SoggyCornflakes - Celebrities

Does it really matter? Nicole Richie’s baby is still going to be born out of wedlock and be a little b******…I don’t know why I put stars in. It isn’t swearing when it’s the truth, right? I’m just scared some teacher might try and read this blog…then I’ll be in trouble. Ca you get detention even after you’re out of highschool? I think so!

While at a party thrown by Perez Hilton (how low can you go?), DJ Kane announced to the crowd that Joel recently got engaged…Joel Madden didn’t acknowledge the announcement exactly…

“Joel did not say anything about the engagement other than to wave to the crowd and acknowledge the roar when the radio personality made the announcement. He then walked off stage,”

That’s obviously from some source, who obviously wanted to stay anonymous since he breathed the same air as Joel…how humiliating! Anyways, even if he did propose, will it really make a difference? You know he’s just doing it so Lionel Richie doesn’t kill him…or something equally menacing, like being molested by Care Bears.

I’m not making sense anymore, am I? I think I’ll shut up now.

Jamie Hartman, the guy who belongs to some band and isn’t famous enough to get his picture on google image search (yes people, that is the source of all my powers), says that he won’t take drugs like other celebrities…

So wait, let me get this straight…

You think you’re a celebrity?

Ok dude, you just keep telling yourself that. Self-affirmation is the key to success. That’s why I keep telling myself I’m a millionaire, even though I don’t even have monopoly money.

“Close mates have had overdoses and I realised than that it’s not a good look. When I lived in New York a few years back my mate collapsed, hit his head on the pavement and had convulsions.”

“If drugs are what you need to be creative, then you are p*****g in the wind.”

That word is ‘pissing’ by the way, in case you can’t read stars like me. While I seriously admire his ideals, he’s only saying that because he isn’t a celebrity yet and no-one has started giving him drugs for free yet.

His band’s name is Ben’s Brother…apparently he has some unresolved childhood issues or someone called him “Ben’s brother” and he never got over the fact that he has no identity of his own. You can totally tell I do psychology, right?

So says Hayden Penettiere.

I guess all of us got her wrong.

Penettiere (It’s her birthday today, y’know) was speaking about how she’ll stay grounded because she has to do chores. When the topic of Hilton came up, she said,

“I’ve known Paris since I was 13. We did a film together before I was famous,” she said. “At 15, I did party with her, but I was just doing what every teenage girl does.

“Paris is a very nice person and a lot brighter than people give her credit for - she’s a marketing genius, but no one sees her like that because she plays this character all the time.

“She just laughs at silly people who judge her and goes, ‘OK, think whatever you like about me, but I’m the one having fun’.”

I don’t get it… Is Paris Hilton really smart? Have we all been fooled? Or is she just the by-product of the worlds obsession with celebrities and whores? Is Paris Hilton really just an evil genius… hell bent on Hollywood domination?

…

dun dun dun dun! (That was the scary music they play at the end of horror movies, in case you don’t get it)

(By the way… No, Paris Hilton is still stupid. Why do I say that, you ask? Because it makes me feel secure that the world is still normal… because if Paris Hilton turned out to actually be smart… than I’d be forced to change all my preconcieved notions and religious agenda’s… and that would mean I’d have to stop throwing stuff at all those Jehova’s witness guys… No… No… Paris Hilton is still stupid… She has the IQ of a rock man… a stupid rock…)

The guy that used to be married to Britney Spears, and who is currently seeking custody of their two children was spotted drinking and “grinding” in Las Vegas.

A source tells People magazine,

“He was drinking straight from the vodka and Jagermeister bottles. I didn’t see him with a drink in his hand that much, but he drank out of the bottles a few times.

He was grinding up on a few of the girls. He had a flashlight and was shining it on some of the girls around him. He chain smoking and flashing his gold necklace to DJ Reach. Kevin held up a cigarette lighter when Reach played Jay-Z’s ‘Big Pimpin’.”

What a douche. Seriously I feel sorry for the judge who has to decide which of these two idiot’s get the kids. One is a chain smoking, drug pushing, washed up dancer. The other is… Britney…

Seriously someone should just kill the kids… now.

says Hayden Panettiere (kinda).

The now legal (Happy Birthday Hayden… she’s a slag now!), said on the Late Show with David Letterman that the 34 year old was too old for her, after he was spotted with her mum.

She said,

“He’s a good friend, a very nice guy, I think he’s a little old for me.”

That’s a bit mean. Especially seeing that most of her fan base consists of 45 year old perverted men going through mid-life crisis’.
I’m talking about you, man! You know who you are! There’s no Hayden porn here! Go Away!

