SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Good news for Chris Crocker. Britney's family apparently want her to seek help at Utah's Cirque Lodge rehabilitation clinic, following her inability to stem her wild partying. If you don't remember that's where Lindsay Lohan stays too (She lives there right?). A source told Life and Style Weekly magazine:

"If Britney finally acknowledges that she must face her addictions, then that's the best place. It's working for Lindsay, and hopefully Britney will see that as inspiration."

That's a good idea. It seems to definitely be working for Lindsay. What with her being caught taking drugs, sleeping with other people's husbands and her new found sex addiction. I mean if you were to tell me that Utah's Cirque Lodge was a sham I'd call you a loon. A loon I say. And than I'd go collect the money Utah's Cirque Lodge would be paying me as their PR Representative. Because it totally is. A sham I mean. Totally. I've seen more honesty from OJ Simpson.

That would be the only way to explain his ridiculous hold over Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba and Cash Warren were spotted shopping at a Malibu store... shopping for baby clothes (dun dun dun). A source told gossip website TMZ.com:

"They seemed really happy to be back together as they shopped. "Jessica was picking out shirts for Cash and holding them up against him. "Then they started sneaking a peek at a pair of very fashionable looking baby shoes."

When asked who the shoes were for, the couple refused to answer and hurriedly rushed to their car (Which was probably paid for by Jessica... What the hell... DEFINITELY paid for by Alba). In case you didn't get it the 50 other times I've said this... I'll say it again. Cash Warren serves coffee on the sets. I bet he even serves coffee to the extras. On the sets no one even knows his name. I've heard he's known as either "Pako" or "That lucky bastard". Jessica Alba makes me feel things. In my pants. That is all.

Daniel Radcliffe, who was tipped by Pierce Brosnan to be a future Bond, is set to start his apprenticeship for the role by playing a spy in his next movie. Except instead of nailing some of the most beautiful women in the world, Daniel will take it up the pooper. And by it, I mean a ding dong. And by ding dong I mean cock. And by cock I mean penis... In case you didn't get it, He's a homo. Radcliffe says he's not trying to be controversial, but enjoys playing characters who are exploring their sexuality. He says,

"I'd never play a gay character just for the sake of playing a gay character. If the script was good, and it was a good gay character then, I'm 18, and so the parts I'm going to be getting will be open for around that age range. "And around that age range is when people are exploring sexuality, so those are the parts I think I will be involved in."

I really don't get all this "exploring sexuality"... I'm 100% sure that I have no intention of exploring ANY other side of my sexuality... Ever. I repeat. Ever. I mean... What do you do? Go up to your best friend and say, "Hey Dude, lets lube up our phalluses and stick them into each others anus... Just to explore... We'll be like Marco Polo... except gayer"

It seems like today is the day where shocking stories seem to pop up from everywhere. We just need Osama to confirm that he's a lunatic and my day will be complete. Ashlee Simpson, the less prettier sister of Jessica Simpson, did have a nose job confirms her father, manager and on-and-off lover, Papa Joe. Papa Joe tells Us Weekly,

"Girls have their own ideas. Anyway, there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured."

Yes... I'm sure that it was a problem with her breathing and not because she looked like she had a mini elephant trunk hanging off her face. Yes Indeedy.

I'll give you a couple of seconds to recover from the shock. I mean a dyke and a homosexual biker not being able to make their marriage work? What hope for the rest of us? Pink was reportedly overheard discussing the state of her marriage with friends at a restaurant. A source tells Us Weekly,

"Pink was out with a table full of friends and telling them that her and Carey just wasn't working anymore. "She told them, 'We're just not getting along anymore. We each need our space. We need our distance. It's not like it was when we first started.' "

I don't think of myself as a "marriage expert", but I know the perfect way to fix this marriage... (Drumbeats) A strap on! Tada!

Jennifer Lopez has denied claims that she's preganant. She tells Us Magazine,

“No, no! We get this every week!,” says Lopez. “I don’t mind when people talk about this. I get the interest. I’m not the only [celeb] who gets these rumors.”

Yes Jen, we're all desperately waiting week after week to be able to ascertain did you have unprotected sex with Skeletor. Thanks for putting me out of my misery... until next week.

Halle Berry, who is currently pregnant with her first child, is supposedly receiving death threats from a random sicko. The Daily Mirror reports,

Berry, who is three months pregnant, has received letters at her LA home from an anonymous sicko. One said she and her child would be "cut into hundreds of pieces". Halle, 41, who has a white father and an African-American mother, is expecting her first child with white Canadian model Gabriel Aubry. A source close to the actress said: "Halle does not normally use security but she has taken on a couple of guys to make sure." Police are investigating the threats.

I did that once. I think I came though the whole experience a better man. I mean... after I had to leave the country because the cops found out who I was. Yeah, tough times. I feel for the guy who's sending the letter. That bitch Halle Berry goes out of her way to cause trouble for us psychos.

Well, yeah. I mean, which guy already warns his latest girlfriend that he's only in it for the short-term reasons and she musn't expect a wedding because he's a committmentphobe? And guess what? She still hasn't dumped him...on the other hand, it is George Clooney.

"I'm never at home and every woman gets sick of it. If I was them, I wouldn't put up with me for too long - and they don't. I wonder if I'm going to be relegated to three-year relationships for the rest of my life. My trouble is that I keep taking jobs that take me further away from home."

Excuses excuses, just admit it George. Just get married and suffer like the rest of them. Though I shouldn't be one to talk...I play hard to get and they totally disappear off the face of the planet. I think that might be my new secret talent...repelling any decent men.

Jake Gylenhall is still seemingly desperate to prove to the world that he doesn't like the schlong, and is apparently going about it by dating a... wait for it... female! And not a butch one at that! Gylenhall was spotted getting cozy with Legally Blonde star, Reese Witherspoon, at a party hosted by Carrie Fisher. E! Online says,

“Jake and Reese were sitting by the fire all night, talking,” a fellow party guest tells me. “Everyone was talking, laughing and celebrating Rufus, but they were deep, deep in conversation. It was like there was no one else in the world.”

I have to admit... He seems to be a master of disguise. I mean... she doesn't have a beard or nuffink! Not even stubble! Bravo Jake... You take round 1.

-Gasp!- Could Britney Spears have actually done something right for herself? Well, obviously not by herself, but her new team of lawyers have removed the possible testification of her ex-bodyguard Tony Barretto, who was all set to talk about Britney's drinking, drugs and all-round good motherhood. Even though he's being represented by famous attorney Gloria Allred, Britney's lawyers have claimed that Tony is a disgruntled ex-employee and so the man won't be stepping into court. So that's Britney:1, the civilized human race: Infinity minus 1. I didn't really think that everyone would want to associate themselves with Britney but some people feel bad after laughing at her misfortune and Elton John is one of them. he's been through the business and wants to help Brit back on her feet. A source says:

“Elton has been watching Britney spiraling out of control over the past few years. He has decided enough is enough and reckons he has plenty of experience in the business to help her. He feels so sorry for her because she had fame at such a young age and hasn’t handled it well.”

Seriously, what's in it for him? Did he get some perverse pleasure from watching Britney get suckier for so many years and only decides to lend a hand now? It's like standing there and watching a pigeon slam itself into the screen door over and over again and only after an hour when the pigeon is bleeding from the eyeballs, do you open the door and then consider that your good deed for the day.