SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

We haven't heard much about Pete Doherty in a while, but that's only because he's too busy snorting and injecting things into his eyeballs. And he's doing that in rehab. Kate Moss visited him recently, where he lovingly presented her with a gift of a dead mouse attached to a brooch. Pete Darling, that seriously won't work on the catwalks. Pete, despite cheating on Kate, is supposedly still in love with her and the gift was a symbolic expression of his feelings, just in a slightly dead and gross way. A source says:

“Some people might find it disgusting but it’s still art, if in its extreme sense. Nobody baulks when Damien Hirst puts a shark in formaldehyde and this is very similar. It’s become the latest outlandish fashion statement in Manhattan but Pete is trying to emphasize how he feels without Kate - defeated, crushed and broken, like the dead animal.”

Or maybe he's saying that he's a rat? I think after rehab, a trip to the psychiatrist may be in order.

Tween sensation, Miley Cyrus, better known as Hannah Montana of Disney’s hit TV show of the same name, is apparently a big hit singing wise. She is set to tour all over America and her tickets have been snapped up like hot cakes. So much so that to get a ticket now would require an “investment” approaching 2000 Dollars. Parents and fans are now left in a lurch wondering how to get their hands on the precious tickets. One parent (After buying 2 seats for a relatively cheap 679 Dollars) said,

"It was supposed to be something light-hearted and fun, and it's turned into something more expensive than our monthly mortgage, My son has no knowledge of us going into credit-card debt to get the tickets. I thought it would be worth it — that it would compensate for my own mental anguish — but it leaves me with such a bad feeling. I'd promised him. How far am I willing to go to keep that promise. If I refused, that only hurts him."

… I don’t get these parents. Just slap your kid around a bit and then shove a tootsie pop in his mouth. Their kids are probably gonna dump them in a nursing home in a couple of years anyway. They might as well get a head start in the meanness stakes.

And not because she got drunkenly married in Vegas or something, which usually would be your thoughts, but Lindsay Lohan was mentioned in divorce papers as one of the reasons for a couple splitting. I'm sure Lindsay must be so excited to hear that. Lindsay supposedly had a fling with Dead Stays Alive frontman Tony Allen while in rehab at the start of the month and now his wife Stephanie is filing for divorce, citing his drug use and infidelity with Lindsay as reasons for the split. Now that should really make Lindsay happy! Sex and Drugs, just the way she likes it. No wonder something was happening with this guy! Pissed and Dissed wife Steph says:

"After my husband's return from rehabilitation I was bombarded with calls alerting me to the fact that my husband's conduct with another woman was on the internet and in gossip magazines."

You mean that's not expected of any man with little self-control who spends more than 10 minutes with the spawn of Satan? The Spawn of Satan being Lindsay of course. Just because it took me a while to get it doesn't mean it should take you long!

Or me for that matter. Chris Crocker the "star" of the infamous "Leave Britney alone" tape has been given his own TV Show. Rasha Drachkovitch, co-founder of 44 Blue Productions told Variety magazine.

"It's going to pretty much be the 'Chris Crocker experience, We consider him a rebel character that people will find interesting. He's going to be a TV star."

Chris Crocker is truly a rebel. I mean crying on a public internet site wearing makeup? I mean... He's all the rebel of James Dean and Robo Cop combined! Bravo Sir! Note: What I actually meant to say was that I despise Chris Crocker... In case you didn't get that vibe from my post.

An L.A attorney has filed charges against Britney Spears after she was captured on camera bumping a car before calmly (Probably stoned) driving away. Britney doesn't have a drivers license.

Britney Spears has been charged with one count of hit and run causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. Both charges are misdemeanors, each carrying a maximum of 6 months in jail."

I'm honestly shocked. I mean... Britney Spears breaking the law? What with her track record of following good advice and all. I'd be more shocked if a Tibetan monk decided to enter the WWE (Which I guess technically isn't fighting... because it's all fake).