(Don’t go! It was a joke! Of course I have illegal porn here… Actually I still don’t… But in place of the degradation of women, I have sharp wit and homo jokes… Where’s everyone going!?)

Well, obviously she is or why would she mind that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie brought the paparazzi to Chicago and they don’t want to hear her whining about how American’s are so much better than the British. Ummm, the British have cool accents, Americans make me wanna rip my arm off and beat you with it until you shut up!

“When Brad and Angelina leave, won’t they [paparazzi] go, too?”

“Don’t you think they sort of blow in and out with the celebs?”

So does this stem from the fact that Gweneth is jealous because she couldn’t keep Brad (they were engaged once upon a time, before anyone really cared) or because no-ones paying attention to her? I think it has to be the former, since no-one ever pays attention to her. She can’t still be bitter about that.

I’m sure Chicago is your haven away from the paparazzi Gwen. Yes, they do hide in the bushes and take their shots. Yes, those pictures never appear in any tabloids because you have friends in high places. Yes, Tom Cruise really isn’t gay. Just keep telling yourself that.

Ok, I’m not sure what exactly I meant by yelling that, but it felt good. Well, no it didn’t, but I’m bitter. I don’t get pleasure from anything, besides other people’s pain. And since the Beckham’s are not in pain, I’m not having any pleasure and the world continues to suck.

Some stupid criminal decided that his loyalty lay with the LA Galaxies, David Beckham’s new team and so he left his criminal friends, who’d been doing the rounds of the nieghbourhood the Beckhams lived in and turned himself over to the police, just because he couldn’t make himself rob the house that held the Galaxies most overpaid player.

While I get the loyalty thing (I wouldn’t be robbing Arsenal players either), the dude doesn’t seem to get the concept of what it means to be a thief. Thieves…steal…which means they take money from the rich and give to the poor.

Oh wait, that’s Robin Hood. Nevermind.

Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen have topped the list of movie couples with the most unconvincing on-screen chemistry. The two “won” after their performances in the last two Star Wars movies.

They lead a list including Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez and Madonna.

The full list reads:

1. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
2. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in Gigli
3. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Madonna and Adriano Giannini in Swept Away
5. Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery in Entrapment
6. Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral
7. Kate Beckinsale and Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbour
=8. Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut
=8. Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain
10. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic

It’s not really surprising though. Hayden Christensen sucks. He’s managed to destroy every movie that he’s been a part of. You could put the guy in The Godfather, in a non speaking role, and he’d still destroy the movie.

I don’t like him. Did you notice?

Donald Trump is said to be interested in bringing together the three names most commonly associated with the words “business success”… Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Trump, reportedly wants the threesome to feature on a “Celebrity Apprentice”.

When asked about it Trump said,

“We’re negotiating with Britney right now. Can you imagine her doing it? We’re not sure what will happen. She’s a [bleep]ing mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she’d be great.”

Hilton, he adds,

“wants to be on, and we’re thinking about it, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it.”

When queried about Lohan,

“Another [bleep]ing mess. We haven’t asked her yet, but I’m going to call her this week. It would a positive thing for her to do . . . for all of them,”

Trump has reportedly already reeled in Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, original “Apprentice” villain Amorosa, Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon.

He says,

“There are more than a hundred others who want to be on the show,”

How arrogant do you have to be, to be Donald Trump?

Answer: Very Arrogant

I don’t see how appearing on a pathetic reality show, hosted by a balding ginger egomaniac is going to help their careers. I really don’t.

Also if, as Mr. Trump says, 100’s of other celebs want to be on the show, than how come he’s angling for a fat mother of two, A druggie and a druggie with a sleepy eye. It boggles the mind.

And again if 100’s of celebs want to be on Mr. Trumps show, than how come the only luminaries he’s managed to get so far are people who are desperately trying to hold on to their last thread of fame, people who are trying to break into acting and the ugly Judd sister?

Formerly hot popstar, Britney Spears, seems to be losing everyone that matters to her after news that the singers attorney, Laura Wasser, is planning to resign in the midst of Britney’s bitter legal fight with ex-husband Kevin Federline.

A source told gossip website TMZ.com:

“Laura has put Britney in touch with other lawyers who could help her in her ongoing custody battle with Kevin, but Britney has become so reliant on Laura she doesn’t like any of the alternatives.

“Britney will be devastated if she and Laura part company. This could be a real blow to her case.”

What a shame… Poor Britney. Everyone she loves is leaving her. First her career. Than her husband. Than her parents. Than her lawyer… soon her kids.

One day someone will steal her Cheeto’s and than the breakdown will be complete!