow!

Halle Berry seems to be going through the crazy phase of her pregnancy after her antisemitic outburst on the Jay Leno show yesterday (Actually it was just a bad joke... but nothing like controversy to get visits, eh?). Page Six reports,

(Berry) was showing Leno and his audience images of herself on her computer using the Mac program Photo Booth, which distorts images like a carnival fun-house mirror. According to one audience member, "She introduced the first photo by saying, 'Here's where I look like my Jewish cousin!' - it was a picture of her with a huge, distorted nose. No one laughed, and Jay nervously said, 'I'm glad you said that and not me.' When the show aired, they cut out her 'Jewish' comment..." Another guest in the audience told us, "Ms. Berry should know how unbelievably inappropriate her comment was . . . She should be ashamed of herself." Berry, who sounded like she was near tears, told Page Six last night: "I so didn't mean to offend anybody - and after the show I realized it could be seen as offensive, so I asked Jay to take it out, and he did." Berry, who even offered to call Page Six's source and apologize in person, said, "It was just a lighthearted segment that was meant to make fun of myself. There was a picture where I said I looked like Monica Lewinsky and one where I said I looked like Jay. It was just supposed to be a silly segment. I am so sorry, and I apologize."

Whatever, Halle you Jew hater! I'll bet the members of your "Hitler Club" thought you were hilarious. Maybe after sucking some Jew blood you can put on your hood and maybe head south for a relaxing evening mauling black people. (Actually I don't really mean that... I'm just fishing for comments)

Care to guess which one she's more excited about? The wreck that is Britney Spears somehow managed to regain visitation rights, despite her most earnest efforts. People Magazine reports,

The singer on Saturday was spotted driving with her children in Studio City, Calif., in her white Mercedes convertible, which was decorated with pumpkins on the dashboard. A presumed court-appointed monitor was seated in the front seat, with her sons in the rear

Britney also got new lips this weekend (On her face perv!), apparently injecting them full of collagen. However she was apparently shy to show the pillowy goodness of her lips, covering them up with her hands when the paps approached. ... Good for Britney! It's been a long time since she's had a good weekend. I'd guess her last good weekend was a couple of years ago when there was the two for the price of one special at McDonalds. Good times. NOTE: What's that you ask? It's collagen. Here at SoggyCornflakes we believe in teh value of science in our readers lives... Wait! Where're you going?!