Paris has been on a low-ebb for a while. Not much news about her, which is frankly a relief. But Paris Hilton won't let the world forget about her and since she has no news of her own, she will tell you other people's news. Christina Aguilera has not admitted that she's pregnant, despite being seen with a bump and her shopping sprees that involve blue-themed baby cloths and accessories. But Paris outed her recently at a night-club when she screamed that Christina was "most beautiful pregnant woman in the world". Christina responded by burying her face in her husband's chest. Awww, she's shy!

There was a beautiful princess who was dating a kinda-handsome prince. Then one day the evil witch called Twinkies took over her body and turned her into a disgusting mess. Now she can never live happily ever after. The End. This is based on a true story. My literary genius amazes me sometimes! So Justin Timberlake does a blast from the past and talks about his past relationship with Britney Spears on Oprah:

“It is funny because we dated each other at a time...wow, I haven't talked about this for a long time. It's interesting. We were teenagers, you know,” “I think that's basically the best way to describe what happened to us. I think she's a great person, and I don't know her as well as I did. What I do know about her is that she has a great heart.”

A great heart meaning that she won't sell her kids for a Big Mac?

Hayden Panettiere (who is all of 154 cm tall according to celebheights.com) was apparently livid when an US weekly reporter, reported that she had broken up with some Italian dude. Michael Ausiello says:

Anyway, it was the unbreakable Hayden Panettiere who threatened to "kill" a staffer from Us Weekly over something she wrote about her in a recent issue. Just when it looked like Hayden was about to pull a Sylar on said reporter's skull, her quick-thinking publicist grabbed her and scolded, "Not on the red carpet." It was a classic Hollywood moment — and one I predict will be streaming all over the Internet by week's end.

Wow... The poor guy must've been really scared... I mean... being attacked by midgets is something that has terrified us all... The Exorcist... The Omen... Carrie... Terrifying stuff indeed. Lock your doors and windows tonight folks... Hayden is on the prowl. (I won't lock mine by the way... Just in case she really is on the prowl... Because I'm brave... I'll take one for the team. High five!)

Paul Weller, former Jam frontman, has weirdly enough praised Amy Winehouse for her drunken behaviour, insisting that she's still a good role model.

"She is one of my favourite all-time singers. "I've been lucky enough to work with her - she is an amazing, great talent and, despite what all the papers say, she is a great role model for people and I don't think the drugs and the drink and all that make a scrap of difference really. "I think you should judge people on their talent and on that level she's up there, a major talent."

Of course Paul is right, alcoholism and scary, bleeding from your feet drug abuse is totally disregarded when people look for a role model. Role models are ugly singers with a few hits, who show the world that no matter how ugly you are, you can make it! Especially if you have a coke-sniffing soul-mate by your side who supports you in all your binges. I wonder who's Amy's heroin injecting buddies? I'm not pointing at you Paul...but I'm just saying.

I mean, why would she go partying after told by the court that she would be randomly tested for drugs and alcohol. The mind of Britney Spears is a strange place. For her, the answer to no drugs and alcohol is more drugs and alcohol, because it'll chase out the old drugs and alcohol...and this totally makes sense, to me and Britney. The has-been popstar was recently seen out partying, with Avril Lavigne, who had reviously dissed Britney for dressing like a showgirl and dancing like a hoe. Those are direct quotes. So either Britney has totally forgotten about that and decided that Avril was a good new BFF, because she's married too. I mean, Britney's and Avril's marriages are so alike! Britney married a wannabe rapper and fell lower than the Grand Canyon (I have to work on my metaphors) and Avril married a relatively decent and not as useless-pathetic-excuse-for-human-life husband and is still going strong. See? Like two peas in a pod! As for Britney's night out, an onlooker said:

"She was dancing on the tables trying to be really sexy, even putting a black sock over her head as a hat, and putting on a show for everyone."

Yes, black socks, that's smoking hot! Too bad she didn't try that at the WMA's, I'm sure she wouldn't have flopped then.